Blogrolling Is J-Lo To You

Not since the start of the Kyle Lohse Era in Philadelphia have I been more entranced by a pitcher coming to a new team...

“Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me.” - Julian Tavarez

It's March, folks, and we already have the Quote of the Year in MLB. Golf clap, Julian, golf clap.

Major League Jerk on why arm length matters for an offensive tackle, and how the NFL Combine is more than the Mike Mamula Memorial Mistake. Personally, I read this while thinking of the scene in "300" when Massively Roided King Leonidas tells Treacherous Malformed Dwarf Ephialtes how he can't use him in battle...

Moondog tries to fix the NCAAs, which are not in any way broken. As I commented over at his site, the NCAA basketball tournament isn't for determining the best team in college basketball; if you wanted to do that, you'd have a best of 3 series in the first round between the same two teams, leading to best of 5's for the survivors, and finally a best of seven for the championship. You know, like what the NBA does.

What the NCAA is for, and why it's the most popular basketball championship on pure viewership and gambling excitement, is wildly random events and excitement. That's why no one ever complains about a boring Finals, and how low seeds make it to the Sweet 16 and Final 4. Personally, I think the NCAA goes too far to the random, and that the NBA goes too far to the predictable crucible, but it's not like anyone is ever going to go to nothing but best of 3's for each playoff round, given that each has evolved to what it is for the money. Anyway, moving on.

“[Owens] thanks the Cowboys organization for releasing him and adding to his bank account.” -T.O.’s agent Drew Rosenhaus, as reported in the Dallas Morning News

And yes, that one goes to the remaining 12 Terrible Apologists on the planet, all of whom have him on their fantasy league team but not their real one. Just on the off chance that you were wondering what the man was really all about, or whether his fine sense of personal judgment was limited to just the occasional harmless mistake. Nothing but class.

SportsRubbish with the police blotter details on the latest NBA arrest..."Your policy may be I need an ID, but my policy is I get what I want when I want." - NJ Nets forward Sean Williams at an Apple store in Denver, CO, prior to an arrest

Repeat the quote above while speaking in the voice of Eric Cartman. You're welcome. And yes, one tends to think that the Sean Williams Era is about to have the curtain fall in the Izod Center. At least it's ending easier than the Jayson Williams Era.

And finally, please note that there is not one, but two Bastardo prospects right now; the Dodgers and Phillies are having a Bastardo-Off. Not since the days of Jung Bong have I awaited SportsCenter highlights with such anticipation...