The Not Ready For Prime Time Players

I hate what the NFL has done with night football games.

Part of this, I am sure, is the fact that I've never really adapted back to the East Coast time zone in terms of watching games. There is nothing quite as enjoyable as rolling out of bed at 9:30am, giving the roto wires a last check to see if you are boned or not on injuries to your fantasy league players, and getting the games going over a good breakfast. By the time the late game rolls around, you can slug your way through those and still have daylight left to prevent feeling like an utter pig. It's vastly superior to having to race through stuff in the morning, knowing that if you watch both the 1 and 4 games, you won't see the sun again, casino-style, especially after the daylight savings adjustment.

Now, the Sunday night game? That, historically, was the property of The World Wide Lemur, who treated it as some bizarre experiment in Hipster Fanboy Football. Either you get the wildly overenthusiastic crew of Tirico-Maguire-Theismann (I'm pretty sure that I can still give you hives with an impersonation), or the Let's Hear A Hack Writer Work Out His Column stylings of the Kornheiser Three. (Please, Lord, for Thanksgiving... kill Cornhole. It doesn't even have to be painful. I'll be ever so good.)

The MNF game was rare, quarantined, special, tolerable only in its exception. Especially on the West Coast (and, alas, when I was young and not prone to falling asleep in front of the television), it was more than OK to miss. But now that the lords of night have access to flex schedules and fantasy sports makes nearly every damn game meaningful, it's hostage-esque. I want my evenings back.

Or, if not back, at least not so freaking painful.

There's no worse feeling for an NFL fan than a SNF/MNF loss. You get to go to bed with it (good luck with that: my nightmares had readjusted red lines periodically appearing in them), complete with the knowledge that the loss basically hurts extra, since there's less recovery time for your team afterwards. Also, um, that your team is the Philadelphia Eagles, who can't win under the lights now to save their lives, and routinely have their most dispiriting losses in prime time.

Don't believe me? Here's the track record.

2008 - 0-3 and counting

Week 10, SNF: Lose at home to the Giants, 36-31

Week 4, SNF: Lose on the road to the Bears, 24-20

Week 2, MNF: Lose on the road to the Cowboys, 41-37

2007 - No wins, four losses, much cursing

Week 12, SNF: Lose on the road to the Patriots, 31-28

Week 9, SNF: Lose at home to the Cowboys, 38-17

Week 4, SNF: Lose on the road to the Giants, 16-3

Week 2, MNF: Lose at home to the Redskins, 20-12

You have to go back to Week 16, 2006 (a 23-7 win over Dallas in Dallas) for the Birds last win in prime time. Since then, you've had your choice of knee to the groin, gouge to the eyes, or body cavity violation. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, has signified the change from the promising start of the Andy Reid Era to its sad and growing obsolescence as the team's performance under the lights.

Oh, and if you want to start dreading the next one? It's Week 13, when the Eagles are the third Thanksgiving game, at home against the Cardinals. And Week 15, a MNF game against Cleveland at home. They should be favored in both games, given that the Cardinals rarely show up on the road and the Browns are kind of horrible.

But it wouldn't surprise me if they blew both games. After all, the run defense clearly can't show up at night, and Andy clearly can't think at night anymore...