Thursday, January 21, 2010

Top 11 Changes in the All White Basketball League

In case you missed this lovely moment for the nation, organizers in Georgia (the South! What were the odds?) are starting a Whites-Only league for those dreadfully oppressed Caucasian hoopsters, and the hoop fans that feel displaced by the other basketball options that are open to them. What are the other meaningful differences between their game and the one of their rivals?

11) Shorts the way John Stockton wore them, with all of the subtext that entails

10) Every player's defense will be gritty or tenacious

9) The inspirational team leader will be the oversized guy who overcomes a crippling lack of work ethic to lead his team to victory

8) Games will be refreshingly devoid of commercial interruption

7) Fans will finally get to see cheerleaders that leave something to the imagination, and arouse no prurient interest

6) The players will only abuse alcohol and crystal meth, the drugs that God intended them to abuse

5) Teams and their cities will be spared from the terrible, terrible wrath of Pat Robertson's God

4) Spike Lee will have something more pressing to rail against than the roster make-up of Hickory High in "Hoosiers"

3) For the first time, you will appreciate the comparative athleticism, power and excitement of the WNBA

2) The top selling team merchandise for every team will be the hoodies

1) When their players get caught with guns, the NRA will support them

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