Top 12 reasons why Vincente Padilla is the Dodgers' Opening Day Starter

12) Dodger manager Joe Torre bet a guy that he could get Padilla drafted in fantasy leagues

11) Kevin Brown not answering his phone, and Jason Schmidt can't, since that involves using his arms

10) Team remembers how badly this worked for Hideki Kuroda last year

9) Couldn't convince Fernando Valenzuela to leave the Spanish announcing booth, and its extremely tempting craft services

8) Torre is still bent at Chad Billingsley for last year's playoff effort

7) Orel Hershiser is too busy playing poker and hating his ESPN booth mates

6) The club doesn't want to give Clayton Kershaw the extra ammunition during the inevitable arbitration hearings

5) It's a little-known and highly unwelcome aspect of the McCourt divorce settlement

4) When your division competition includes the Padres, D-Backs and Giants, you need to do something to keep the game challenging

3) Gives Torre a head start on doing what he does best, which is take the most talented team in the division to the playoffs while trashing his bullpen

2) Season always start best with a brawl, so Padillla's unique headhunting style will come in handy

1) The game's in Pittsburgh, so it's not as if it will be televised, or that the Dodgers will be facing an MLB team