FTT Off-Topic: Top 10 Phoenix Jones Takeaways

OK folks... watch this first. And no, it's not a joke. As far as I can tell.



10) If and when this guy gets offed, there will be a massive class action lawsuit against "Kick Ass"

9) If this guy has really been doing this for nine months without news footage, he's either very bad at it, or the local news coverage is terrible

8) If Phoenix doesn't have a summer outfit for warmer weather, he's going to have an all-new weapon that can't be used for good

7) The hidden wall in the comic book store is really a nice touch, but as a traditionalist, I demand a pole for him to slide down

6) While the weapons are a nice choice, he really does need a grappling hook and a belt full of chemicals

5) If this is a promo for some upcoming viral Web thing or movie, someone should spring for some wheels

4) It can't be that hard to figure out the guy's secret identity, unless the comic book store is letting everyone go into the not very secret anymore room

3) There really needs to be an origin story here, and given his name, it's going to have to require basketball or the Grateful Dead, neither of which seems conducive to a superhero origin

2) Given the location, relative age, athletic fitness and generally non-thought-out nature of this occupation, we really can't rule out that Phoenix Jones is actually Charlie Whitehurst

1) I think I speak for all of America when I plead for Seattle's criminals to also start dressing in costume, especially if you can get hot girls to go along with it