What I Learned On My Spring Vacation

Not Shown: The Lines

Well, kids, it's the end of six working days and ten total days of vacation, and I guess I should get back to work. Here's what I've learned in the time off.

> Driving 1,000 miles each way to take a vacation with five people in a hybrid hatchback may be economical, but it's not a lot of fun

> Traveling with kids means that you will stop for them about 2 to 3X more than your car will demand, and that your ETA will never, ever be accurate

> GPS sucks when it comes to getting around Washington, DC, mostly because there is no really good way to get around Washington, DC

> If your 7-year-old vomits in a theme park, do not assume that it will stop at one or two instances, that there is any chance that it's not getting on you, and that you and your spouse will then spend the next 18 hours losing weight the hard way

> Universal has long lines, costs too much money, and isn't a place you'll need to go back to once you've spent time there, but it's still way better than Disney

> The reason why is the underlying message of "Hey, you're a nerd for this movie, come take a ride" is vastly superior to "If you don't take your child here, they will never experience magic or joy"

> By the time you finish your vacation, you will finally know where to go and what to do, but not one minute before

> Florida remains a seductive oasis of warmth where you can more or less feel your intellect and will to work drain away, never to return

> The people who sell and design timeshare locations feel that casino operators are charmingly organic and well-meaning

> Not writing or exercising for 10 days makes the return to writing and exercising will make your inner lazy fat slob absolutely pule

And with that, back at it.