Paul Allen's $27 Million Problem

Check out this piece from TrueHoop, the great basketball blog that has somehow kept its stripes despite being acquired by the World Wide Lemur. (See, Simmons, there's hope of keeping your voice and utility even when you are taking Mouse Money!) I'll wait here.

For the non-clickers and just to summarize... Darius Miles just might be the greatest case in NBA history of payment outstripping performance, and that's saying something, given that the Association's history includes Joe Barry Carroll, Vin Baker, Benoit Benjamin, Stephon Marbury and the entire raft of contracts penned by Billy King (the most famous of which is/was Theo Ratliff, who I hesitate to include here, since Theo's troubles were more injury then head related).

Miles came into the league as a slightly clouded prospect (he couldn't get a high enough SAT to play for St. John's) who used athleticism and a relentlessly stupid fists on head symbol to make his mark with the Clippers as the third overall pick in the 2000 draft. He made the All-Rookie team and showed flashes of Kevin Garnett-esque brilliance, especially for his age, but it's not like he was shutting down anyone on defense or giving anyone much hope that he was going to turn into, well, someone you'd actually win games with.

After a couple of years, the Clips moved him to the Cavs for Andre Miller in a trade that hurt both teams. He spent a bad year in Cleveland, who couldn't get him to the Blazers fast enough after disciplinary issues. He went, literally, for two guys with no reason to have ever been in the league (point guard Jeff McInnis and center Ruben Boumtje Boumtje, the latter was so nice, they named him twice).

Portland, clearly not understanding why the Cavs were so interested in selling him for 5 cents on the dollar, then installed him with Zach Randolph in a Good Numbers, Bad Playing pairing for the ages. After that failed and more disciplinary issues and the knee injury, Portland has more or less paid him to stay the hell away from their team for the last two years, so that he didn't infect anyone else with his sorry ass attitude.

So what you have here is a 26 year old man-child, who has been paid over $43 MILLION DOLLARS over the course of the last 7 years, to play for teams that have failed to win at all. May we all find opportunities so abundant. (By the way, in a poll of local readers, 76% said that Miles should never suit up for the Blazers again. That's special.)

The Blazers, probably after any number of face-slapping moments, have had a doctor check out Miles and declare that his knee injury was career-ending, so that they could release him and stop worrying about him counting against their salary cap.

This was then followed by the drug test suspension silliness that TrueHoop talks about, and the false hope tease that his workout shows that he might just want to, you know, actually earn a paycheck again. I will give this up for Miles -- at least he isn't 300 pounds and smelling strongly of Funyuns (presumably). If he's using steroids, that might be the best drug choice of his life.

Because he is 6'-9" and a wing player with top shelf talent, the fact that he's a multiple drug offender who insulted his coach with racial slurs (how does that work, exactly, when you are the same race as the person you are slurring?), means that teams like the Celtics and Suns are more than happy to try him out. And his career averages of 10+ points and 5+ boards per game means that he's always going to be on the radar of fantasy league honks who know that minutes equal numbers, especially if you know how to fill the stat sheet in a blowout. What the hell, it's not like he's ever had a decent coach, and he might want to prove those pesky naysayers wrong for a year or two and actually try.

Which finally leaves us to this. If Miles plays 10 more games, it costs the Blazers $27 million against their cap.

Now, I've worked for a Paul Allen company in the past. He puts the oopid in stupid, and shows all of the long-term planning of, well, Darius Miles. He may be the biggest mark in the world.

But, um, $27 million dollars if the guy can play?

If you were Allen, wouldn't you want to have someone, you know, kind of connected... take care of this for you? And where are we, as a country, if that can't happen for less than eight figures?

And lastly, if Miles does come back, can we get some kind of countdown clock and public celebration as the games tick down? Miles could change his entire PR problem around if he just shared the wealth, Pac Man "Adam" Jones, style...