My Christmas is Strange But Affordable

Because you've all been very good little boys and girls, I've decided to share a Shooter Family Holiday Tradition with you. It's soon to be a major television event!

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Once upon a recent time, the Weasels that live at the North Pole got very jealous.

"Reindeer get to pull sleigh," they squealed. "Elves get to make toys. Why can't us Weasels get to do anything?"

Then one Weasel got a big idea. "We'll make dolls for the kids!" she squeaked.

Santa pointed out that the elves already make dolls.

And that Weasels don't have opposable thumbs.

But the Weasels would not take "Um, that's probably not a good idea" for an answer.

And so, they fashioned crude dolls out of the finest material they had.

Which was dryer lint.

Since Santa didn't approve of the dryer lint dolls, the Weasels had to get the dolls to the kids on their own.

So the Weasels sneak into children's houses on Christmas Eve. (Weasels are very good at sneaking. You'll never even notice they were there.)

Since they are very proud of their work, they want the kids to see their presents first.

So they always leave their presents in the children's sock drawers.

The weasels, of course, don't have Santa's knowledge of who has been naughty or nice.

Instead, they just give presents to the children they know and like.

By the time the dryer lint dolls make it all the way from the North Pole to a child's sock drawer, they don't look much like dolls any more.

It's usually just a bag of lint.

Because the weasel's gifts are not very good, or very widely distributed, they've never gotten their own TV show.

So most of your friends won't have heard of them.

Most people who get the lint leave it outside for the birds, who love to use it for their nests.

If you're lucky, someone might tell the Weasels that you should be on their list, too.

Until then, I'll be happy to share my lint with you.