Saturday, June 5, 2010

Top 10 NFL off-season takeaways

10) When unemployed WR Terrell Owens tries to distance itself from his reputation as a team cancer by citing Cincinnati's willingness to bring him in for a tryout, he's not working on a new career as a stand-up comedian

9) The Patriots have not extended Tom Brady, because they want him to remind him how he got the job in the first place

8) The Seahawks released LenDale White because they realized that they had somehow signed LenDale White

7) Marshawn Lynch is so mad at the Bills for drafting a RB in the first round that he's skipping practice, which should definitely show them

6) Jeremy Shockey has now gone to the hospital in back-to-back off-seasons, proving that the only thing that was keeping him healthy in the past was being in New York

5) Peyton Manning had neck surgery to fix the problem of hanging his head after throwing a season-ending interception

4) The Dophins' owner is predicting a Super Bowl run, because every 7-9 team with an unheralded QB and imported prima donna WR goes deep into the playoffs

3) Eagle Fan is convinced that the team is doomed due to Marlin Jackson's season-ending mini-camp injury, which is impressive, since no one knew who he was before he got hurt

2) The Colts are the first team to blame the lack of a CBA for an inability to renegotiate a contract, but they sure as hell won't be the last

1) Any team that describes their QB situation as open is a team that will have a QB controversy by mid-season

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