Top 10 Signs That Lance Armstrong Is A Doper

With federal prosecutors speaking to former teammates and a probe that's widening (sounds painful), it's not looking good for everyone's favorite -- er, only known? -- American cyclist. Let's dig a little further into this, shall we?

10) Armstrong is an admitted pro cyclist, which means that cheating is more or less a given

9) If Floyd Landis says it, it must be true, or, well, not

8) His former sponsor was the US Postal Service, which requires all of its employees to be on PEDs

7) Since he's no longer winning Tour de France events, it's no longer OK for him to use

6) Sheryl Crow is no longer involved with him, and Crow's decision making has just been airtight for years now

5) Those Radio Shack ads can't be the product of a non-addled mind

4) Now it can be told: testicular cancer is just an elaborate cover story for all of those steroid side effects

3) Friends of George Bush never mislead the public for years and years and years

2) The authorities are offering tens of dollars to other pro cyclists that are willing to turn on Armstrong

1) As A-Rod, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and a thousand other cheaters have shown, the first five thousand denials are just for practice