Yes and Nos on L'Affaire Cutler

(I have to be brief on this one today; too much going on outside of the blog. Yes, I suck.)

Yes, the QB is a pouting whiner who should have gotten over it.

No, Chicago Fan will not hold that against him. Seriously, after the QBs that franchise had had, Cutler could come out of the huddle wearing wings and a fluffy tail and they'd eat it up.

Yes, Coach Idiot McDaniels is on the shortest leash imaginable for a new guy in Denver, having jettisoned his team's best asset with no real back up plan in check. Chris Simms and Kyle Orton do not count, unless you're adding up losses, turnovers, and career-threatening injuries.

No, Chicago did not give up too much for him, because there is no way in hell that their first round picks will be in the top half of the draft so long as Cutler is upright.

Yes, Cutler really is worth the trouble: he's mobile, has an arm, doesn't fear the rush and productive. Head aside, there aren't five quarterbacks in the League with a brighter future ahead of them. Denver Fan will get to regret this for a decade or more, along the same way the Falcon Fan regretted the Favre Trade up until about 2003.

No, he won't be as good in Chicago, because he won't have Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal at the wideouts. But at least now he has a running back and a defense. In real terms, he'll win more games; in fantasy ones, he just dropped five spots in rank for 2009-10.

No, I'm not sold that Orlando Pace at tackle for the Bears was a great addition, because he hasn't been healthy for years. But he could have just been dogging it to get the hell out of St. Louis. It's a better gamble than most.

Yes, this does make the Bears better and a possible division winner, but I still think the Packers have the most talent in the division.

And finally... I think the Broncos will go 3-13 this year, and that McDaniels will be run out of town on a rail. Just one more genius that wasn't from the Belichick Tree.

(Oh, and there will also be a jokey hacky list link on this later in the day, because I've gotten a fresh invite from Editor Scrap of Epic Carnival infamy to whore myself out again. Time to go shave my legs.)

We Will Now Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Wanking

Did you have NBA Trade Deadline Fever? I know I did, having spent most of the last 72 hours in a cocaine-fueled tizzy while digging into the contract details of every player in the Association, then moving them all around in ways that only my fantastic mind could comprehend. After that work was done, I then went on to a lot of NBA blogs and posted my latest research, just to see how much groundswell I could get. How else could you explain rumors like:

> Shaquille O'Neal to the Cavs, because he worked so well for the Suns in their stretch drive last year, and the Cavs are completely convinced that they need to blow up the team, considering how gosh-darn awful they've looked as the best team in the East this year

> Vince Carter to Toronto, just to teach him a valuable lesson about being a piece of crap

> Kirk Hinrich to a team that's convinced that oft-injured and unathletic point guards always age well (surprisingly, Hinrich is still a Bull)

> Stephon Marbury to the Celtics, because the Celtics always get a guy for pennies on the dollar, and the Knicks want nothing more than to put him in the same division and on a playoff team, for all that he's done for them

> Raptors sending Chris Bosh to the Bulls, because you want to move a guy to a franchise that, if they offered their entire team for him, still doesn't have enough

> My left nut for my right one, just to give both a fresh start

What actually happened? Squadouche, as Norm Chad might say, and I'm probably impugning the good name of nothing by associating it with Larry Hughes and Rafer Alston (but probably not Brad Miller). By the end of the afternoon, the Lemur had already pivoted to the Tiger Comeback, having sensed that the biggest annual non-story, behind only Dog Show Coverage and the ESPYs for sheer Public Naked Pud Pulling, had faded.

Why do the Association's fans and writers fall for this every year? Maybe it's just that it's February and we're all out of other things to write about. Maybe it's because the writers are all hopeless nerds who would rather play Fake GM than Real Fan.

Or maybe -- and this is the stunning thing, the unthinkable thing, the dare not speak its name thing -- the Association's front offices are actually, you know, a little bit smart about their jobs.

Trades in the NBA, unless they are absolute theft (see Gasol to the Lakers and Garnett to the Celtics), are rarely a great way to improve your lineup. That's because trades are almost always about the salary cap, rather than the on-court product, and because it takes a long time -- years, really -- for players to truly adapt their games to each other and be successful, especially on the defensive end. Most mid-season trades are just shuffling chairs on the Titanic; by the time you've played 50 games, barring injury, you are what you are. Unlike baseball, a bubble team does not go to the Finals with the right move; unlike football, trades actually exist.

Anyway, now that that's over, it's time to... watch the games? Hell no. Let's write some more about the 2010 free agent class!

Old and In The News

A fairly intriguing trade in the Association this week, as the Heat moved past-his-prime energy player extraordinaire Shawn Marion to the Raptors for perpetually injured under-performing center Jermaine O'Neal. Also involved: Forward Jamario Moon, aka the only Globetrotter to play in the Association in years, and guard Marcus Banks, who is on his fifth team in five years, mostly because he has a hideously overpriced contract and the kind of physical gifts that have led several organizations to think that They Can Mold Him. This is where teams in the Association resemble MLB teams with left-handed pitchers that can throw the ball 90 miles an hour, regardless of the actual results.

Anyway, we're going to ignore Moon and Banks, even though Jamario probably deserves better than that, because I'm Just That Way.

For the Raptors, Shawn Marion gets reunited with GM Bryan Colangelo, who had him during his glory years in the desert. Unfortunately, he's now 30, and a hard 30 given the minutes and way he plays the game, and it's a very open question as to whether he can be anything meaningful without Steve Nash feeding him 5 dunks a game. Fantasy guys love him because he provides good across the board numbers, especially on defense, and in reality, he doesn't demand the ball much, or hurt you in any category.

He's also probably a better fit in Toronto with Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani on the front line, and the Raps do try to play up-tempo, so there's a chance that point guard Jose Calderon could bring him back a little. He was available because he didn't sign a long-term deal with the Heat last year, probably because someone told him how valued he was in fantasy basketball, and he took that to heart.

The Raps may be a better team with Marion, but it's hard to see their end of this as being more than the $3 million they got back in the deal (the most you can get in a trade under Association rules), or just trying to make Bosh happier for when he becomes a free agent in the fabled 2010 free agent class.

And oh, by the way? Lots of luck with that one. I get that it's rare for a top guy to leave, but the plain and simple fact is that Toronto should be like Utah; a less-than-ideal destination for African-American stars to play, with the rare exception of a franchise guy. When you have the fun of customs and cold weather, it just seems more likely for you to retain international talent that doesn't want/need to be involved in big commercial off-the-court deals. Of all of the guys in the 2010 class, I still think that Bosh is the most likely to move, unless the Raps catch lightning with this trade and go deep in the playoffs. Anyway, let's move on to the Heat's part of the deal.

Jermaine O'Neal, when healthy and motivated, is one of the top six or so options at center in the Association, especially on the defensive end, where he'll give you a couple of blocks a game without trying to pad his numbers. He's also a reasonable passer out of the block than most of the black holes that play 5, and this year, he's even managed to get his free throw percentage above 80%, which is a historical weakness. The problem, of course, is the health.

O'Neal hasn't ever played over 70 games in a year since 2003-04. Whether that was because he was making a ridiculous amount of money for a Pacers team that was going nowhere fast (his salary for this year is over $21 million, which is more than a little insane, even by Association big man standards), or because he had legit injuries is pretty meaningless; he didn't show up. Like Marion, he's also 30, and also older than that in mileage terms, due to the injuries and his lack of a college career. When he's the best player you have on your team, as the Pacer Experience showed, you aren't going anywhere. It's also suspected that he might miss Calderon, as the best Heat passer is non-point guard Dwayne Wade, with 7 a game.

And now we get to the truly most important player in the trade, in that he's the best player on either the Heat or the Raps -- Wade. What Miami is trying to do here is to recreate the Wade-Shaq duo that led them to their championship by giving D-Wade an inside scorer and defensive stopper. But the trouble is that the rest of the lineup are kids who have no concept or inclination towards defense, with the exception of eternal Boxer-like power forward Udonis Haslem. In crunch time, the Heat are going to go with Wade-Haslem-O'Neal and whoever is having a reasonable game from the platter of Michael Beasley, Daequan Cook, Mario Chalmers and eight other guys (!) that are somehow averaging over 10 minutes a game. It's a far cry from the days when they'd trot out vets like Alonzo Mourning, Antoine Walker (who, for the record, tried when he was in Miami), Eddie Jones and Brian Grant.

If O'Neal and Wade can stay healthy, and maybe help to reign in Beasley (quietly terrible, especially in comparison to OJ Mayo in Memphis, who would have been outstanding here next to Wade), the Heat could surprise in the playoffs. If nothing else, betting against D-Wade in a short series is less than advisable. But in the long run, the biggest trade in the Association this year is unlikely to change the balance of power in the East, either this year or the next... because you just don't do that by moving 30-year-old guys whose best days are behind them.

Shockingly, Jason Bay Seems Fine

So Boston Fan, showing the age-old short term vision of the fan, seems all kinds of OK with the Manny Ramirez trade, because the Sox have been pounding the ball for the last week. (Plus, it ties into that incredible racism that we in the sports blogosphere just can't get enough of. Woo hoo, easy comedy!)

Jason Bay, it turns out, is a good player after all -- against all odds. Hey, why believe the career statistics, because playing in a Very Special Media Market like Boston just destroys players with weak clutch performances and media troubles, like, well, Manny and JD Drew. Hey, wait a minute...

The simple fact is that playing in Boston *isn't* all that difficult anymore, because the organization makes things easy with exceptional talent evaluation. If Mike Lowell struggles, he doesn't take the same hit that others would in MLB+ markets, because there are many other plus players to make the shortfall less critical. If Alex Rodriguez fails, the world ends for Yankee Fan and the team. It's just that simple.

Of course, they will forget all about Bay's usefulness if he fails in a meaningful moment in the playoffs... but he's really not the focal point here. What's happened is that David Ortiz has finally played like David Ortiz in the last few games, and when he's on his game, they are just going to score a lot of runs. The trouble will come later, if at all.

Houston's New Problem

FTT's favorite team cancer and wildly overrated NBA player is getting some new laundry. The Houston Rockets become the dumb pick to become an actual title contender by giving up a fairly worthless draft pick, an expiring contract (attached to the spent Bobby Jackson) and another player (reputed to be rookie forward Donte Greene) for the knucklehead. The Rockets are also expected to take some human ballast that goes by the name of Patrick Ewing Jr. and Sean Singletary to make the deal work.

If you want to look on the bright side of life, Testy is going to perhaps the only coach he's ever loved. Rick Adelman had him for the last half of the 05-06' Honeymoon Period in Sactown, and he milked him for 17, 5 and 4, along with a first-team NBA All-Defense selection. If he has his head on straight, the theory goes, he'll give the Rockets an imposing defensive lineup, with your crunch time five consisting of two stoppers (him and Shane Batier), two sieves (Rafer Alston and Yao Ming), and one situational (Tracy McGrady, who has the Kobe Ability to be good defensively when he chooses to expend the energy).

If you're the Rockets, I guess you had to do this deal. It's not like you're going to get this collection of talents for this rock-bottom price (seriously, Green should be the only thing that matters from the Kings side, and it's not as if he's a lock to make it, especially for a Kings franchise that's looking like it's packing light for the Las Vegas or Seattle moving vans). But what people don't get about Testy is that he's actually a pretty terrible basketball player. His muscles are for show, as the eternally bad rebounding numbers show -- we're talking about a 6'-7", 248=pound specimen (read: probable juicer) that plays major minutes, and gets just over a rebound a quarter. He's also one of those guys who shouldn't be allowed to touch the ball outside of the three point arc, and he likes to jack it up from there a lot.

This, of course, doesn't even get into the sideshow mainshow that is Testy. If your team's losing, he gets bored and bails. If your team's winning, he's still a ticking time bomb with the refs, coaches, opposing fans, and life. He's also, not to put to fine a point on it, a genuinely bad human being, even by infamous athlete standards: witness the dog abuse stuff that went on in Sactown, let alone the pull the pin and toss the grenade routine that single-handedly destroyed the Pacers. This is just a guess, but I'm thinking that he's responsible for Jermaine O'Neal becoming useless, too.

Well, let the pretending begin, Houston Fan. Maybe this is the year that brittle big man Yao Ming finally stays healthy. Or that Rafer Alston isn't really a deluxe backup masquerading as a starter. Or that two guys with ineffective offensive games (Battier and Testy) can trade off the wing positions and not chafe each other -- heck, just having a franchise with eventual presidential candidate Battier with eventual convicted felon Testy makes the Rockets the sports blogosphere's go-to team. Oh, and that Rick Adelman, of all people, can crack the whip and make them all stay in line. Me, I'll put money down under the Tracy McGrady Loses In The First Round prop bet. That's worked out swimmingly for me for years.

What would I have done? Signed the surprising and effective Carl Landry, given him the starting minutes, saved yourself the heartache, and worked on the glaring Achilles' heels that are really going to doom this franchise over the next few years: the fact that they don't have a point guard on the roster that can stay with Chris Paul or Deron Williams, and that Yao is a terrible on-the-ball defender and a guy who's longing for Ziggy Ilgauskas's durability. But now, all of that gets forgotten about, because the circus has come to town.

And if you think I'm wrong, find a Kings fan -- I'm sure there still are some, it's not like those cow tippers have anything else to watch -- that tells you he's really going to miss Testy, and that he'll fondly look back on his tenure in the capital for all of the wins and winning play. Good luck finding that guy. (OTOH, I was the guy who thought the Celtics would never get Garnett, and that when they did get him, he wasn't going to be enough to get them a ring. So start printing up Finals tickets.)

Epic Drop: Top 10 Developments From The Jeremy Shockey Trade

Here's your list, with over 30% new content.

For the record, I am glad to see Shockey out of the division, because the Eagles really have no coverage answer for a big and talented tight end. Besides, when Shockey out-muscles Brian Dawkins for a big catch, some large part of me dies. And, one suspects, you too...

New York Joins The Hate Shockey Bandwagon

The most overrated tight end in football got moved today, as Jeremy Shockey goes from the Giants to the Saints for a second and a fifth in 2009.

That sounds about right to me, given that Shockey is 28 and injury-prone, but a major upgrade over Eric Johnson, in that he has broken a tackle in his life. There is the small matter of key drops on third down, badly timed penalties and turnovers, and throwing the team under the bus in the post-game media session, but those are all workable, right? Heck, there probably isn't even any media left in New Orleans, seeing how Kyle Turley and Aaron Brooks both made money there for a while.

Kudos to the Giants for getting a good return on their investment, and realizing that Kevin Boss was better, younger, and cheaper. Now, if and when the Giants struggle this year, wait for meatheads from North Jersey (your humble blogger is from Philadelphia, and merely lives in Central Jersey, thereby giving me innate superiority) to claim it's all because they moved on this motormouth.

Wait, screw that, I'm an Eagles fan. Giants Fan, you're doomed without Shockey's leadership!

Crap, even I can't pretend on this one.

In New Orleans, Shockey is reunited with Sean Payton, who remembers him as a rookie that was, well, good enough to make people overrate him in the first place. He also gets Drew Brees, who certainly showed that he'll feed a tight end when he was in San Diego with Antonio Gates. Of course, Gates is three times the player that Shockey is, but you figure that he's going to have one good Screw You Coughlin year in him down in the Bayou.

Shockey moving on is also an excellent acid test of the New York homer in your roto league (and we all have one of each). Shockey's value should be higher now, assuming that the people in your league pay attention to the Saints at all. Boss might be a better real player, but in the fake leagues, Shockey is the ones with the heavy catch years, and his QB plays half of his games in a happy time dome -- so Shockey should be higher in anything but a keeper league. (I also think Brees is a lot better than Eli Manning, but since Eli won a Super Bowl, no one can say anything mean about him ever again. That includes you, Giant Fan.)

But now that he's not wearing the right laundry... maybe not. Plus, we -- and by we, I mean Philly Fan and Giant Fan, who exist in an uneasy truce in my part of the world -- can all come together. It's unanimous. Shockey's an ass!

Finally, this... FTT Contributor the Five Tool Ninja notes that the G-Men have 13 players with four letter last names, and seven of them end in a double consonant. So if you are like me, and like to throw four letter words at the Giants, you're rate over 25% of the time. Which is, well, one in four. We're through the looking glass here, people...

Epic Drop: Top 11 Reasons The A's Traded Rich Harden

Here's your link for the day, complete with my lingering hate of the Rich Harden trade. That's not going away anytime soon.

Hard Dump

The perspective in the sports blogosphere is that the Cubs had to make the Rich Harden trade after the Brewers got CC Sabathia. I get that, and also that the A's playing any kind of reasonable baseball right now, a year ahead of New Stadium and Then We'll Actually Try, You Betcha, is gravy.

So... um... shouldn't they have gotten a lot more than a possibly good 22 year old starting pitcher, a toolsy minor league OF, another OF who was never able to get regular playing time, and some anonymous catcher? Especially from a guy who, um, was had an option for '09 that means that he wasn't going to break the bank just yet?

Here is the last 281.1 innings of Rich Harden's career: a 2.76 ERA with 289 strikeouts. In terms of strikeouts per 9 innings, he's the leading active starting pitcher in baseball, and he hasn't even had the advantage of going after the National League's lack of DH. In the NL, to unfamiliar hitters and with the lower pitch counts that you get from simply being pinch-hit for, he could be a Cy Young candidate.

Here's where You point out the obvious, that you are looking at many years to get those precious, precious innings... but even in the event of Harden's continued injury woes, I'd much rather have the guy that gives you quality or gives you space than the dreaded "Innings Eater." Besides, if and when Harden goes down, the A's were considerate enough to add the highly serviceable Chad Gaudin to the mix (3.59 ERA, 2.5 to 1 K/BB), and since Gaudin has spent his time in the AL, he'll enjoy the same Unfamiliarity Bump that Harden will.

There is, of course, another possibility here... that the A's have acted in seriously bad faith and know that there's something wrong with Harden right here and right now. His last two starts haven't been to his usual level, and there was talk of lower velocity. Since he's going to the cursed franchise of Prior and Wood, maybe this is just Act III.

But if not... the Cubbies instantly upgrade the top end of their rotation and add another reasonable contingency plan. How about what my team gets? I'm reading how Sean Gallagher has shown flashes of brilliance, Matt Murton can hit for average, Eric Patterson has tools and Josh Donaldson is, well, a catcher, and without those, you got a lot of passed balls. Let's break these down in turn.

You've just dealt a dominant SP for an unproven one. Well OK then. You're picking up an OF that, for whatever reason, has never been able to break through and get the consistent, no doubt playing time that any young guy with a spark should get. So either the Cubs are idiots to not play him, or maybe there are defensive or chemistry issues -- I'm calling that a 50/50 shot at best. Patterson's a nice tool to have, especially when the other touted OF prospects get moved (Andre Ethier) or otherwise flush out (Travis Buck).

Look, I appreciate Billy Beane. I understand that he operates under a shoestring, and that he seems to enjoy it. I get that Oakland SPs always seem better than they are because of the park that they work in, and the emphasis that the team makes on good defenders. I also get that the knee-jerk reaction to any trade of an established and effective player is to snarl about not getting enough back.

But just because he fleeced the Cardinals in the Mulder trade, and that the initial return from Arizona in the Haren move appears more than adequate, that doesn't mean that moving the ace always works. Witness the "haul" that he got from the Braves with Tim Hudson, or the iffy returns from the "Moneyball" class of Blanton, Swisher, Jeremy Brown and a lot of other guys you don't remember. Consider, if you will, that this offense has been mediocre to bad for so long, I'm not sure that it will ever be good again. He's not perfect... and with the Cubs looking down the barrel of a charging Brewers team and on deadline, I expected more.

And so long as we're dumping salary -- and yes, I know that's not a thing you accuse your team of doing, but this is Oakland, and that's what they do, and it's not as if they aren't profitable, given revenue sharing and the fact that the whole team makes less in a year than Alex Rodriguez -- why on earth is Eric Chavez still on the team? You mean you couldn't get the de facto Yankees of the NL to take his contract as part of the deal? (Yes, yes, the Cubs have a third baseman already.)

Grr. Still angry. Even after Justin Duchscherer's first career shutout, and the fact that I have Harden on my roto team, and he's bound to win more games and strike out more guys in Chicago than he was going to do in Oakland. (Which means I get to be even angrier when he next goes on the DL.) GRR.

Epic Drop: Top 11 MLB Players That Should Be Traded

Your list is here, and it required research and everything. Two A's appear on this list, and it hurt to include them, but so be it...

Epic Drop:Top 10 Benefits of Pac Man Jones Going To the Cowboys

Your list is here, and all kidding aside, it seems like a decent enough gamble to me... but I'm not sure I'd be bringing in another world-class head case when Owens and Johnson are still on the roster. Too many of these chuckleheads, you're just asking for a circus. (And as an Eagles fan, I am so rooting for circus...)

Hockey Wheelin' and Dealin'

GMGM gets going! Action for Les Capitaux at the trade deadline!

Picked up Cristobal Huet from the Canadiens for a second-round pick in '09. Huet was the #1 but is a free agent at the end of the season; it looks like the Habs decided that 20-year-old Carey Price is the future, and the future is now. Kolzig was in net tonight and saved 34/35 in a win over the Wild, but the future for Olie the Goalie now looks to be out of town.

Also traded the rights to Notre Dame freshman Ted Ruth (Our Lady has hockey? Who knew?) for Sergei Fedorov (He was playing in Columbus--who knew?!). The hope is that Fedorov will strengthen the second line; at any rate, he adds veteran experience and can talk to Ovechkin in his native tongue.

And in the Disappointing Matt Exchange department, they sent Pettinger to Vancouver for Cooke.

Carolina pulled out an OT win over the Devils keeping the Caps five points out of the Southeast division lead and three seed, though the Canes have played two more games. Three points and two teams still sit between the Caps and the eight seed; the division is likely the easier target.

Compounding the Sin

I know, you've waited 48+ hours to get the FTT take on this and all, but here goes...

The Cleveland Cavaliers acquired former defensive player of the year Ben Wallace and swingman Joe Smith from the Chicago Bulls in an 11-player, three-team blockbuster deal on Thursday.

Cleveland also got forward Wally Szczerbiak and guard Delonte West from the Seattle SuperSonics, general manager Danny Ferry announced Thursday.

In exchange, the Cavaliers sent Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Cedric Simmons and Shannon Brown to the Bulls and Ira Newble and Donyell Marshall to Seattle.

Cleveland also received Chicago's 2009 second round draft selection and Seattle acquired Adrian Griffin from the Bulls.

In any Monster Deal, there's an awful lot of dross to sort through. The remarkable thing about this deal is that almost all of it left one team -- the Cavs.

When the dust settled, Cleveland now gets to start Wallace, Ilgauskas, Sczerbiak and West with LeBron, and bring Gibson, Varaejo and Smith off the bench. (And the starters may be wrong and all, but that's their top eight, and all will get time.)

Here's what that does for them. It means that they won't be wondering where Hughes and Gooden are when the chips are down. It means they won't have a 37% shooter who isn't a point guard... playing point guard. It should mean a whole lot less of Eric Snow, since with Wallace on the floor, you can only have one guy who absolutely can't score playing. It gives them a very good spot-up shooter in the Zerb, and a reasonable defensive presence in Wallace that can cover for the fact that Wally can't defend anyone. It also makes them, IMO, a much more dangerous team in the East, and might make them the favorites over the big three of Detroit, Boston and Orlando in a second-round playoff matchup... because it gives LeBron all of the proof he needs that his GM is watching the same games he's been playing in.

Now, that doesn't mean the Cavs are a shoo-in to make it back to the Finals as the Team That Should Lose, because they've only got 30 games to figure out how to play with each other, and that's probably not enough time. But it sure makes them a hell of a lot more interesting than they were on Wednesday, and for next year as well.

Seattle, on the other hand, cleared cap space from a guy that did them no good (Wally) and a reasonable guard that was in a logjam for minutes with Ridnour and Watson (West). It also probably gives them some nice wiggle room with expiring contracts, since no one in their right mind wants Donyell Marshall for the long run on their roster. The only problem with this plan is that freeing up cap space for a team that's moving to Oklahoma City is kind of like putting in a really nice wet bar in a bomb shelter; you're still not going to be attracting the really high-class snatch. But on principle at least, it's the right move, and it gives Seattle's front office personnel something nice to put on their resumes later, when they want to go to a real NBA franchise.

Now, what did Chicago get, other than clearing minutes for Ty Thomas and Yannick Noah? The previously mentioned 37% non-point point guard in Hughes. A power forward that has been part of every trade rumor for the past five years in the league -- I'm guessing there are reasons for that behind the boneheaded play on the court. (This assumes, of course, that they are actually going to play the guys they dealt for, rather than just bench them and completely poison the atmosphere around this team.)

How exactly does this fix the Bulls' problems -- which is to say, questionable low post presence and point guard play on offense, and worrisome team chemistry? Gooden and Hughes have been on a million teams in their time in the league. Those are the guys that you want to bring into a team of young and previously unselfish hustle players? I know that Big Ben wasn't working out for you, but was this really the price you had to pay to get rid of him?

For many years, the Bulls appeared to have A Plan. They were going to stockpile hustle guys, pressure teams into mistakes, and hope that one of their young players -- Deng or Gordon, primarily -- became the kind of guy that could carry them in crunch time in a playoff. It might not have been the most feasible way to a championship, but at least it made for entertaining ball, and made them the constant source of speculation whenever a team had a game-changing superstar that was thinking of forcing a trade.

Now? I have no idea what they are, or what they are trying to accomplish. And neither do they.

Two of three teams won this trade, and one of them did so by a lot. The last destroyed the team to rid themselves of one player and contract. But that's life in the NBA -- the bad signings destroy you.

Dammit, Testy, You're Better Than That

A week after Mike Bibby and his overrated but still competent self was sent out of town for a big pile of nothing...

Ron Artest has gone back on his claim from earlier this month that the Kings "would be better if I wasn't on the team."

Testy is making $7.4 million a year, which seems like a bargain -- hell, that's Bobby Sura money. Unfortunately, he's wildly overrated, a bad percentage shooter, a below-average rebounder despite his (likely roid-addled) physique and a team poison that could murder everyone on the team in their sleep, with no one in the media or NBA fandom doing much more than saying "Damn, I had April in the pool."

So what's he saying now? Hold on to your hats. Sactown, despite being clearly lottery-bound, is getting a parade!

"I am anxious to see what my future holds, [but] I like Sac," Artest wrote in an e-mail. "My entire focus is with Sac and winning a championship this year."

Well, far be it from me to cast aspersions on the Tru Warier's commitment. He's given up rap, disappointing thousands of fans of unintentional comedy. He hasn't beaten his chest like King Kong, prompting an ejection, for, like, days. He's got the back of his coach, former sitcom star Reggie Theus, who calls him the go-to guy on the team. (That sound you just heard was Kevin Martin calling his agent, looking for a trade.) Everything is coming up Testy!

Except for the fact that... the Kings are 23-28, 5 games under .500, and 8.5 games out of the last playoff spot in the West. That's currently a 3-way dance between the 32-20 Warriors, Rockets and Nuggets -- three teams with vastly superior talent, coaches and fan bases, given that Testy in Sactown is a Fish Out of Water script that Disney would reject as being too unrealistic to grunt out a movie from. That massive home-court advantage the Kings used to enjoy? Not so much now.

They'd also have to finish above Portland, who actually have team chemistry, let alone talented young players. And, well... Sactown just traded their starting point guard in an obvious give-up move for the future, and they've made no indication that they want more of Testy after this year. Given that the team has made no real move forward since he came there, you can hardly blame the Maloofs for not exactly rolling out the Chris Webber contract for the Warier.

If this were any NBA player other than Testy, I'd think he was just saying the right thing to help grease the wheels for the next trade. But this is the biggest heel in the Association we're talking about here, a guy who Dennis Rodman thinks is unhinged. You aren't going to deal for him under the idea that he's turned over a new leaf. You'd pull the trigger for him if you are getting killed defensively at small forward, have nothing to lose, and have a tried-and-true clubhouse that might stand a chance of keeping him in line. You know, the way the Bulls (and not the Mavs or Spurs) won with Rodman. Under those criteria, maybe the Spurs go for him in the Stephen Jackson Memorial Role, but only if they think Bruce Bowen is ready for the glue farm. Maybe the Pistons could also pull him off, except for the fact that Tayshaun Prince is the same player, but better.

The point is that no one is buying the Nice Testy act. He might as well keep his rep alive and show up to practice with a suicide bomb belt and a timer clock until the trade deadline.

Besides, at the end of the day, we all know there is only one place for Testy to be -- the same place that was rumored last March. New York, for David Lee, so that both teams could have More of the Same.

The Incredibly Irrelevant New York Knicks would become Must Destroy Your TV watching with Testy. Watching him try to take shots away from the rest of these me-first maniacs, seeing his reactions to Isiah's bizarro-land coaching decisions, having him get in the grill of no-defense big men like Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph in his occasional bouts of caring about winning and losing...

Well, it'd be entertaining, in the way that a train wreck becomes infinitely more captivating when, after the bodies have stopped twitching and the moaning has subsided, smoke and fire start to appear, and you know Big Explosions are going to happen. One of the few always-true points about life is that so long as it's present, it can get worse... and Testy in his hometown, with that roster, fan base and coach, is almost like a science experiment of awful. Come on Isiah, ignore Testy's not-completely bloated salary and the sense of self-preservation that fills most people when they are in the presence of homicidal nutbags. Get it done!

Bibbylicious Trade Analysis

Sacramento has thrown in the towel for this year, and the Hawks have locked up that first-round playoff loss (because, um, he's not getting them out of a first-round matchup against Boston, Detroit, or even Orlando)... because here's the dirty little not-so-secret about this 29-year-old "point guard."

He hasn't had more than 6.8 assists per game since he was a Vancouver Grizzly.

He hasn't shot 45% from the floor since 2003-04.

He gives you a little more than 3 boards a game, despite logging pretty heavy minutes. And it's not like there hasn't been a lot of loose balls to be had in King Land the last few years, or a dominant big man that's been grabbing up all the boards.

He makes, gulp, $12.5 million a year, is coming off a serious injury...

and is, um, a defensive sieve who hasn't won a playoff series since, again, 2003.

If I had to list a top 10 most overrated players in the NBA, he's the point guard, really.

Now, he can shoot some 3's, has been hot in the playoffs in the past, and is the first player in a Hawks uniform that has actually been through some meaningful games. They didn't give up anything all that meaningful to get him, assuming the deal goes through as originally reported.

But he's just, well, not that good... and that's today, at 29. In the long term in the Eastern Conference, this does nothing to swing the world down Atlanta way.

Epic Drop: Top 10 Reasons The Eric Bedard Trade Has Taken So Long... and some Shaq Musings

Your link is here, and no, I have no real idea why these teams have taken so long to seal what seems like, in the wake of the ludicrously low price for Johan Santana, a simple and equitable exchange of Ace for Cheap Talent. There's been shorter wars than this freaking trade.

And speaking of trades, I know that I'm required by blogger law to write something about Shaq going from the Heat to the Suns, so here goes. Shawn Marion is a better player right now, but his value will go into the toilet without Nash feeding him, and as a 30-year-old energy player, he's going to be a bad contract in the future. A motivated Shaq is a wonderful thing, but he fits in with the up-tempo Suns like a stripper in church, and his promises of not letting them down notwithstanding, it's hard to see how they are better today then they were yesterday... unless, of course, this is finally the thing that gets Fat Boris Diaw out of his 2-year-old funk.

For the Heat, Marion makes them better, but he's going to be a 15 points per game kind of guy without a point guard -- and no, White Chocolate does not count. But with both teams feeling they needed to Do Something, one can see how What The Hell, Let's Deal happened. Besides, with both contracts coming off the boards fairly soon, the deal really can't be analyzed until we see who the teams sign later.

The Art of the Trade

Every fantasy league has one. The one guy who is constantly looking for a trade. And not just any trade. The lopsided, ridiculous trade offer that you don’t even consider. He usually ends up flipping the majority of his roster twice during the season. He’s the guy that offers you Duncan and Hennessey for Pujols. “Hey, AP’s numbers are down. Duncan is raking and has 1B eligibility. Hennessey is closing for the Giants now too.” No matter how many times you tell him no, he’ll 1)respond that you don’t look at the numbers enough; 2)Resend you similar offers of other bums for the same stud you have; or 3)find some other sucker to trade with. He always gets his man.

I play in the same baseball, basketball and football leagues each year. By same, I mean we have about an 80-90% return rate. So you get to know the guys in each league. And in all three of these leagues is the guy who beats you down for trades. Our trade aficionado – let’s call him the Professor - spends most of his time trolling for trades. He used to drive me crazy with the offers and responses to rejections. His constant crap offers, over and over and over. But then it hit me. This guy is a genius.

In college we all had one buddy that would hit on anything. The thought was eventually someone would say yes. His thinking was you had to throw out a lot of lines to see what stuck. And amazingly, this guy ended up scoring some quality women. It wasn’t just the pure quantity of attempts, but he got his rap down after doing it so many times. The Professor in many ways is like this. He’ll try with the hot girls first (the league veterans) and try to rip out a stud. A couple of years ago I traded Bosh (right before his break out year) for Steve Francis. Ouch. His smooth double talk convinced me. If he can’t score there, he moves on to the rookies. Kind of like closing time at the bars in college – the pick up artist moves in for the wounded gazelles.

I’ve come to admire the Professor’s drive and determination. Say what you will about his offers, but he is consistently in the playoffs of all three leagues. I’m here to say do not disparage this man any longer. Let us celebrate his Troy Tulowitzki and Kevin Gregg offer for Carlos Beltran. Let us embrace his excel spreadsheets with hard data on why you should take that trade. Let us revel in his reply to your rejection of the trade when he gives you the reasons why you are lacking stats in certain categories. This is free, excellent advice and insights that we are so quick to ignore. How blind we have become.

So today I say to the Professor, thank you. Thank you for showing the rest of us how to not sit on our hands. Thank you for your willingness to accept the rejection and disparaging remarks. Thank you for playing the game your way and accepting no alternatives. I respect your resolve. Now how about I trade you Dustin Pedroia and Marcus Giles for Matt Holiday?