Top 10 reasons why Tiger Woods hired Ari Fleischer

The golfer who can't keep his club in the bag has decided to hire the ex George Bush press secretary and most well known (note: not actually good) spin doctor in sports. What caused Eldrick to pull the trigger on what appears to be yet another self-inflicted injury?

10) Like fellow AF client Mark McGwire, Woods isn't here to talk about the past

9) Wants to make sure that he keeps being shunned by African-Americans, and there's no better way to do that than to bring in a Bushie

8) Needs to know where he can get one of those big "Mission Accomplished" banners to put over his bed

7) When you've made Tiger's kind of money and screwed this many service workers (both on tips and, um, other ways), you more or less have to hang with Republicans

6) Planning to distract the press and public with a land war in Asia, so there's really few PR people who have the experience

5) Baghdad Bob not available

4) Hopes that continuing bad PR efforts distract from what he's supposed to be apologizing for in the first place

3) All part of an elaborate and wacky romantic comedy plot to win his wife back

2) Necessary step to make his sponsors find room in their hearts to one day believe in him again

1) Woods has less common sense than a 1-iron