Top 10 takeaways from the Tiger Woods Divorce

10) Now when Tiger sleeps around, it's just going to be seem sad and pathetic

9) Thousands of gravy training slacker dudes now think Elin is the total package

8) Woods now gets to only be pestered by sports reporters who want him to stop sucking, rather than tabloid reporters who want him to keep sucking

7) Finally, Tiger can sleep with other women and actually enjoy it

6) Since the hearing only lasted ten minutes, Woods had to rise to the challenge of finding another random waitress with which to commit the ceremonial going-away act of adultery

5) By arranging the divorce during the August Dead Zone of No Sports, Tiger has masterfully curried the favor of the nation's blowhard sports columnists by giving them a phone-it-in column when they most needed it

4) Now that the divorce is finalized, Woods can become the absent and negligent father that he always wanted when he was a child

3) As a condition of the divorce, Nordegren goes back to her maiden name and prior career as a nanny

2) Terms of the divorce were not announced, because everything else has been kept so confidential and private up to now

1) Now that this has been put behind him, Accenture, AT&T and Gatorade are sure to start paying Woods tens of millions of dollars to endorse their products, since everyone still clearly wants to be more like him