Top 10 NFL Week 13 Ad Notes

10) Why does every cell phone provider think that I give that much of a damn about maps, when I'm much more cheesed off by dropped calls?

9) Does anything say "You're an unspeakably boring lardass and I'm helping you die of morbid obesity" than the Christmas gift of Burger King gift cards?

8) Will Christine Aguilera in HD give you the same STDs that you get in regular definition?

7) Why would anyone care what Ashton Kutcher photographs?

6) If you are doing your Christmas shopping at a home improvement store, isn't it a cry for help?

5) Are the promotional Coke glasses from McDonald's particularly appealing to hipster douchebags?

4) How are you planning to thank Exxon Mobil for spending an utterly trivial portion of their income on new technology?

3) Between Tiger Woods' recent moments and Matt Ryan's injuries, do we need to reconsider the use of Gilette razors?

2) Does the Droid cell phone work for human fingers, or is it only operational for freaky robot prosthetics?

1) Is there a man, woman or child in this sorry world for whom Hanes underwear is really "a perfect gift for the holidays"?