Top 10 reasons why the Bengals signed Terrell Owens

10) They liked his reality show better than Chad Ochocinco's

9) Owens told QB Carson Palmer that, no matter what happens, he won't throw him under the bus like he's done to all of those other QBs

8) Terrell's agent, Drew Rosenhaus, once saved coach Marvin Lewis's life in 'Nam

7) The NFL has secretly decreed that Cincy is a holding pen for all of the league's problem children

6) Shockingly, the fifth team to acquire Antonio Bryant hasn't been any happier about it than the previous four

5) They feel that he can provide the same kind of good decision-making and clear-headedness as the late Chris Henry

4) Unlike Matt Jones, Terrell isn't extremely prone to getting arrested

3) Were really afraid that they would lose him to the Rams, Raiders, or CFL

2) Wanted to make sure that, in the light of Ben Roethlisberger's off-season, that they still had the most hateable team in the division

1) Certain that they are just a drop-prone aging team cancer away from the Super Bowl