Monday, December 24, 2007

We Interrupt Our Painful Grieving Process To Pule For The Money You Fined Us During Our Desertion

In a stunning display of avarice, New York Knicks point guard and lead cancer Stephon Marbury is appealing the $195,000 fine that was levied on him during his November Desertion.

Now, we deeply understand the desire of Starchild to spend as little time as possible around the Knicks while still cashing his breathtakingly large checks. In November, this required a bizarre AWOL trip; now, it just involves a "take as long as you like" recuperation from the grief over his father's death. The team also has Starchild's back here and will waive the fine, as the tragedy has helped Starchild emerge to the coveted title of Only Knick Entity That Does Not Evoke Rancid And Constant Booing. (David Lee is said to be jealous, and his parents are said to be nervous.)

But really, honestly, what is 195 large to the Starchild? That's just over 1 percent of his annual salary, not counting endorsement dollars. If you bailed on your company for the better part of a week, causing intense media scrutiny and awkwardness, due to a problematic relationship with your manager... well, I'd think that a 1% fine would be a heck of a lot more preferable to the alternative, which would be the pink slip that nearly everyone involved with the Knicks in any way so deeply deserves.

I, for one, am really hoping that this has to go to some kind of court action, because as we all know, the Knicks are a lot more entertaining in a legal court than they are in a basketball one... and besides, the public role of sympathetic figure just doesn't fit the self-described best point guard in the NBA. (Salary aside, I can rattle off fifteen that I'd rather have, because, um, the game involves defense along with offense.) Fight on, Starchild! Dad would have wanted you to get paid for not working!

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