An incredible day of sports *needed* just one more thing...

Tuesday saw...

> Game Sevens in hockey (sorry for not covering those, but blame site contributor and actual hockey watcher Dirty Davey for not taking care of that)

> The end of the Spurs

> The Blazers prolonging things with the Rockets (I'd say something about that, but we need *one* of these first round series to go to seven games under the radar, don't we?)

> My own team's probable end (but hey, maybe the Association will put Dwight Howard in the hoosegaw for Game Six)

> A full slate of MLB games with a very encouraging start for Phil Hughes, who suddenly looks like the most important Yankee after the Wang Disaster, and the first Red Sox loss in weeks...

and what trails across the Lemur ticket but our old go-to. Thank heavens, I hadn't written about him in so long!

The Most Important Player Ever was released by the Jets today, which means that if -- if? -- he chooses to un-retire yet again, he'll be able to sign with anyone he chooses.

And if you think he won't entertain the possibility, or that Viking Fan won't demand the possibility later, or that Jerruh Jones won't come calling if/when Tony Romo gets hurt/ineffective and Jon Kitna is discovered to be Jon Kitna, perhaps just in time for a big Thanksgiving Day media ballwash...

Sorry, folks. I just can't help myself. And neither can he. Neither can he.

205 Drop: Top 10 signs your NFL team isn't going to do well in the draft

Today's snarky drop, just to prove to you that the site's mission will continue despite the current solemnity, is chock-full of NFL hate. I'm proud of the continuing denigration of my race, and the phrases "dying nerdlings" and "coked-up greaseball." Those should be good for some quality search engine traffic.

Blogrolling is Now Video-Riffic, 50% Off, And Has Wrestling Chickens

Celebrate the historic career of Brett Favre as a Jet for 50% off! Who knew that history came in such small chunks, or with such obvious Everybody's Gonna Laugh At You issues. I'm pretty sure these prices will be going down, down, down, folks.

Please also note the typos in the graphic, which are as they were when I looked at the site this afternoon. This is a Special Franchise, people.

One of the guys in my fantasy leagues went to see La Lucha Libre (aka, Mexican Wrestling) in its natural habitat in SoCal. It's pretty much what you expect, at least until Chupacabra and the Wrestling Chickens show up. Then, you will wonder, yet again, at the unmistakable wonder that is Man.



The Basketball Jones takes the Dunk Contest to the streets. The cuteness is palpable, and "It Feels Gooood."


TBJ AZ 03: The People's Dunk Contest from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

Top 10 Brett Favre Prop Bets

With today's... no, I'm sorry, I can't write it anymore. Let's just go to the prop bet scoreboard and try to get some of Woody Johnson' money back, shall we?

10) Number of teams rumored to be in negotiations to bring him in after their QB gets hurt during the 2009 regular season: Over/under of 6

9) Odds on another comeback: Even money

8) Over/Under Date of Tell-All Book That Throws Dozens Of Coaches, Teammates and Really Mean Bloggers Under The Bus: Super Bowl Week, 2010

7) Chance of a new drug addiction and celebrity rehab stint: 3 to 1 against

6) Divorce with subsequent big publicity trial and allegations: 4 to 1 against

5) Reality show: 10 to 1 against

4) Odds that Tony Kornheiser will not return to MNF for the upcoming season: 5 to 1 if Favre is active, 20 to 1 is he stays retired

3) Criminal arrest with leaked Internet mug shot: 6 to 1 against

2) Over/under for price of a Favre Jets jersey at your local sports retailer: $9.99

1) Chance of ever winning another playoff game: 100,000 to 1 against (Note: Line not changed by retirement)

A truly heroic New York Jet

This afternoon as I put my head down and did the Day Job, a plane landed in the Hudson River, probably no more than half a mile from my desk.

At the end of my day, I walked to my train station, got on my usual subway, and suffered the indignity of a regional rail ride that was 10 minutes later than usual.

So while most will give huge props to the still unnamed pilot that saved 150 people with lightning-quick and precise action... well, not so fast. That was still 10 whole minutes in my life that I'm not getting back. I'm sure Brett Favre would've done it better.

Bye bye, loser

So this was the inspiring Brett Favre pre-game speech to his Jets teammates in a game they had to win to get into the playoffs. I'll set it off in text and provide the video.

"Hey, if it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I love you guys."

Seriously, if you were one of his teammates at that moment, wouldn't you be tempted to just clothesline his ass and give yourself a chance to win without some weepy has-been more or less making sure that you had No Chance?

I realize it's all about Queen Brettmadala, but... um... actually... IT'S FREAKING NOT. Your love for a bunch of people who have been carrying your ass all year is not relevant. Your seeming ambivalence or lack of confidence that your contribution to the game will be anything beyond random...

Well, I'm thinking those FAVRE jerseys can be had for very, very little. And that J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fans is home beating the wife, dog, sister or cousin...

TNF Notes: Jets v. Patriots

I got tonight's game, thanks to my proximity to the Jets media market. It was startlingly entertaining, unlike the next few weeks of NFLN work, which prominently features AFC West teams. Ye gads, this is a network that's just trying to hurt you, really.

I've seen way too much Jet Football this year, both from the market proximity and the fantasy league over-reliance on Thomas Jones, Jerricho Cotchery and Leon Washington. So here's the key points from a game that you probably didn't see...

> The Jets took a big early lead (24-6) on the stength of a Washington kickoff return and some good red zone work by Favre. The Patriots then got a last-second touchdown before the half, as they exploited Jabbar Gaffney against the Jets' weak nickel backs, but the odd thing was how the Jets kept refusing to spy Matt Cassel, who wound up running 8 times for 62 yards tonight to lead the Pats. Honestly, the Jets' failure to adjust for Cassel picking up easy first downs was kind of amazing. Eric Mangini might have won a big game tonight, but his team did it, not his coaching.

> In the second half, the Pats played error-ridden football to make their comeback a hell of a lot harder than it had to be. A Ben Watson fumble stopped one drive just outside of the red zone. An oversnap in the shotgun led to a 23-yard loss and a failed drive. Meanwhile, the Jets were going three and out, forgetting to run the ball, and in general, just behaving dramatically unlike a team that was ready to step up and lead the division.

> Finally, Cassel found Watson at the end of the third for the touchdown, got the surprisingly early 2-point conversion to Gaffney, and then added a long field goal to tie it after another failed Jets drive. The Jets then responded with a long drive that was the kind of thing you thought they'd be doing all night: using their physical offensive line that is much, much better at run than pass blocking, buttressed by the occasional short safe throws from Favre.

After one questionable defensive holding call followed by a much more defensible one, Jones was finally able to punch it in from the one, giving me the fantasy football friendly evening that I needed to take over (temporary) first place in my league. Woo hoo! Go me! It's my birthday! It also looked like the dagger.

> After the kickoff, the Jets forced a three and out with a great Kris Jenkins sack, and things Absolutely Over, given Belichick's continuing shakiness with his timeouts... but the Pats held on a short third down, and wound up 65 yards away with 64 seconds left. Thanks to some truly regrettable prevent defense and some surprisingly competent two-minute drill work from Cassel, the game came down to a 4th and 1 from the 16 with eight seconds left.

Now, at this moment in the game, Randy Moss had two catches for six yards. He'd been open on a deep ball in the third that Cassel failed to keep in the field of play, one of those passes that makes Patriots Fan absolutely convinced that no matter what, this isn't their year. He was, basically, playing one of those trademark Randy Moss Isn't Very Interested Games, because a good corner does that to him with increasing regularity now, and the Jets have a very good corner in Darrelle Revis.

So, on the very last play of the game, after a defensive time out, the Jets put Ty Law on Moss instead.

Law, who was unemployed earlier in the, um, week, mostly because he's very old and very slow.

Who was then promptly beaten off the line by Moss, couldn't recover on a perfectly thrown out by Cassel, and then got to watch the booth review for a pointless few minutes before the catch was upheld.

Tie game and overtime.

Now, honestly, Mangini seems to be a tolerable coach. In two of his three years, he's managed to have his team play meaningful football. If he's had any input at all on the personnel decisions, that's also to the good; his defense is loads better than it was last year. Winning on the road in Foxboro, regardless of how wounded the opponent is, is a great win. Maybe Law had been having a good night up to then, but I kind of doubt it, given that Cassel wound up throwing for 400 yards.

But, um, seriously? You have a guy off the street covering what might be the best wideout in football, one on one, in a do-or-die situation with the division lead and your likely playoff life on the line, since a Patriots win would have given them a 2-0 heads-up edge in the tiebreaker?

That's not strategy, that's suicide. And that kind of unspeakable brain fart just isn't compatible with a team that comes anywhere near a title. Period.

> The Jets won the toss, and with the crowd giving the Pats' defense as much love as they are still capable of giving, gave up a a bad sack on Favre to force a 3rd and long. With all of us waiting for the Favre TAInt that is always looming in big games, the veteran instead took advantage of a non-existent three man pass rush and a wide-open Dustin Keller to convert for the first. Dramatically bad coverage on the part of the home team.

> After that, Favre kept feeding Keller with safe throws, backed up by occasional Jones runs. A big against-the-grain completion to Coles was the last unsafe play of the night, and it put the Jets in field goal position. After three last Jones carries to center the ball and get it closer, Jay Feely came out to add his signature drama on the event. A fluttering field goal snuck in past the left upright, and that was that. Give it up for Mangini here, in that if he had kicked on third down and from two yards further out, maybe Feely misses.

So the Jets move to 7-3, the Pats fell to 6-4... and I'm really having a hard time imagining the Dolphins not winning this division. And by the way, this would never have happened in Bill Belichick was alive. (Seriously, the man's lost the fastball. He's been brutal this year, first in the Colts game, and now this. You get the feeling that he's just not trying as hard as he usually does, because he can't get over the fact that all of his best players are hurt and the game just isn't as much fun when you are scoring 500 points a year. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, really.)

Oh, and finally, give the devil his due. Favre never made the big mistake that would have swung this game to the home team, and he made all of the throws he needed to win the game.

Expect to hear this, oh, a million times in the next week...

NFL Roundup: How 'bout them Cowboys?

There's pleasant, there's fun, there's riotously enjoyable, and then there's the Cowboys getting absolutely dominated in a game they were supposed to win going away... and picking the game correctly to boot.

Oh, and Jerry Jones? Excellent use of the trade deadline, sir. Your acquisition of Roy Williams,, and the immediate long-term contract that you signed him to, in a week where he contributed nothing against a breathtakingly bad secondary... truly, sir, you have never occupied a warmer place in my heart.

The simple fact of the Cowboys right now is that there is no part of this team -- even the presumably dominant offensive line -- that can be counted on. Tony Romo was clearly making that group look better then they are (Brad Johnson was sacked five times today by the previously punchless Rams defense). Marion Barber got his 100 yards, but a lot of it was on one run. Felix Jones made that OL look better too -- and he's out for a few more games. The defense got killed on the ground. The secondary wasn't the huge issue here, but only because the Rams were content to play conservative and kill them with Stephen Jackson.

What's next? Well, let's face it... Jones just tried to fix a team with a bad back-up quarterback and secondary with another wideout. He even got him from Matt Millen's old team, to complete the transition. In post-game comments, Jones was blunt in his unhappiness.

He can't release players. And he just spent his Sunday watching a team that fired its coach on its bye week come back with two unexpected wins against presumably better clubs. Everyone also knows that Wade Phillips is on a Win Or Else leash after the past two playoff washouts. Finally, thanks to the Giants surviving the Niners today, they are two games back in the division, and in real trouble for making the playoffs.

Would Jones fire the coach? Will Romo come back next week at home against the Bucs, even if it's not a very good idea? Will Owens melt down? Is someone (Bill Cowher) getting a phone call with a Name Your Price offer?

Honestly, there's nothing these guys won't try or do. Which is, well, why today was such a gift from Heaven...

> As for the Rams... well, heck. They've won two in a row, and they play in a division with the Niners and and Seahawks. Start thinking playoffs, baby!

> Just when you thought the AFC was getting back to normal... the Colts go to Green Bay and played abysmal football, the Chargers get worked in Buffalo with LaDanian Tomlinson looking spent, Miami returning to seed at home against a presumably reeling Ravens team, the Raiders taking out the Jets in overtime... yeesh.

> So all hail your Titan Overlords, the Last Unbeaten Team, and the club that no one outside of Tennessee really and truly believes in. Maybe we should, given that they've got a dominant defense and some really good work going on in the running game -- they carried the ball 40 times for 332 yards today, albeit against the I-AA Chiefs. People call Kerry Collins a game manager, but he's more than that, given the strength of his arm and the fact that he's won some playoff games and gone to a Super Bowl.

But still, it's hard to shake the idea that some club is going to put together a good game and show all of the reasons why no one thought the Titans were going to go to the playoffs this year, let alone have a three-game lead in the division. Next week at home against the Colts should be Highly Interesting.

> By the box score, today's 29-17 Giants win over the Niners was by the book and easy; the only reason the Niners were even in the game was their second straight week with a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown. But having watched most of the game today, I saw something different.

Shh... you remember Old Eli, the guy who made bad reads and gave the other team a lot of chances to make interceptions? He's back....

The Giants won this game because the Niners are, make no mistake, a terrible team. The defense did the job on Frank Gore (11 carries for 11 yards), and they ran the ball 29 times for 126 yards and two touchdowns. But Manning was only 16 for 31 despite having all kinds of time and places to throw to, and this game was close until JT O'Sullivan made sure it wasn't. The NFC East is wide open, people.

> Continuing the Winless Dream at home today were your Cincinnati Bengals. How bad is this team? Cedric Benson qualified as the Bright Spot. They didn't sack Ben Roethlisberger, and everyone gets to sack him. They gave up 120 yards rushing to Mewelde Moore. Their fans are selling the tickets as fast as they can.

So, um... what does Marvin Lewis have to do to get fired?

> The wackiest game of the day might have been in Chicago, where the Bears rode their No Boring Outcome defense to a 48-41 win over the Vikings. This game might have single-handedly saved the year for a guy in my points league, who had Bernard Berrian (81 yards and a touch), Adrian Peterson (130 combined yards and 2 touchdowns), Greg Olsen (74 and a touch) and the Chicago defense (3 touchdowns, 2 sacks and 4 picks countered by 41 points allowed). Not exactly what anyone expected, really.

In between all of that was the continuing emergence of Kyle Orton, who tossed up another 283 yards, 2 touchdowns and no turnover game. If anyone has ever seen a previously terrible quarterback become reasonable this quickly... well, I can't remember it.

> If picking games in the NFC South were a fight, it would have been stopped by now on cuts. At least the Bucs were able to take out the awful, awful Seabags; it feels like the first right call that I've made in that division this year.

As for the Saints' um, effort in Carolina... well. at least their next game on the road is in London against the Chargers. So both teams can not show up for that one...

> The late game here in the Man Cave was the Raiders taking out the Jets in overtime, in a game that should have had Jets Fan tearing his hair out. On a day where they got 159 yards (!) from Thomas Jones, Brett Favre went back to terrible, with 2 back-breaking picks and bad accuracy (21 of 38). The Raiders took away the Jet wideouts (Laverneous Coles had 4 catches for 51 yards, while Jerricho Cotchery was made complete invisible with 1 catch for no yards by Nnamdi Asommugha).

But the really notable thing to me in this game was how the Raiders won it; it will tell you that they aren't going to win very often. With three minutes let in regulation, the home team went ahead on a 37-yard Sebastian Janikowski field goal. On the next drive, the Raiders defense allowed Favre to escape pressure for a miracle conversion, and failed to make the plays (i.e., dropping interceptions) that would have prevented a tying Jay Feely 52 yarder.

Oh, and they also did that irritating Ice The Kicker thing, on a Feely miss. Can someone please, for the love of football, stop this already?

In overtime, JeMarcus Russell finally made a play to Zach Miller (like all bad QBs, he over-relies on the tight end). Three downs from there, after some remarkably conservative playcalling given that they were only on the Jets 40, the Raiders send Janikowski out to make a 57 yarder. Miraculously, he does it for the win. Had he missed, you have to think the Jets would have been able to move the ball 15 to 20 yards for the win from there, but never mind. It's not like you keep the coaching job in Raider Land from your intellect.

Jets Fan, you just lost a game to a team with a special needs coach. Sure hope that you don't need this game later...

Jets-Chargers Aftermath

As predicted here, the Chargers blew out the NY Bretts last night on MNF. Here are my takeaways of what we learned from the game.

> The bloom is coming off the Favre rose pretty quickly, really. San Diego had three picks last night (two of them from the Sainted One), and could have had a couple more. The thing about Favre's picks is that they really don't all come from the man trying to force things or going for big plays; he throws picks of every variety, really, which is something you have to do if you are going to throw more of them than any other QB that has ever played.

In the first quarter, with the game in the balance, Thomas Jones comes out in the flat, then turns the pattern upfield. Favre throws five yards behind him, and Antonio Cromartie makes a great break on the ball but can't make the catch. It's an easy pick-six if he brings it in, but it goes in the scorebooks as just an incompletion.

Now, if a rookie QB makes that play, it's part of the learning curve. If Tarvaris Jackson or Rex Grossman makes that play, it's grounds for benching. Brett Favre? It's part of the whole package, baby. One question: why?

Either he doesn't know the playbook -- at which point, um, you can and should take him to task for being unprepared and/or moronic -- or he simply made a glaring physical or mental mistake. Or, and this is really the crux of the biscuit, maybe he's just not very accurate anymore, even in the short game, which is where most of his passing happens now.

The Jones ball wasn't even a pick, but it was just awful on every level. The MNF guys all took the opportunity to polish Cromartie's knob, and he is a pretty great young corner, albeit a big gambler. But what they missed is the biggest reason why, if Brett Favre is the quarterback of a team that you care a lot about, you better have a lot of other good things going on with your team.

> San Diego might still win the West -- eventually, Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall have to stop being Brady to Moss, don't they? -- but I don't see the window of opportunity looking very wide for this team any more.

Without Shawne Merriman, they don't get enough push (even when the game was close and the Jets had abandoned the run) on defense, and the secondary, while good, isn't great -- Jammer is reliable but not a shutdown guy, Cromartie will bite on pump fakes and take bad lines, and the safetys don't do enough.

But the most telling point about the Chargers is the coverage teams. Kickoff and punt coverage is an early indicator of a team's talent pool. If your team is covering these well (without using starters), it means that the back-ups are athletic and have the building blocks in place to be productive players. When they don't cover, it means that the tail end of your roster is being staffed by reaches and draft busts who have the gig because they couldn't find anyone better.

Now, the Jets do have outstanding kick returners. Leon Washington is among the top five in the NFL at it, and they had Jerricho Cotchery bust a big one when Washington was gassed in the fourth. The Chargers also were kicking off all night, thanks to the porous Jets secondary and a good night for QB Phillip Rivers. But the Chargers threw in the towel on it at one point (squib kicks, pooch kicking), and that was with a kicker (Nate Kaeding) who usually is good for putting some distance into his kickoffs.

Since the Chargers have the very dangerous Darren Sproles returning kicks, and Kaeding and Scifres doing good work with their own feet, there are very good individual performers on the Charger special teams. No one is going to think that they will lose because of them. But I'm here to tell you, it ain't necessarily so. I've watched enough Eagle Football under the Reid Era to know... if your coverage teams are costing you yards every game, that eventually comes back to haunt you.

> In the fourth quarter, with the game officially into Pump Your Stats Mode (and who says that real football doesn't care about fantasy?), the Jets went into a spread offense with no RB at all (so much for that canny pick of Thomas Jones on my part in too many leagues) and moved the ball. Given the situation of the game and their need to get Saint Brett up to speed with the offense somehow, this made all the sense in the world, and if the Jet defense had shown up at all, they might have found themselves in a game late.

But in going for two down two scores, the spread went from useful to downright silly. After three consecutive Charger penalties on pass plays, the ball was at the half-yard line. The play call then wasn't a plunge into the line, an inside draw handoff, or even a simple Favre sneak. Instead, it was another pass, this one incomplete. Was head coach Eric Mangini still paying attention, or does he not trust his team -- with a physical offensive line that they spent big bucks on (Alan Faneca, Damien Woody) -- to not get a half yard?

> I don't watch college football, so maybe I'm missing something here. Three games into a pro career is hardly the time to break out the fork.

But, um, Jets fan? If this guy in the Vernon Gholston jersey is a football player, I'm an airplane. And that was after he got his very first professional tackle (yay! in only his third game!) and recovered a fumble. Let's just say that your video montage of draft pain just got a little longer...

> I realize this last point is blasphemy, but if I was a Jets fan last night, I was more scared -- and well, you can add much before that -- when Sproles had the ball in his hands, not Tomlinson.

Maybe LdT is still coming back from injury and rust, and maybe Sproles is never going to be a guy you can give the ball to 20-25 times a game, considering that he's all of three inches taller than me. But he's got a burst that the reputed #1 RB in all of football just doesn't have any more.

Having said that, I'd still give you Thomas Jones for him in trade. Quickly.

NFL Wrap Up, Week 1

Great googly moogly, has there ever been a greater shift of power in the first week of the season? Let's review everything we no longer know about the league.

(I'm also going to ignore the MNF games for now, and hopefully later, in that the Raiders will be involved. Let's just move on.)

> After the Brady injury, the Patriots are no longer the favorite to win the AFC East, let alone the Super Bowl.

Will they miss the playoffs without Dreamboat Brady? They shouldn't; they still have great wideouts, a reasonable line, some good running backs, an above average defensive line, good special teams, a ruthless coaching staff and, most importantly, a kitten-soft schedule. Matt Cassel can win games against bad teams. More than that, not so much.

> The teams that everyone thought were the challengers to the Patriots' throne -- the Colts, Chargers and Jaguars -- all lost, and mostly looked terrible in the process.

The Chargers gagged up a home game against a Panthers team that most people thought was a .500 club, and didn't even have the terminally stupid Steve Smith. Don't be fooled by the last-second play; the Panthers were the better team today, especially in the first half.

The Colts were simply punched in the mouth repeatedly by the Chicago Bears, and looked like the old-time finesse team that could be run on with impunity. There was also a huge mistake from Marvin Harrison opening the floodgates to a shocking loss, and Peyton Manning looked rusty and immobile.

The Jaguars lost to a Titans team that got more yards out of the running back than the quarterback, with mistake-free David Garrard turning it over three times. The division is too tough to lose manageable games, especially if you're entertaining dreams of a Super Bowl run.

Add it up, and if you're a Steelers fan, you're probably dancing in the streets right now. It's all breaking your way.

> The Browns look to be a 6 win team. At best. It's no shame to lose to a team with as much talent as the Cowboys, but when you were never really in it for your home opener, that's a whole 'nother kettle of suck. They can't defend the pass and got brutalized in the pits, and some good skill players on offense aren't going to paper over that.

> The best division in football is now the NFC East. You've got the defending champion, doing exactly what they've done during the stretch run last year. The Cowboys gave Tony Romo so much time against the Browns, he looked bored. The Eagles took out the Rams in the easiest opening game victory in the history of the franchise, in a game that's probably going to annoy the coaching staff, in that if will leave them very little to work to improve. Only the Skins look bad, and yes, they are very bad.

> I'd say something about the Jets, but the rest of the world will do that to death. Let's just leave it at the idea that my frequent picks of Jericho Cotchery (2 leagues) and Thomas Jones (2 leagues) don't look so bad today.

> Oh, and let's just call a spade a spade here... if Brady really is done for the year, his decision to walk off the field rather than take the cart, is not a moment of bravery or honor or courage. It's a defiantly selfish act from a player who cared more for his reputation than his team... because if the knee really is done, his responsibility is to get well. Period. Not stalk off the field through the pain and be muy macho.

Touchy, Touchy

In the very real chance that you missed it yesterday, I'd like to direct you to the uproar that yesterday's list caused over at the Carnival. For those of you who would rather not click, it was my list of cursed NFL positions, including such luminaries as Chicago QB, Eagles Coach and Cardinals Owner. For the most part, fans from the tweaked fan bases look it in stride, added fuel to the fire (I did not know that the last time Lion QB made a Pro Bowl was in 1972), or pointed out my occasional mistakes (I should have said Eagles outside linebacker, rather than slight reasonable players like Jeremiah Trotter, and, um, Jeremiah Trotter).

Like any good list piece, it was a reasonable bar argument kind of piece, and it got some fairly significant Web attention, thanks to a link from Sports Illustrated.

And then J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan saw it, and then all hell broke loose.

And yes, it upset me, and the other Carnival writers, all the way to the bank.

You see, it turns out that taking a comedic dump on Joe Willie Namath's Legacy is roughly akin to telling a Catholic that the Pope was a Hitler Youth. Or telling a Packer Fan that they might not have lost all of those playoff games in this millennium with a different, less interception-happy, quarterback. Or telling a Yankees Fan that Derek Jeter gives women communicable diseases while being the second-best shortstop on his team. Or finding a Packer/Yankee Catholic and telling him all of these things at once, possibly with a side order of how their mom fares between the sheets when she's working the night shift.

Because oh, my, J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan does not like it even one little bit when you tweak Joe Willie.

Frankly, I don't get it, but maybe it's just a generational thing. If someone wanted to crack on my franchise's beloved quarterback from before I was born, I'd entertain the argument that Norm Van Brocklin might not have been all that great. The numbers really don't measure up against that argument, in that the 1960 Eagles really didn't run the ball all that well, but what the hey. It was 48 years ago. Have at it.

But you see, what we have to really assess Namath isn't terribly compelling. You've got a less than .500 record, with a 50.1% completion percentage, 47 more picks than touchdowns, who threw a lot when he was young and healthy and the Jets were mediocre, threw less when they were good, and then couldn't stay on the field. He made the Pro Bowl five times in twelve years, and didn't do it again after age 29. He was a first-team All-Pro just once. He won, as far as I can tell from the research, two playoff games in his entire career. (The Raiders and Colts, in the Super Bowl III year.)

As good as his leadership might have been in Super Bowl III, the Jets won that game on their defense and ground game. I get that winning the big game as a big underdog set him up for life in New York, but if that's all you have to do to cement your legacy, he should have retired at age 25 and been the football equivalent of James Dean. The '70s counted as well, and for the most part, those weren't very kind to him on the field.

This isn't meant to denigrate his importance as a cultural icon... but, um, isn't the game played between the lines? J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan felt compelled to tell me about Namath's womanizing, his media impact, his swagger. Um, great.

In the modern game, this makes him Matt Leinart.

A better argument would have been to point out that he was well regarded as a player by his contemporaries, that he struggled with injuries that would have been dealt with much better with today's knee surgeons, and that he must have been one hell of a leader, given the way that his teams seem to perform better when he was in the lineup. There's a case to be made. The Sporting News, after all, named him 96th in their Top 100 Players Ever list in 1999, and he made the Hall of Fame very soon after retirement.

Football statistics are heavily dependent on context; for all we know, Sammy Baugh might have been the best guy to ever play the position. It's like comparing apples to venison. When you look at the film, Namath does throw a beautiful ball with a quick release. It's just what happens to it in the air that's the problem.

And if you want to limit to just his contemporaries... I'm sorry, but I'm going with Kenny Stabler. And Len Dawson. Aesthetics aside, Bob Griese won a ton of games and committed very few mistakes. Sonny Jurgenson put up huge numbers in an impossible era for quarterbacks, and also did it with terrible teams. Bart Starr might have been the best of the '60s. Roger Staubach won more Super Bowls, Fran Tarkenton more playoff games, and Johnny Unitas is Johnny Unitas. People can make a case for Terry Bradshaw, not that I would be thrilled to do so. I think I'm taking Namath over Bert Jones. And that's just from his era.

And, moving beyond Namath, not that J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan was really very interested in doing that... um, guys? Richard Todd threw 30 picks in a year. Pat Ryan still gives me Kotite-esque nightmares. Glenn Foley was your Bobby Hoying. Kellen Clemens made them give Brad Smith snaps. Chad Pennington longs for Koy Detmer's arm strength. And so on, and so on.

Now, is Jets Quarterback really the most cursed position in pro football? No, of course not. Namath gave them an identity. Vinny Testaverde gave them a forgotten great year, and Pennington was a decent game manager and leader before injuries robbed him of, well, the ability to throw a football.

I could have gone with other picks, like Buccaneer QB or Offensive Lineman, or maybe smacked another coach or owner around. But, well, I didn't... and now we know just how touchy you are about your history. Enjoy your delusions.

Epic Drop: Top 10 Cursed Pro Football Positions

Here's today's link, which required more research than usual, and has perhaps the single best moment that I can imagine to summarize the whole of the existence of the Detroit Lions, in that Scott Mitchell is a Legendary Lion. No, I'm not kidding. Go, by all means, and wonder.

Green Bay Needs To Shake Itself

So the local affiliates in Green Bay... have announced that they are going to do everything they can to telecast New York Jets games this year. Because, well, there just isn't any better team in the AFC to see!

Who needs to see Super Bowl champions like the Patriots, Colts or Steelers? Who would want any part of last year's intriguing playoff teams like the Chargers or Jaguars? Why see any games from AFC teams that are relatively close to Wisconsin? Dammit, there's a 4-12 team with a Man Genius on the loose here!

Seriously, Wisconsin? It's time to get a grip. San Francisco didn't move heaven and earth to telecast Chiefs games when Joe Montana moved on. Minnesota didn't need to see Daunte Culpepper's Dolphin games. Philadelphia didn't get any more Steelers games when the Duce got loose in Pittsburgh. And so on, and so on.

Packer Fan, you've got a defending Final Four team with the best talent in the division. Your ex jerked you around, gagged in the playoffs, and is genuinely, startlingly old. Move The Hell On.

If only for the fact that Jets Fan thinks you're pathetic right now. And, well, that's not a good moment for anyone, really.

That didn't take long

H/t, Larry Brown Sports. Can you get a #4 jersey for the Pack or Jets with the word RETIRE on the back?

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

Brett Favre to the Jets for a probable fourth round pick, and we can all get on with our lives.

The Jets get a guy with an actual arm, and it's not like they were all that concerned with the future of Kellen Clemens, or the present of Chad Pennington. The Packers move him to a place where he'll never trouble them again. As for Favre, he'll see what it's like when the home crowd doesn't excuse your mistakes, and your skill players aren't all that great.

I'm thinking he plays for two years, and the Jets go .500, just because the division's not that good and, all foibles aside, he's still a capable quarterback. But mercy, he's going to take a lot of punishment, and adjusting to the quirky way that Eric Mangini does things doesn't sound like the way I'd like spend my 17th NFL season.

Later, Suckers: A Masstermind Nightmare

1:04pm EST, Sun., December 16, 2007, Foxboro, MA

The Patriots are ready to take the field and start their game against the Jets, but Jets coach Eric Mangini is waiving his team off the field. A sideline reporter for one of the networks runs over to investigate the reason why, and Mangini takes the microphone and addresses the camera.

"Give me that. Thank you. Now, put me into the Jumbotron so all of these people can see me. Now."

He waits for several awkward minutes. Patriots fans boo, but withot particular venom; they are too confused as to what is going on, and curious to hear what on earth Mangini has to say.

"I have several announcements to make. First, this will be the last game I ever coach in the National Football League."

Deafening applause. Mangini smiles, waves, but there is steel in his eyes.

"The reason why is that I have, through a large network of associates, bet an inordinate amount of money on my team to cover the spread in today's game. A spread that started this week at 24 points, and is now the largest amount in NFL history."

Shocked silence. Even Patriots fans wouldn't have suspected Mangini of such an action.

"To ensure that I and my associates cash in on those bets, and to further tarnish the Perfect Season that all of you seem to feel is your birthright, I am, as my last act as Head Coach of the New York Jets, forfeiting this game.

By NFL rule, this game will go in the books as Patriots 1, Jets 0. Please note that this means that if your team goes undefeated, my Jets will go down in history as having the smallest margin of defeat. You also don't get to see Tom Brady or Randy Moss set the single-season touchdown record. As a matter of fact, you don't get to see much of anything. Hope that tailgating was worth it to you."

A helicopter arrives over the bowl of the stadium, landing near Mangini.

"Now, if you will all excuse me, I'm going to go home to my money -- more money than any of will ever see in your lifetime. And if you had money on the Patriots today to cover the spread, some of that money is yours. Oh, sorry. Was yours.

Later, suckers."

The chopper fades into the New England sky. Across America, Mangini's action gets the following reaction:



And we all, a football nation united, wipe away tears.

Epic Drop: Top 10 Reasons Eric Mangini Is Sticking With Chad Pennington

Your list is here, and because I have nothing more that can be said about the Jets, let me just add that I'm watching the World Series right now... and this whole "God Bless America" thing in the seventh inning? Needs. To. Stop. Please. For the children.