Top 10 reasons why the Super Bowl will be a Scalper's Paradise

10) With the game at the Jerruh-soleum and tickets starting at $1,500 and up, the floor is already through the ceiling

9) When you are in the presence of such monumental architectural foolishness, ticket foolishness is inspired by osmosis

8) Pittsburgh and Green Bay may be the two biggest Road Fan groups in the country, since that means those people are able to get the hell out of Green Bay and Pittsburgh

7) With the economy picking up, people are more interested in spending money in ways that are plainly and spectacularly irresponsible

6) Everyone already owns a big television, and the 3-D thing just isn't making anyone buy new gear

5) With Dallas already well on the way to Mexico, losing gamblers are halfway to a new life already

4) You can trade your oil well for them, but only after shooting your guns in the air and screaming "Yee Haw!"

3) Everyone wants to work together to keep those old Visa bastards out of the game

2) Both teams have tons of fans from the 60s and 70s championship eras who are more than prepared to spend the retirement and estate, rather than leave anything for their ungrateful spawn

1) The Cowboys and their fans have had the ability to purchase a portion of the tickets, and since that team has won just one playoff game in this century, they've been selling those seats since before the year even started