Later, Suckers: A Masstermind Nightmare

1:04pm EST, Sun., December 16, 2007, Foxboro, MA

The Patriots are ready to take the field and start their game against the Jets, but Jets coach Eric Mangini is waiving his team off the field. A sideline reporter for one of the networks runs over to investigate the reason why, and Mangini takes the microphone and addresses the camera.

"Give me that. Thank you. Now, put me into the Jumbotron so all of these people can see me. Now."

He waits for several awkward minutes. Patriots fans boo, but withot particular venom; they are too confused as to what is going on, and curious to hear what on earth Mangini has to say.

"I have several announcements to make. First, this will be the last game I ever coach in the National Football League."

Deafening applause. Mangini smiles, waves, but there is steel in his eyes.

"The reason why is that I have, through a large network of associates, bet an inordinate amount of money on my team to cover the spread in today's game. A spread that started this week at 24 points, and is now the largest amount in NFL history."

Shocked silence. Even Patriots fans wouldn't have suspected Mangini of such an action.

"To ensure that I and my associates cash in on those bets, and to further tarnish the Perfect Season that all of you seem to feel is your birthright, I am, as my last act as Head Coach of the New York Jets, forfeiting this game.

By NFL rule, this game will go in the books as Patriots 1, Jets 0. Please note that this means that if your team goes undefeated, my Jets will go down in history as having the smallest margin of defeat. You also don't get to see Tom Brady or Randy Moss set the single-season touchdown record. As a matter of fact, you don't get to see much of anything. Hope that tailgating was worth it to you."

A helicopter arrives over the bowl of the stadium, landing near Mangini.

"Now, if you will all excuse me, I'm going to go home to my money -- more money than any of will ever see in your lifetime. And if you had money on the Patriots today to cover the spread, some of that money is yours. Oh, sorry. Was yours.

Later, suckers."

The chopper fades into the New England sky. Across America, Mangini's action gets the following reaction:



And we all, a football nation united, wipe away tears.