Britches pound Texas, Hookers shock Butchers

The Philthy Britches crushed the Texas Hustlers in the first game of a derby doubleheader at the 23rd Street Armory on Saturday, but the real excitement came in the second game when Heavy Metal Hookers overcame a 21-point second half deficit to beat the Broad Street Butchers on the last jam of the game.

The Hustlers are the gran dames of WFTDA, part of the first women's flat-track league in country. (On a personal note, the Hustlers do have kickass purple uniforms. They were reminiscent of Interplanet Janet, who played a formative role in our early development.) The Britches showed no respect for their elders, though, beating the Hustlers 129-64.

It was a tight, slow game in the early going and the Britches frequently found themselves behind before taking a 44-37 lead into halftime. Texas had narrowed the lead to 48-44 when the Britches all but ended the game, erupting for 30 points in the fifth and sixth jams from Gloria Grindem and Ginger Vitis while allowing only two points.

The Britches clamped down at that point, allowing only 20 points for the rest of the game.

The Hustlers held all-everything jammer Mo Pain in check, allowing her only eight points in five jams. Many of the Hustlers were part of the all-star Texecuctioner team that lost to the Liberty Belles at the 2008 Nationals (Ed note. Philly puttin' a boot in Texas' ass again). and blocker Babe Ruthless said they knew they had to stop the Britches most dangerous jammer.

"We saw her at Nationals and knew she was an amazing scorer," Ruthless said. "We really targeted her and that allowed some of the other girls the opportunity to really shine. We underestimated some of their other jammers."

The second game looked like it would follow the same pattern of a close game at halftime blowing open after a big second half run. The Hookers held a 42-37 lead at the half, but the Butchers roared out of the locker room, scoring 15 points to the Hookers' one in the first three jams.

With the help of a 10 point jam from co-captain Persephone while Hooker jammer Ivana Rock watched from the Sin Bin, the Butchers pushed their lead to 73-58. Then a curious thing happened, the Butchers stopped scoring. At all. The wouldn't score another point the rest of the night.

Meanwhile, the Hookers weren't doing much scoring themselves, going scoreless for the next three jams. But Robin Drugstores picked up eight points with 7:31 to play and after Teflon Donna added five more, the Hookers were suddenly two points down with all the momentum on their side.

When Mandawar shot from the pack as lead jammer, it looked like the Hookers would take their first lead of the half. A penalty for a back push (Ed. note: Hey! You're learning the penalties. About damned time) cut the rally short, but she did her job, knotting the score at 73 with two minutes to play.

Ivana Rock and Elle Viento took their positions as jammers, a sneer on their lips, steel in their hearts, their very loins girded for battle (Ed. note: Dial it back, Grantland). The whistle blew and a few minutes later, Rock popped free of the pack into the lead.

The final showdown never quite materialized; Viento was sent off a penalty (Ed. note: Where's your sense of drama, ref?) and watched helplessly as Rock picked up the winning points for a final score of Hookers 83, Butchers 73.

The Liberty Belles will be on the road April 11 against the Carolina All-Stars in Raleigh, N.C. In a rematch of the 2008 Warrior Cup game, the three-time defending champion Philthy Britches will face the Broad Street Butchers at the Armory on May 2. (Correction: the Hookers are playing the Britches for the Warrior Cup. Five Tool Tool. Ackuracy is our watchword.) Be there or be square, derby fans.