Let Me Earn My Street And Intellectual Cred By Discussing Television Shows

When I was growing up, if you wanted to impress someone with your intellect while watching television, you put on PBS and tried to look appreciative while people with British accents bored you senseless.

More importantly, you didn't try to impress them by watching television. Maybe, I don't know, you picked up a freaking book or magazine, or just gave up on the effort, since impressing people with your intellect is kind of like impressing women with your prowess in bed by dropping trou on the street -- it might work, but chances are, you're just going to look like a tool.

Lo, how the times have changed. Now, sports bloggers and writers feel compelled, for reasons that start at unfathomable and go straight to masturbatory, to tell you the music they are listening to. Or the coffee they are drinking. or their opinions on television shows that they have long ago shot past on the good old demographic scale.

To wit, if you are telling me how smoking hot some actress is, and you could have been having sex when she was born, this does not make you hip. or a man (and, yes, for this kind of wank, it's almost always a man) who is on the cutting edge of pop culture. It makes you a creepy statutory rapist wannabe who should really STFU, lest The Authorities decide that such a thing has now become criminally actionable.

More importantly, it makes you someone who is not providing sports content on what is purported to be a sports site. And well, the Web is filled to bursting with places that cover that form of timewaste.

And, well, if you must? GO WRITE FOR THOSE SITES. Start a side blog. Write under your wife's name (heh heh heh). Collect all of those little treasures, including your kid's field hockey moments and your hipster-certified music and your reality television problem and your relationship issues, and PUT THEM ALL SOMEWHERE ELSE. I have suggestions for locations, if you're stuck for one.

Because, well... when I want to read about sports, I'd like to read about sports. And not rants about people not writing about sports. (Oh. Wait. Crap...)