Imaginary Conversations With My Ex

"So. You're back in town."

"The area, yeah." (Shifts weight, uneasily.)

"You know, we had some good times." (Moves closer, not breaking eye contact. Rattles off a lot of wins in September.)

"Of course."

"Remember 1980? When Tug leaped, and Schmidt hit his 48th in the Montreal rain, and the crazy Astro series?"

"Every second of it."

"And you have to admit that you were into it in 1993." (Leans forward, takes over first in the division.)

"I was living in one of the worst parts of Philadelphia, in a communal house of musicians. We all watched it like we were frat guys. Our women wanted to disown us."

"But they didn't." (Bites lip, clinches division.)

"Not right away, no."

"It was good, wasn't it." (Moves closer, celebrates in City Hall. Behind her, the girl in green is throwing up Chunky soup.)

"Yeah." (shakes head) "No, wait, actually it wasn't. Mitch Williams ripped out our hearts. And we couldn't even really hate him because we knew what he was all along."

"Baby, don't be like that." (Loses tight Game 1 to Rockies.)

"And then you let yourself go and stopped trying. Every time something good came along, like a Schilling or a Rolen, you ruined it. (Long, awkward, pause.) You ruined it for me with everyone."

(Too quick) "But it's all better now, honey. I've changed. You've changed." (Loses Game 2 to Rockies. Jose Mesa is involved.)

"I suppose. You've had a lot of work done."

"Thanks. (Self-indulgent smile.) It cost a lot, but it was worth it. You like?"

"Actually, it leaves me kind of cold. But I can see how it gets you a lot of attention."

(Angry sports radio flash in eyes.) "We can't all live in the past, you know. If you're ready to move on, you know where to find me." (Turns, leaves, slows. Still alive, after all.) "And you know you'll never see that slut from Oakland again, don't you?"

(Sighs.) "Yeah. I know."

"You just remember that. It's a long season. You're going to get lonely."

"Whatever. Good luck in Colorado."

"Up yours."

"You wish."