Top 10 takeaways from the Ben Roethlisberger Suspension

10) Buying and/or wearing his jersey isn't going to be quite the Chick Magnet that it used to be

9) Sets the going rate of abusing women as 3X worse than abusing dogs

8) The QB now has to undergo a comprehensive behavioral evaluation, just to see if it comes back as Inexcusable Jerkoff

7) Roethlisberger's trade value just went down for every team but Oakland

6) Proves to Roethlisberger that he should never, ever, sexually abuse women without wearing a protective helmet

5) Gives sportscasters an unbelievably awkward "working through adversity" meme to credit the QB with when he comes back from the suspension

4) Cripples the Steelers, who will never be able to win games against the easy part of their schedule with an aging, erratic and poor decision-making QB, instead of a game manager

3) Roethlisberger to stop watching David Lynch movies for pick-up tips

2) Opens the floodgates for that civil case in Nevada, and anyone else who wants a shot a Roethlisberger's $102 million contract

1) Gives Michael Vick fans someone to feel superior to