Top 10 reasons why Johnny Damon won't go back to Boston

The Tigers outfielder and designated hitter used his no-trade clause to refuse a waiver claim by the Red Sox. As always, this blog -- and this blog alone -- has the real reasons why.

10) Desperate to get to 100 career triples (he has 97), and thinks he's got a better chance to get there while playing half of his games in Comerica

9) Really can't stand "Sweet Caroline"

8) Does not ever want to be in a position where he could take at bats away from all-time beloved Red Sox J.D. Drew

7) Detroit's proximity to Canada feeds his secret obsessions of hockey, curling, thick bacon and bilingualism

6) Out of the 2,243 career games and five uniforms that he's played in, the 113 in Detroit have just meant the most to him

5) For some unfathomable reason, he'd rather not play in front of people who utterly and completely detest him

4) Getting to 3,000 career hits (he has, as I write this, 2,538) will get easier if he doesn't have to work in October

3) Suspects that the Tigers and Red Sox will play the exact same number of playoff games this year

2) Wants to make sure that when he goes to the Hall of Fame, the emblem on his cap will be a dollar sign

1) His real estate dollar goes further in Detroit, in that Damon now owns the entire city