Top 10 Questions In Re McGwire Gate
10) If steroids didn't help him, was he taking them for the entertainment value, or just because all of the other guys were?
9) How would it be possible for him to avoid the drug in the moral cesspool that is St. Louis?
8) Is a hitting coach job really worth this level of public humiliation?
7) Does this mean that Barry Bonds will come clean if the Giants give him a job parking cars?
6) Can this man confess to anything that Bud Selig won't support and/or draw wildly unrealistic conclusions from?
5) Is it really so hard for someone to admit that they took steroids to get paid?
4) When Jose Canseco says that he injected him in the ass, and McGwire denies it, is that code?
3) How could someone with the upstanding reputation of Tony LaRussa be involved, even tangentially, in something sordid?
2) When you say that you were sorry to be part of something you started, embodied, and made tens, if not hundreds, of millions of dollars from, how do you keep from laughing?
1) How sad of a country and national pastime do we have, when there's nearly as much analysis on the quality of the form of the apology as the substance?
1 comment:
Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today to finally come clean. I took steroids during my playing career.
And, holy shit, did they work! I would have been lucky to ride the pine at some third-rate WAC school based on my natural talent, but thanks to a few chemicals synthesized from horse semen, I became a star. I got ungodly rich. Woof. If you could see my bank account, you'd fucking kill yourself. We're talking nine figures here folks. I'd be disgusted if I wasn't swimming in a pool of gold Kruggerands every night.
And the woman? Sweet Jesus. I've done things with, and to, some of the most beautiful women in the world that ought to be illegal. I get so much ass, even my rejects are so hot they wouldn't bother pissing in your face if your nose was on fire.
So, yeah. Steroids are bad kids. Don't do them. Unless you want to be rich and famous and get models to do things even Thai hookers won't do.
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