Kobe's Airbrushing

There was a story in the New Yorker this week that got some play in the marketing and advertising fields in which I toil, and like too many things, I'm seeing a correlation to sports. It was a profile of a graphics professional who uses digital tools to enhance imagery in celebrity photos, and how the Dove "Real Women" campaign had also benefited from his touch. (That's why it got play outside of the magazine, of course.)

And it struck me how this is exactly what's been happening with your Most Valuable Player of the Association, Kobe Bryant.

Now, my Kobe Hate is longstanding. It started with watching him, as a young player, non-shoot his team to a sweep against the Jazz, when it looked for all the world like he'd rather work on his distance shooting than, you know, win a game. It continued with his fake Good Guy era in the early days of the Shaq time in LA, capped off by the dismantling of the AI Sixers. When the Colorado charges came out, I wasn't shocked; he had seemed like a bad guy all along, so seeing it in public wasn't shocking. (With the Sprite "Obey Your Thirst" campaign out at the time, it was pretty damned funny.) After he ran Shaq, he's spent years putting up numbers and disappearing when it mattered, with the biggest El Foldo being a Game 7 versus Phoenix where he couldn't even be bothered with taking shots in the second half.

So we all knew who and what he was, and what the Lakers were -- a low seed, relatively easy first round out, and a tribute to himself. By the numbers, he could be an MVP, but basketball is more than raw numbers, and he was never really a serious candidate for the award.

Ten months ago, Bryant upped the ante with some of the worst teammate behavior in history, with a trade-me love-me freakout for the ages. When the season actually began, the sense that the Lake Show had to move him for pennies on the dollar was overwhelming... but then a funny thing happened. Andrew Bynum was good. The bench was even better. When Bynum got hurt, they lucked into a lopsided deal for Pau Gasol. So Kobe not only decided to play, he even decided to include his teammates.

And for that, he got the MVP. I can't remember a faster or more artificial PR turnaround.

I was listening to people talking about the MVP debate last week, and one of the yammerheads actually seemed a little surprised by the idea that Bryant might still have a PR problem from the Colorado incident. Maybe it's just because I'm, you know, a father of daughters, and hence, I recognize Bryant for what he is -- the living, breathing definition of the kind of guy that will ruin your kid's life and faith in humanity -- but, um, yes.

Is this an unfair standard for Bryant? Lots of MVPs haven't been very nice people. When Iverson had his issues with the Philadelphia police, it was a first-class media circus, and to this day, I'm sure that most casual fans think Iverson's a worse guy than Bryant. Maybe if the laundry had been changed, and Kobe had three rings with my team, I'd think the same way about him.

But I'd like to think that I'm smarter than that, even if the MVP voters, marketing people, and all of the chuckleheads now wearing Bryant MVP t-shirts aren't. Bryant is a great player; even when his shot isn't falling, he brings a lot of intensity on the defensive end, and his will to win is right up there with Jordan at his prime. He's also a diva, an adulterer, an anal rapist (allegedly), and someone who will throw his teammates not just under a bus, but then push that bus off a cliff... and that's true for when they lose, or if they dare to outshine him.

If that's your definition of value, or a guy whose merch you want to wear, so be it. Me, I'll choose to remember him before the airbrushing.