|MONSTERS KILL WITH FIRE|
9) Are Verizon users getting irradiated by their angelic chorus emitting phones?
8) Can't Colin Kaepernick afford his own terrible fast food?
7) Is there something about being a Lowe's customer that makes you assault your friends with ice cold water?
6) If I buy a Toyota, do I have to engage in group dance?
5) Are the people who invest with Ameritrade doomed to spending their entire lives at work in a single eternal shift?
4) Do Samsung Smart TV buyers become horrifying sedentary shut-ins?
3) Are Honda minivan owners beset by talking garbage?
2) Does taking Viagra cause side effect hallucinations where I am the last man alive, and have to live out my days tending to machinery in a monochrome hellscape?
1) Is there any local, state or federal agency or police force that can stop DirecTV users from ruining the property value of our homes?