Gift Plans for the Barry Bonds 2008 Farewell Tour

Ed. Note: Barry Bonds said that he expects 2008 to be his final year. How will NL team say goodbye in his final appearance in their park?

NL East

Atlanta - Sid Bream re-enacts his famous playoff dash to the plate that beat Bonds' throw by scoring from second base while using a walker; re-enactment takes less time than actual play

Philadelphia - Special commemorative battery given out to fans to throw

New York - Life-sized Mr. Met bobblehead given to Bonds; statue's head is, still, smaller than Bonds'

Florida - Quilt woven by all 47 Marlin season ticket holders

Washington - Congressional immunity

NL Central

St. Louis - Extra-wide Arch replica that Bonds can fit his head through

Chicago - A four-year, $60 million contract and a new job as the lefty short man in the pen

Milwaukee - Sausage Race now has new character contestant, Needly

Houston - Craig Biggio's small children offer themselves up for some farewell insults from Bonds

Cincinnati - A remarkably forced handshake and photo op with Ken Griffey Jr.

Pittsburgh - Special "This Is Your Life" surprise program / intervention / roast

NL West

Los Angeles - Special commemorative bats give out to fans to throw

Arizona - Brand-new trophy mistress

Colorado - His own life-sized humidifier to sleep in (may help to reduce post-career head swelling)

San Diego - Die-cast figurines of all of the Padres pitches Bonds has violated with his 86 career long balls

San Francisco - Giants owner Peter McGowan has underlings sign a card and email an Amazon gift certificate from his address