Top 10 reasons why Tokyo won the 2020 Olympics

Seriously, this is their logo

10) Radiation could be down to 5X healthy levels by then, and after having the event in China, it's all good

9) Thought about giving the Games to Istanbul, but tear gas generally doesn't work well for track and field events

8) After the upcoming Sochi, Russia disaster, want to make sure they put this in as many gay-tastic towns as possible

7) With wrestling back in the mix as a medal sport, Tokyo makes a ton of sense, along with thumb tacks, barbed wire and weapons

6) In the final analysis, the International Olympic Committee just could not say no to all of that astoundingly bizarre porn

5) Bid came with the promise of inclusion in the final Miyazaki film, and let's face it, the man's a master

4) The 1964 event was such magic to all involved, in that it wasn't accompanied by controversial Black Power salutes, terrorist-induced death, the enduring horror of Montreal's Stade Olympique, or American and Soviet boycotts

3) Tokyo's spectacular experience in hosting seedy businessmen just could not be beat

2) Stacking up Olympic athletes and tourists like inmates in population-dense hotels for ungodly amounts of money is the finest embodiment of the modern Olympic spirit

1) Gives them the lifelong fantasy of seeing what happens when the five Olympic rings merge to form something with devastating killing power