Top 10 reasons why the Blazers hired Terry Stotts

10) The fact that you are saying "Who?" speaks fairly well about his affordability and leads to an effective ad campaign / reboot around his mysterious origins

9) Team was very impressed by his excellent work in, um, Atlanta and Milwaukee, I guess

8) Team's fan base has had it too easy for too long with coaches they actually gave a damn about

7) Even Paul Allen isn't dumb enough to sign on for more Kaleb Canales

6) Stotts has a cunning plan to make sure the next big young center's knees don't turn to powder

5) Stotts still has hair to pull out when the new rookie-heavy lineup hits the floor

4) Stotts is part of the George Karl coaching tree, so he's sure to become critically renowned while never winning a ring, too

3) If you want to make LaMarcus Aldridge into Dirk Nowitzki, hiring the Dallas assistant is clearly the only way

2) Only in Portland do they see a third team retread in his mid-50s as the answer to a sudden youth movement tear down

1) As noted before, he comes cheap, and seeing how Allen is bound to run out of money one of these eons, that matters