Top 10 takeaways from Melky Cabrera's PED Suspension

10) While the 50-game suspension is a strong penalty, the much bigger issue is the lifelong shame that he will feel for actually getting caught

9) Cabrera tested positive for testosterone, which as any number of fantasy owners looking for power hitting OFs will tell you, is no longer welcome in MLB

8) Melky has accepted the punishment, mostly because he doesn't have Ryan Braun's FedEx guy

7) This does not mean that the National League's critical win in the All-Star Game is forfeit, but dammit, it should

6) Cabrera can work out at the minor league complex during his suspension, so that he can be exposed to much more easily detected PEDs

5) It's a total shock that a middling OF in the midst of a career year on offense could somehow test positive for PEDs

4) If you are scoring at home, Melky is the 666th ex-Yankee to be on the juice, narrowly beating out, sigh, Oakland

3) This is really going to hurt the Giants' playoff chances, seeing as Melky was the only guy actually, you know, getting hits

2) There's really no way to tell how the Giants' fan base is going to react to the news that their star outfielder is a notorious cheater

1) This news, plus the fact that he's Melky Cabrera, is really going to kill his chances of making the Hall of Fame