Saturday, December 27, 2008

Potpurri for Five

Yes, it's the return of the quick hitting thoughts based on nothing more than what's been floating around my head while I'm not really doing The Job, since I'm traveling. But here goes anyway.

1) Coach Has To Go: When you actively consider the bright side of any team's loss being that Coach might get canned from the loss.

So any Eagles Fan who is keeping Andy's Done in the back of their mind in the lead-up to tomorrow's Eagles-Cowboys game... yes, this is for you. Lions Fan who want to be sure that Coach Rod is on his face for failing to avoid Immortality, here it is. Cowboys Fan who dreams of Coach Wade taking the Switzer Bullet (um, it'd help if they had someone with a pulse, but really, your problem is your owner), same story.

And if you're really rooting for the loss, without any kind of fantasy football payoff or against the spread bet coinciding... well, let's just say that you're beyond the pale with Old Coach. You might start hoping he never existed, or something.

2) If you root for the team with the best record in the league and pule about the officiating in any game that isn't an elimination playoff experience, you are officially a Douchebag For Now And Ever, World Without End, Amen. (And yes, I'm talking about the Bad Tooth again, who couldn't take the Christmas present to a struggling nation that is his team losing. Though to be fair, I liked the follow-up loss to the Warriors -- the Warriors! -- more, just because the Lake Show's fans are also not far from Eternal Bag Status.)

3) With Randy Johnson's one-year deal to get his 300th win and then go away in San Francisco, can we officially designate the Giants as the Vienna of MLB? In that it's a pretty place to visit, history happened here, but it's otherwise irrelevant to, you know, actually important things happening?

Realistically, there are two uniform possibilities for The Unit to make his 300th look like anything but a stagger over the finish line: Seattle and Arizona. Given that he went 11-10 with a tolerable 3.91 ERA last year in the desert, and needs just five more wins to get the green jacket... seriously, Arizona, why couldn't you be the one to get this done? He's going to look silly doing this in SF. Well, OK, not as silly as Barry Zito continuing to work for the worst contract in MLB history, but close.

Oh, and SF? One year for $8 million here is a lot of cheddar in a bad economy for a guy who wont' really sell a lot of seats for you in his chase for the record. Why not, you know, buy a farm system that actually produces a tolerable position player instead?

4) Sammy Sosa says he's not ready to retire from MLB. Um, can someone tell these roid rock heads that if no one is giving you a job, your reluctance to retire doesn't much matter? I really don't want to have to write the same jokes again, and you don't want to read them...

5) A Houston hospital is changing its name from the Roger Clemens Institute for Sports Medicine to the Memorial Hermann Sports Medicine Institute.

In its statement, the hospital said the decision to take off Clemens' name was made "to better reflect its commitment to all sports and athletes" and that "the move reflects the desire to promote the broad range of sports medicine services and programs offered by Memorial Hermann."

In that shooting a cheating sack of crap who is well on his way to becoming the pitching equivalent of Pete Rose in terms of Hall of Fame estrangement in the ass with roids is, admittedly, a *very* narrow service...

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