Never Escape

Proving that MLB will suck you dry in this world and the next, and continuing FTT's theme of finding the perfect holiday gift, consider the recent rise of MLB themed coffins and urns.

Sure, you're paying 20% more than the non-logo model to intern your loved one in the last and most symbolic act of never growing up. But can you really put a price on making sure that their remains spend the rest of non-biodegradable eternity in the loving embrace of Cub Fandom? If I were you, I'd go the extra mile and put a Fathead on the inside of the box or urn. That's the tasteful thing to do.

(And if you must know, yes, I'm going down in a Garment of Greatness. Why risk going nooky-less in the next world?)