Top 12 reasons why Chicago is to blame for Milton Bradley's poor 2009

"Two years ago, I played, and I was good. go to Chicago, not good. I've been good my whole career. So, obviously, it was something with Chicago, not me." - Milton Bradley, as quoted in the New York Times

12) Kept taking his stapler

11) Didn't tell him that they hadn't won a World Series in over a century, and that the town might have some negativity

10) Put him in a situation, unlike Texas, where local fans noticed whether the team won or lost

9) Exposed him to the gateway drug of deep dish pizza, leading to hardcore rib addiction

8) Signed him to a totally ridiculous 3 year, $30 million contract that he could never hope to earn

7) Did not make it totally clear which Chicago ballpark he would be playing in

6) When a player is on his fifth organization in five years, and his eighth overall, it must be the team's fault when it doesn't work out

5) Area landlords refuse to follow the rule that big name free agent outfielders stay for free

4) Club kept bringing in water coolers that looked at him funny

3) Media kept noticing when he'd say he wasn't talking to them, then talked to them

2) It's all that damned goat's fault

1) Um, they signed Milton Bradley