The Giants Are Doomed

Seriously, NFL quarterbacks? Don't you realize that when you whore yourselves out to metrosexual photo shoots, you insult the great gods of football karma, not to mention the much greater god of homophobic opposing defensive linemen?

Giants Fan, remember, he won a Super Bowl for you. So that means you just have to lie back and enjoy it as he takes advantage of everything he's got coming to him. The Stetson-style ads, the supermodel dalliances, the wince-inducing endorsements, the inclusions among the world's most beautiful people, and the steadily increasing knowledge that no matter what, he's going to give people like me a never-ending amount of ammunition for snark. And since my QB (Donovan McNabb) is way past the event horizon for He's So Dweamy, I don't have to worry about anything more than the Chunky Vomit endorsement.

But by all means, Eli, work in some more mousse...