Top 12 reasons why Tiger Woods hasn't won in 2010

12) In the new Phil Mickelson age, you can only win if you have a picture postcard family life

11) Men who curse never win

10) His Nike putter has been in too many hands

9) Just isn't motivated now that his paychecks are getting cut in two

8) Jack Nicklaus finally found a voodoo doll that works

7) Can't stand it when the airplanes fly over to say mean things, or the journalists ask actual questions

6) Hasn't "taken his talents to South Beach" in days

5) Like John Belushi, Eva Braun, Chris Farley, Eva Peron and Jesus Christ, just wasn't meant to see age 34

4) Really distracted about ranking high enough to qualify for the Ryder Cup, Fedex Cup and avoiding Q-School

3) Spending too much time with his kids, and not even time with his PED supplier

2) Um, it's hard to win these things

1) It's the absolute mother of all karmic paybacks