Your tears are the sweetest of nectars

Because I'm something of a hateful prick, one of my favorite post-game pastimes is surfing the blogs of whatever NFL team that lost to the Eagles. As you might imagine, that Week 17 game against the Cowboys provided at least a year's worth of solid stroke-fuel.

The Vikings, with their Midwestern stoicism, didn't give me much, but the Giants, oh, sweet, sweet, Giants. They have provided me with so much delicious pain. So irrational. So illogical. So, so beautiful. Join me, won't you, as we traipse through the mental and emotional collapse of a fanbase. (All misspellings, curious grammatical innovations and general stupidity original.)

From Big Blue 101: I'm too pissed for stats or analysis right now. When I wake from my drunken stupor in a few days I'll come back and talk about what this means for the Giants. But for now, I retreat to my basement with a bottle of Jack Daniels to soothe things over. Cause at least Jack Daniels doesn't disappoint me by blowing two fourth and short conversions in an important playoff game.

From the comments at ULTIMATENYG:I wish in football it would not be such a big deal to change QBs if one does not "have it." Clearly, Eli, our starting pitcher, did not have it, so bring in a reliever. Carr has zip and confidence. [David Carr's career stats: 59.7% completion percentage, 62 TDs, 70 INTs and a QB rating of 70.2 not including his grossly inflated numbers from this year.]

From the game thread at Big Blue Review: We played Philly because of a zip code instead of a record. San Diego made the playoffs because of a zip code instead of a record. Indy had to play a team on the road that they were 4 games better than because of a Zip Code. Atlanta had to go on the road against a team two games worse because of a zip code. The #1 seed in both conferences played harder opponents with better records because of zip codes.

I come from this little place called logic…and while living here, I’ve determined that a team with a better f---ing record deserves more than a team with a worse f---ing record…not for that team to be cheated because their taxpaying fan base happens to reside in a location further located east or west or north or south. It’s called bulls--t. I tried explaining why the NFL does the playoff system that they do to my non-football watching girlfriend, and she couldn’t understand for the life of her why the system would be so dumb…and I told her I don’t know either. [Dude, you had a bye week and a home playoff game. What else do you want? The Eagles to play with nine men on defense? They have to start A. J. Feely? Quit whining like a bitch.]

From the comments at The Blue Screen: So far, Eli Manning has had 1 good Quarter as a NY Giant. Last year in the superbowl. Other than that, he is the largest choke artist that ever donned a Giants Jersey. A complete waste of cash, continually looks like a dejected 6 year old while playing the game, has no heart at all, completely indecisive during every call at the line. Here's an idea, draft a quarterback with a pair, enough with the choir boy, send him packing!!!

From GMENHQ (Who said prior to the game, "The Eagles couldn't make the playoffs without the failures of others this season. Team of destiny? Absolutely not. Team of luck? Definitely."): Notice how I didn’t title this post “Eagles win,” or anything to do with the Eagles winning. Because for anyone who watched this game, it was clear that the New York Giants pulled a Plaxico Burress by shooting themselves in the foot (rather than the leg) all day long.

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Donovan and the Birds shooting the Giants in the ass, but Giants fans should go ahead and believe whatever they like. They've got plenty of time to lie to themselves now.

Top 11 Questions For Giants Fan

Because, as happy as I am over this win, I'm happier still that the Giants lost. Your tears are like sweet wine to me, Giants Fan!

11. Which of Eli Manning's three interceptions was your favorite?

10. When Tom Coughlin gets angry at the refs, do you also think he's saying "Rassing Frassin Cotton Pickin' Varmints!"

9. Do you miss having Jared "The Hefty Lefty" Lorenzon around for those 3-inch quarterback sneaks?

8. How much do you blame Plaxico Burress for this?

7. Why did you stop chanting "Eagles Suck" after the first quarter?

6. Does it make you feel better that you saw the only 23-11 game in NFL history?

5. When did Coughlin steal Andy Reid's brain for idiotic challenges?

4. Did you miss Jeremy Shockey today?

3. Which of the two fourth and short stoppages in the fourth quarter made you more spastically violent?

2. If Michael Strahan and Usi Umenyiora were on the field, do you think you get a single sack of Donovan McNabb this year?

1. Is Eli still your Super Bowl Hero?

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: Fourth Quarter

Play action pass to Celek in the end zone is the perfect play call and execution, and we are Camping Happily here in the Man Space. After the Akers PAT, the Eagles lead 20-11, a two-possession game, and the Giants are playing into the wind in the fourth quarter. The home team is in trouble, folks!

Bradshaw gets it to the 24 before he's eaten. Can the defense make this one drama-free? Not with easy 11-yard runs to Jacobs on first down, no. From the 35, he gets another 5, as he's clearly been the Giants' best offensive player today. From the 40, Eli from the gun, and this time he gives to Jacobs for 2 on a draw that didn't fool many. With 13 minutes left, getting off the field here would be huge... and from the gun, they keep it on the ground with Ward. He's just short, and from the Giants 45, you'd have to think they are going for it, needing just six inches. Coughlin is challenging the spot, and I am dreaming hard of a lost timeout, but given that this is an Eagles game, in New York, and Coughlin has been able to use the power of anger to get pass interference calls overturned, the hopes aren't high. After commerce, even Joe and Troy think the challenge isn't going to work, and the refs stiff Coughlin. Beautiful. Giants have just one timeout left, and the Giants go for it on fourth and inches against a rested defense. Manning sneaks doesn't look good for the home team at all, and PHILLY TAKES OVER. WOW, WOW, WOW.

Troy is aghast at Eli's failure to get three inches. He has betrayed him!

From the Giants 45, Don from the gun gives to Dub for three, and The Clock Is Running. Second and seven from the gun is Don to Curtis on a play where he gets two and nearly loses his head. Third and five is huge for the possible field goal and clock, and Don from the gun finds Dub in the flat, but Webster stops him a yard short of the first. If this was a power team, you'd think about the kill shot go, or maybe even the fake, but instead, Rocca just punts it to the 11, and it will be back on the defense. 10:22 left. Damn, a first down would have taken a lot of air out of this game.

Even Fox is down on Eli now. From the 11, he gives to Ward, who gets through some shoddy tackling for 14. Not useful. His first good carry of the day is followed by his second, for 8. Giants still huddling; Ward now with 10 for 40. Another nice middle hole for him gets the first down, and for some reason, the clock stops at 9:09. Why? Because it's broken now. Eli to Toomer gets five, and it's followed by Jacobs for a yard. The clock is back up now, and running to 7:30 on a third and three. Giants are 2 for 11 on third down. From the gun, the direct snap is to Ward, who is swallowed by Parker for no gain. The Giants are going for it on fourth again, with under seven minutes left and only one timeout in the bag. A play here might end it, and the give to Jacobs should not get the first... and the measurement backs me up. The Eagles hold on fourth on back to back series, and with 6:28 left, you couldn't ask for more.

From the gun, Don gives to Buck, who loses two to the right; Giants are in Big Desperate Defense mode now. Don then administers what could be a kill shot with a perfect deep ball to DJ, who toasts Corey Webster and nearly scores. Wow. Yes, world, we do enjoy our rookie wideout, who doesn't seem very gassed at all.

Dub to the 1 and the clock runs. A touchdown makes it a three possession game. Giants Fan sounds like they want to leave. Dub loses a yard in the middle as the Eagles show that, even in a game they are winning, they still can't run in short yardage. Clock down to 4:10. Don can't find Baskett on a roll out, and the clock stops with 4:02 left. Akers to try a PAT to make it a 12-point game, which isn't a bad thing, but not a perfect kill shot, either.

Akers to the end zone, and Bradshaw to the 27, which is a worry that didn't materialize. We are 3:51 away from the weirdest second round weekend ever. Joe talks up Plax Burress. Ha ha! A quick out to Hixon isn't very helpful. Toomer is open on the left for way too much as Sheldon Brown misreads it. 3:24 left, Giants ball at midfield, and Eli ends it with another awful pick, an overthrow that Mikell settles under at the Eagles 32. That should empty the stadium, and do very little for his jersey sales. Welcome back to the Real Eli, Giants Fan! Last year's playoffs were a very long time ago!

Don is 22 of 40 for 217, one touchdown, two picks, and I'll take all of it in this wind and against that defense. Of course, it helps tons that Eli went Delhomme there. A two yard gain on first is followed by an unnecessary Don run that gets yards but also stops the clock; let's not have any injuries, please. Don hotdogs on the Giants bench by picking up the phone, and draws a 15 yard flag that makes it 3rd and 16. WTF, Don? But we're into the confetti bucket stage of this one as Rocca lines up to punt. Hixon is downed at the 20 with 2:04 left, and Don's phone wackiness has led to more work for the defense. I suspect they won't mind too much.

Clemons almost picks Eli again, and we're at the 2-minute mark. For those of you keeping track of such things, that would have been his third, and he's now 12 of 26 for 150 with, of course, no touchdowns. On second, with Giants Fan sounding drunk and angry, Ward is kept in bounds with a 7 yard gain. Ward again on second can't get out of bounds, and Steve Smith ends things with a wacky fumble that nicely symbolized the Giants' futility today. Don sits on it, and for the first time ever, an NFL game will end with a 23-11 score and all three top seeds losing. Wow.

In the last eight quarters against the Eagles, all at home, NY scored two touchdowns: one special teams touchdown, one garbage time touchdown, one safety and three field goals. And that, more than anything else, is why they are gone.

And that, my friends, is that: the Eagles are going to Arizona to play for the right to go for the third Super Bowl in their existence, against a 4 seed that they destroyed to save their season in late November. And for the record, Andy Reid still has to resign. You clearly don't respond to any other motivation, so Die, Fat Man, Die.

But in the meantime, won't you sing with me?



(And no, I don't care what you think. I'm singing, bitches!)

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: Third Quarter

Demps starts the second half with a big and lovely return where he got every possible yard out of it; the Eagles will start at their own 47, into the wind. Avant gets a couple on a long out throw to the left. From the 49, utter and complete disaster, as Don's pass is blocked at the line, tipped by a lineman, and collected by Giants defensive lineman Fred Robbins, who takes it to the Eagles 33. Kill me. But if you are looking for omens, the barely-there ankle tackle by Kevin Curtis kept Robbins from getting it a lot closer.

Jacobs for 10 through traffic as Joe and Troy can not control the glee in their voices. He gets it again for five, and has 11 for 65 on the day, and the Giants do us a favor by bringing him off. From the gun, Eli throws to Ward, who dribbles it. Samuel is in the locker room getting an IV. Get me one too, please. Third and five is a huge play, of course, and Mikell is on the sidelines, too. How fast things change... and from the gun, Eli can't get it to Boss short of the sticks, with Considine making the play. Another terrible ball from the Super Bowl Hero. Carney tries from 35, and with 12:37 left in the quarter, they take the lead back, 11-10.

That's the fourth lead change of the day, and about the best that could be hoped for after a disastrous pick. And I had such dreams of this being out of reach for the home team in the fourth. (Well, no, not really.)

Can Demps give them good starting position again? Samuel returns jogging, which makes me a little happier about life. Tynes to the 1, and Demps has little room; he gets it to the 25. Don rolls out on first and watches Celek's second drop of the day, this one on a roll screen that might have gotten five, and today, five yards means a lot. Troy, of course, buries Don for the drop. Buck gets five with a flag on the field that is, of course, offensive holding. Todd Herremans is guilty of the 7th flag of the day against the road team, versus four for the home squad. Not that I'm bitter. Quinton Mikell leaves limping. Joy. A bubble screen to Dub doesn't work -- hey, why not call it grounding? -- as Don gets slammed. On third and 20, I'm dreaming of a defensive hold. From the gun, DOn avoids pressure, throws cross-field to a wide-open Avant, and he gets the first with a gutty little run at the close. HUGE PLAY. ALL CAPS LETTERS HUGE PLAY.

Kiwanuka leaves with an arm injury, and Don hits Curtis in the hands for a 30+ yard fly that he just plain drops. The miscue is mitigated by a defensive penalty, but good heavens, you have to make that play. Such is the nature of fandom that I yelled much more at the drop than I did at the play to Avant. But yelling has happened on both plays, naturally.

From the Giant 41 with Don looking suddenly sharp, Buck for a few out of the backfield. Giant Fan making noise and sounding worried, and Curtis catches the second down dart that is in his hands for a nice crossing gain. All of ths into the wind, and they've got it at the Giants 41 now.

A Buck run left gets nothing, but at least Andy is still calling them, and giving them to his best RB on the ground. Second and 10 from the gun, and Don can't get it to Avant on a screen against a blitz that might not have gone for much anyway, Justin Tuck is on the ground now, and we go to commerce.

Can they convert the second big third down of the drive and give themselves a chance at the go-ahread points? From the gun, Don has all day, and finally finds Buck for 19 on one of this improv plays that Dub usually makes. Again, huge, and the Giants have to start thinking about blitzing. Avant down on the play is also not useful. Guys are dropping like dominoes in this game.

From the 23, Dub gets a nice little 5 yard gain on the play where DJ is faking the end around. Tuck back in, but looking less than hale. Don misses Dub on a fade route where the man is open, but Don has to unload with a free blitzer, and the wind is no help there. On third and five from the gun, Don misses Dub against a blitz, and Akers is on to try from 35. He gets it, and Joe tries to jinx him hard by noting that he's now made 17 straight post-season figgies, a new record. At least he didn't get to that factoid before the attempt. Our fifth lead change of day makes it Eagles 13, Giants 11, with 7:45 left. I'm taking solace in the fact that the Eagles will have the wind in the fourth.

Akers gets it to the 7, and Bradshaw returns it to the 32; about as much as you can hope for into the wind. Can the defense get a three and out and really make the home team sweat? Troy lobbies for more Brandon Jacobs, and the Giants oblige for 3 on first down. Clock running, and on second down, Jacobs goes left on one of those sidewise runs that makes him ordinary. He gets two, and the third and five is a big chance. Can the defense get off the field? From the gun, Eli finally makes a good throw downfield, and the Giants second third-down conversion is a huge 34-yard play to Hixon. Damn, damn, damn. Giants have the ball at the Eagles 30, but the usual thing happens there, which is that the offense can't get in place fast enough. Eli calls time, and both defenses are starting to show cracks at this point. The difference in this game, you suspect, is that someone will eventually score a red zone touchdown. I'm just hoping it's not the home team.

5:22 left, and We Have Tension. On first, Eli has all day, then throws against his body to Hixon, who Sheldon Brown lays out on a high throw. Second down is a give to Jacobs, and he goes sidewise for a yard. The second big third down play of the drive is a third and nine with a long field goal try looming. From the gun, Eli is incomplete to Ward as Mikell's blitz is helpful. Both teams are just dialing up the execution in the red zone on defense. From 47, Carney misses again, this time to the left, and that's just immense. The Giants have left 6 points on the board today from the kicking game, which is just about the dead opposite of what usually happens to the Eagles in games at this stadium.

From the 37 and the gun, Don gives to Dub, who guts out 5 yards. A little more breathing room for the back in the second half, but not too much; he's now at 11 for 21 on the day. From the gun again, Don fakes the run but can't get the screen to work, and throws it away. Third down is, as you might imagine, a big down, especially with the defense being on the field a lot today. From the gun, Don is perfect to Curtis on a slant, with the blitz in his face again. Perfect coverage doesn't matter when the QB is sharp. Wow, and the Eagles are now 6 for 10 on third down.

Don tries Curtis again, and Webster draws the flag for PI; Coughlin is wildly irate, and the refs might actually go back on the call. Unreal. Chalk one up for Coughlin on that one; I've never seen a crew so pussy-whipped by a coaching staff before. The Eagles wind up calling timeout after the play, and Reid just doesn't have the aerobic activity to get that play overturned again. Even Joe and Troy think the Giants might have gotten away with one here, though I kind of hate that it cost a timeout.

From midfield and the gun, Don finds Smith for 6 yards, and the get-even obvious call is a face mask on Pierce, which brings it to the Giants 29. Don finds Curtis, who scampers to the Giants 14, and the offense is looking good right now. Can they keep it up even in the red zone? From the gun again, Don gets it to Celek, who bulls his way to six yards. The Giants still haven't sacked Don this year, and they are sending a lot of blitzers his way. Second and four is a give to Dub, and he gets three up the gut. Less than a minute left in the third quarter, and this is another huge, huge play... and Dub takes it on a sweep to the 2, for the first down. They let the clock run out, and at the end of three quarters, it's Eagles 13, Giants 11.

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: Second Quarter

Two yards inside to Jacobs on a good run blitz; a toss left on second gets a yard with Jacobs running laterally. Third and 7 is a huge play from midfield, and Eli from the gun just misses Smith on a deep ball. Some pressure from a blitz, but neither Brown nor Dawkins was in good position, and the only person keeping the Eagles in this game right now is Eli. After the de rigeur great punt from Feagles and a nice coverage play from the gunner, the Eagles will start their next drive at their own 7 yard line, with 10 yards of total offense in the first quarter.

Can the offense do anything into the wind, when they did nothing with the wind? Dub gets a yard and puts the ball on the ground after the whistle. That might be his best run of the day. Joy. And then, a marginal intentional grounding call that Troy can't love enough for the safety. The offensive line is terrible so far this week, which, of course, is what happens when you don't have a bye, but still. Kill me. Eagles 7, Giants 5, and this offense can't play any worse, can they?

Rocca's free kick from the 20 is his best of the day, and the coverage is decent. The Giants will start at their own 32, with the wind, needing only the field goal now for the lead. If the Eagles want to win this game, it'd be nice if more than one unit contributes.

Ward's best run of the day is four yards on first. Pierce lobbying the ref for more help. Eli finds Boss short, and the spot gives the Giants a first down they probably don't deserve. It's 69 yards to 11, and a 2-to-1 time of possession, and Ward squirms out of backfield traffic for a 3 yard gain that makes me worried about the fatigue factor. On second and 7, Eli has all day but nearly throws a pick to Mikell; a flag on Bradley negates the play and gives the Giants another first. This game is slipping away fast.

From the 49, Eli finds Boss for 21, and that was easy as well; Bradley, like every other Eagle defender, struggles to cover the tight end. From the 28, Jacobs is nearly horse-collared on the right side, but goes down with no flag and no gain. Second and 10 from the 28 has Eli calling time, the Giants' first. The idea that the Eagles are leading in this game with 11 offensive yards, 24 minutes into the game, kind of staggers the imagination, but what the hey... wasn't this the early game yesterday, too?

3.9 yards to 0.9 yards per play. Wow. On second and 10 from the gun, Eli has time and Hixon open, but once again, the QB fails Big Blue. Third and 10 is a big play, of course, and Eli goes to the gun with another one of those plays where the clock shows zero and there is no flag. I love those plays. A badly designed screen is incomplete, and Carney's try from 46 is wide left. Useful, that. Eagles hold the 7-5 lead and have non-safety field position with 8:53 left in the half.

From the 36, Buck has no gain. This is not a recording. At least it's running some clock. A quick hook to Celek gains 5, and that's a tremendous play for this offense so far today. Third and five requires a timeout, because calling plays crisply is just one of those things that we don't do very often. From the gun, Don finds Smith and a decent spot, and the chains are moved. He was in no way open and Don got crunched, but there's a reason he's the best QB in our franchise history; he makes plays like that fairly often. Phew.

A toss to Westbrook gets 2 as Don swaps helmets; maybe that was the issue with all of the sucky plays up to now. On second, Don doesn't have his chinstrap buckled -- more equipment worries -- as Dub finally gets a hole and goes for 7+. On third and short, BUCK IS A MAN, and converts inside. Huge. Five minutes left in the half and clock running into the wind.

From the Giants 42, Don stumbles his way back to Dub, who gets a yard; dangerous. On second down after four straight runs, Don can't hook up with DJ despite time; into the wind, everything is short, which makes sense. Don is 4 of 8 for 18 yards and leading. Unreal. From the gun on third, Don throws an Arm Punt Pick that Dockery collects at the 20; it's not good by any means, but under pressure, he just couldn't get the ball far enough to DJ to have a chance. Also, I don't really trust Rocca and the coverage team to pin the Giants deep, so I've seen worse picks in my life.

From the 20, Jacobs nearly changes everything with a 24-yard run where an arm tackle at the ankles saves the touchdown. Gahhh. Ward gets five on the right side, and the defense doesn't look ready on either of those runs. Under three minutes left in the half. Eli has all day to find Boss, and when Bradley falls down, that's even easier. It's good for 25 yards, field goal position, and teeth grinding. Jacobs has a big hole on the last play before the two-minute warning, and he pushes Bradley backwards for extra ground and momentum. Let's just say that the All-Pro selection isn't looking good on him right now.

The Eagles get a break from the refs, who deny the Jacobs run before the two-minute warning. Coughlin is in full Rassin' Frassin' Mode over it, of course. From the 26, Eli from the gun throws the quick screen to Hixon for no gain, but offsides on the defense (Juqua Parker, who hasn't been good for a while) negates, which makes Troy and Joe happy that Andy Reid's trickery on the 2-minute Jacobs run review has been thwarted.

From the 21, Eli is high and bad to Toomer, who can't bring it in one-handed. He's 7 of 14 for 83 yards with the pick, and that's with low pressure and some running game, at home. Heh. From the gun again, the deflection is high but not controlled, and Mikell could have picked it as well. You've got to make those plays, defense. Third and five with 1:45 left prompts Eli to use his second timeout, and if this game wasn't for high stakes, it would be Less Than Interesting.

Big play here, and from the gun, Ward collects the quick screen but can't get the first. The Eagles call their second timeout as if they have a functioning offense. Coughlin thinking over his options, and he'll try the field goal from 35, with the wind. He gets it, and the Giants lead 8-7 with 1:33 in the half.

A big return might be the Eagles' best chance, seeing how they have 34 yards. Demps tries hard and runs a long way, but he can only get it to the 25, and I'm not filled with confidence here, unless the 2-minute drill is good.

From the gun on first, Don has time and hits Celek in the hands; he drops it. On second from the gun, DJ turns a short crossing route into a first down to the Eagles 38. That was helpful. 1:13 left. Don gets it to Avant for 5. Don finds Dub for another short cross, and he reaches the sideline with another first. 47 seconds left, with the ball at the 49. Don finds Avant for a big 15 yard middle route despite pressure, and another 10-20 yards would get this in conceivable field goal range. The final time out comes with 40 seconds left in the half, with the ball at the Giants 34. From the gun, Don gets DJ on a 9-yard out and clock stoppage; useful. 36 seconds left. From the 25, Don throws it away as all of the underneath routes are covered.

Fox shows that the Eagles were second in the NFL in points scored in the last two minutes. An inside handoff to Dub moves the chains and gets it to the 20; Don clocks it with 18 seconds left. In normal circumstances, you'd try the end zone now, but this ain't normal, and Don scrambles to the 12. A useful flag is against the Giants to add another five yards, and with 10 seconds left, the Eagles have a first down at the 7. One try for the end zone? Only if you don't give up the field goal... and DJ can't get the feet down on a ball that's too far. Damn, that would have been huge. From 25 yards into the wind, Akers makes it, and the half ends with an Eagles lead, 10-8. Two more quarters of grind await, and the Eagles will get the ball to start the second half.

Eagles-Giants Live Blogging: First Quarter

Well, kids, Armageddon is upon us, and with all of the road team upsets used up yesterday, I'm prepared for 3+ hours of agony that can only be replicate by dental surgery without pain meds. In other words, I'm an Eagles fan.

Fox opens up with a historical montage of how These Teams Just Don't Like Each other, followed by the moron robot thing. Woo. I Be Pumped Now.

Weather seems sunny and hospitable for January, but it's 30 degrees with 20 mph winds. Lawrence Tynes, the Giants long kicker, is running around with sweat pants on. Very manly.

Things begin badly with the ball being blown off the tee. Once again, people, why can't we get a better tee? Akers puts it in the endzone, but the coverage teams suck very badly, and the kicker is the first man to touch returner Ahmad Bradshaw. Giants start at the Eagles 36, a season-long return for Bradshaw, and GAHHH.

Pre-snap weirdness and Steve Smith was wildly open, but Eli misses him. Samuel was going for the short route and phew, that was lucky. Second and 10 is a give to Jacobs, who has a big hole for 7. So far, we've had three plays in this game, and they've all sucked. Third and three requires a stop, and they get it, as Samuel forces Ward out of bounds at the 28. It's 4th and 2, with a 45-yard field goal, so the Giants are going for it. Huge play early, and Jacobs gets the first down with relative ease. That sick feeling in my stomach isn't getting any better here.

From the 25, the Giants pick up the blitz again with ease, and Eli hits Darcy Johnson, the back up tight end, for a a soft 14 yards. Jacobs avoids the run blitz for a 2 yard gain, with Dawkins taking him down. Second and eight from the 9 and nothing looks good right now. Jacobs is stopped at the line by multiple defensive linemen, and that was a little more encouraging. Can they limit the damage to a short field goal attempt in heavy wind? Yes, as Stewart Bradley takes down Ward at the 4, before he can turn the corner and try to reach the pylon. John Carney from 22 yards is good into the wind, and with 9:59 left in the first, the Giants strike first. 3-0, home team, and five minutes of possession into the wind. Not encouraging on any level... other than getting the stop in the red zone, and the defense generally being better later in games. I'm grasping at straws here.

Tynes kick is taken by Demps at the 15; he runs through one tackle to set up the Eagles at the 34. Akers looks a little dinged from his tackle on Bradshaw, which is just what we needed to see, really. Commerce kicks in, and I'm too geeked to talk about these today. At least for now.

First offensive play has Don rolling right and hitting DJ for 10; nice play, and good to see him accurate early. BDub has no hole and no hope; a loss of 3. Not too surprising. From the gun, a screen to Buck loses another 3, and this drive is not long for the world. Third and sixteen is one of those plays where you run clock and set up the punter, and from the gun, Don tries but misses Curtis, who wasn't open. At least he had time. Giant Fan is in full Eagles Suck fury right now. And to think, we were happy for you people when you took out the Patriots.

Rocca on to punt after a 2 minute possession, and things aren't helped by a false start. From the 30, Rocca underhits it and Hixon has a good return through bad tackling, but flags are on the field. It's a clip backed up a personal foul, both against New York, and that makes the Giants start at their own 15. Useful, if the defense can get a stop.

Fox shows some Dawk Talk. From the 13, Eli rolls out and makes a huge mistake, overthrowing the ball to (who else?) Asante Samuel. He takes it to the 2, and Eli makes the tackle, as the defense fails to pancake him. That's about the only thing that happened on that play that didn't make me giddy. Damn it, where Chris Clemons to launch the quarterback on that play? Samuel's 7th career pick and that free agent contract is looking like a super bargain right now.

BDub for no gain to the left as the Eagles show why they are not a power team; they mark him back to the 4. From the gun, Don has time but no one open, and the flag is for defensive holding, which helps loads. First and goal from the two is a lot easier than third and goal from the 2.

BDub leaps and gets closer. 2nd and goal from the 1. It's short yardage hell right now, but Don sneaks it -- dangerously with an exposed ball -- and gets it in. Phew. Eagles 7, Giants 3, and the lead is all due to Eli and Samuel. Well, the road teams won with turnovers yesterday. With 5:58 left in the first, the road team has a lead and the home team has some cause for concern.

Akers kicks it 5 yard deep; Bradshaw takes it out anyway and gets to just about the 21 yard line. Buck and Aikman are sad that the Eagles are leading. Cry, Joe and Troy, cry! Ward's first carry is run blitzed; he gets it back to the line of scrimmage. Second down is a draw to Ward for two with post-whistle discussions; I believe that the Eagle defense is saying something along the lines of "All Day." Aikman lobbies for a penalty to no avail. On third and eight, Eli has time and an open Steve Smith (again); the d-line isn't getting good pressure right now, and any QB in the league can hit an open guy with a clear line.

Ward is tackled behind the line, and there's more chippiness post-whistle, as Akeem Jordan gets into it. Dangerous behavior, but I'm liking the run defense as Ward gets a yard to the left. The second third and long of the drive is third and nine. Um, Troy, wht team doesn't want to get to third and long? From the gun, Eli gets late pressure from a quasi-blitz, and while Toomer was open, he couldn't keep it in play. Jeff Feagles punts it inside the 20, and DJ's return goes nowhere. The flag doesn't help either, and the clip will start the Eagles on their own 10; Sean Considine with his second straight week with a weak flag call on a punt. With two minutes left in the half, the Eagles might want to take advantage of the wind while they have it.

From the 10, Dub loses one on a run; he has -4 on 4 carries so far. Not encouraging. From the gun, the pre-snap move is from the hated LJ Smith, leading to second and 15 from the 5. Eagles have 8 plays on offense, four for negative yards. Buck gets back 5 on his carry for the day. Third and 10 with a half minute left is from the gun, and Don can't connect with Avant on a play where the rush was almost in his arms. At least Rocca gets to punt with the wind, and he kind of sucks at that, as Bradshaw brings it back to the other side of midfield. Considine kills him there, and yet another clip helps matters. The Giants Start at the 35, and Jacobs picks up 11 to end the quarter. Not sure why they are getting away from him at any point in this game. Quarter ends with the Eagles leading 7 to 3, but with many hours of grind ahead.

Why do I do this to myself?

The Bad Tooth over at the Lemur today, questioning the close NYG-Philly line:

The most perplexing line of the playoffs. Because Philly shocked New York in a must-win Week 15 game that meant nothing to the Giants -- when they were dealing with the single biggest distraction of the season (Cheddar Plaxgate), no less -- that means Week 19 will be tight?

Well, two points.

1) It was Week 14. Which took me five seconds to check online.

2) The Giants were playing for the division and the #1 seed against a team they probably hate more than anyone in the NFL.

He then closes with, surprise!, a Rocky reference. Which was tired 15 years ago, dead 10 years ago, and just plain necrophilia now... and is done to especially inflame, since his pick is against the Philly team. Why not just go all the way with your wrestling heel self and just wipe your ass with a Dawkins jersey? And people wonder why Boston Fan is hated. (And yes, Boston Fan, he's *yours*. Own it.)

Seriously, Lemur, do you not make this guy use an editor because he cries too much, or because everyone keeps poking the Tooth for ad impressions regardless of content?

Eagles to the Super Bowl! Or a loss next week!

Posted by Tracer Bullet

Now that the greater Philadelphia area is celebrating a hard-fought win against the surprisingly game Minnesota Vikings, the Birds must do one of two things: Lose next week or win the Super Bowl.

Now, losing to the hated Giants would be a bitter pill to swallow and their hairy-backed, no-neck fans and their husbands would never shut up about it. But, the Giants are coming off a bye as the #1 seed in the NFC and teams win about two-thirds of the time coming off the bye in the playoffs, so this would be a tolerable loss. The WIP meatheads will still scream and demand that Reid and/or McNabb be drawn and quartered in Franklin Square, but they're going to do that anyway.

Losing to the Giants in that case would be painful but tolerable. Losing another NFC championship game, especially to a team named after a pissed-off housecat and whose fans would much rather talk about Talledaga than the Super Bowl would cause the meatheads to rage and sputter in a way they've not done since their last child support hearing. In that instance, some fool is SURE to argue that they should trade or cut (with hatchets) McNabb and sign Brett Favre (They love Favre. He's a gunslinger. And he's white). People, I live in this city and I'd be forced to shoot someone if that happened. The murder rate in this city is high enough (but down by 15%!) without me contributing to it.

And if they lost another Super Bowl? The resulting carnage will make New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina look like a city enjoying a soft summer rain shower. I'd rather not have to kill my way to the grocery store.

One might think that the Phillies winning the World Series would temper the city's championship bloodlust, but for football fans, that's like watching your best friend score with a model; you're happy that he's banging a hot chick but you still got dry balls.

A Super Bowl win? After beating the Giants on the road? After humiliating the Cowboys in the last game of the season? The resulting carnage will make New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina look like a city enjoying a soft summer rain shower. I'd love to have to kill my way to the grocery store.

Potpurri for Five

Yes, it's the return of the quick hitting thoughts based on nothing more than what's been floating around my head while I'm not really doing The Job, since I'm traveling. But here goes anyway.

1) Coach Has To Go: When you actively consider the bright side of any team's loss being that Coach might get canned from the loss.

So any Eagles Fan who is keeping Andy's Done in the back of their mind in the lead-up to tomorrow's Eagles-Cowboys game... yes, this is for you. Lions Fan who want to be sure that Coach Rod is on his face for failing to avoid Immortality, here it is. Cowboys Fan who dreams of Coach Wade taking the Switzer Bullet (um, it'd help if they had someone with a pulse, but really, your problem is your owner), same story.

And if you're really rooting for the loss, without any kind of fantasy football payoff or against the spread bet coinciding... well, let's just say that you're beyond the pale with Old Coach. You might start hoping he never existed, or something.

2) If you root for the team with the best record in the league and pule about the officiating in any game that isn't an elimination playoff experience, you are officially a Douchebag For Now And Ever, World Without End, Amen. (And yes, I'm talking about the Bad Tooth again, who couldn't take the Christmas present to a struggling nation that is his team losing. Though to be fair, I liked the follow-up loss to the Warriors -- the Warriors! -- more, just because the Lake Show's fans are also not far from Eternal Bag Status.)

3) With Randy Johnson's one-year deal to get his 300th win and then go away in San Francisco, can we officially designate the Giants as the Vienna of MLB? In that it's a pretty place to visit, history happened here, but it's otherwise irrelevant to, you know, actually important things happening?

Realistically, there are two uniform possibilities for The Unit to make his 300th look like anything but a stagger over the finish line: Seattle and Arizona. Given that he went 11-10 with a tolerable 3.91 ERA last year in the desert, and needs just five more wins to get the green jacket... seriously, Arizona, why couldn't you be the one to get this done? He's going to look silly doing this in SF. Well, OK, not as silly as Barry Zito continuing to work for the worst contract in MLB history, but close.

Oh, and SF? One year for $8 million here is a lot of cheddar in a bad economy for a guy who wont' really sell a lot of seats for you in his chase for the record. Why not, you know, buy a farm system that actually produces a tolerable position player instead?

4) Sammy Sosa says he's not ready to retire from MLB. Um, can someone tell these roid rock heads that if no one is giving you a job, your reluctance to retire doesn't much matter? I really don't want to have to write the same jokes again, and you don't want to read them...

5) A Houston hospital is changing its name from the Roger Clemens Institute for Sports Medicine to the Memorial Hermann Sports Medicine Institute.

In its statement, the hospital said the decision to take off Clemens' name was made "to better reflect its commitment to all sports and athletes" and that "the move reflects the desire to promote the broad range of sports medicine services and programs offered by Memorial Hermann."

In that shooting a cheating sack of crap who is well on his way to becoming the pitching equivalent of Pete Rose in terms of Hall of Fame estrangement in the ass with roids is, admittedly, a *very* narrow service...

SNF Thoughts: Giants-Cowboys

For anyone that thinks the NFC East is still the best division in football... um, no. Not hardly.

Cowboy Fan has clearly turned on Terrible, even with the win tonight. It's so sad, really. And not at all surprising. Why he didn't go all the way into Powderkeg Mode and ascribe the Romo-Witten Conspiracy to racism, I'll never know.

Is there anything more tiresome than post-whistle pushing and shoving? Perhaps, and just perhaps, the sagelike observation from the mouth jobbers that These Teams Just Don't Like Each Other. They don't even exchange Christmas cards!

If you are an optimist for either team, you are liking the way your defense is playing. Dallas put Eli Manning on the ground 8 times tonight, and also held the NY ground game in check. The Giants made Marion Barber look bad all night, and Tashard Choice wasn't much better until the icing touchdown late. Any time you hold a home team to 7 points for three quarters, you've more than done the job.

But realistically, these teams are much easier to scheme for than they used to be. I was wrong to dismiss Plaxico Burress' importance to the Giants; it's becoming abundantly clear that his value as a decoy was much greater than his value in the box score. Without Brandon Jacobs to take the first quarter hits, Derrick Ward looks a lot more ordinary, and teams are overloading the line to stop the run, since they don't really have to worry too much about the big play threat from Domenik Hixon. The need to have more protection in the passing game has cut into the Kevin Boss output, and it's also led to a much harder time for them to make easy yards out of the screen game. They are a much less imposing #1 seed than they used to be, and if you want to argue for Carolina as the best team in the NFC right now, I won't hold it against you. (I also wouldn't agree, but clearly, my hatred for the Panthers as the team that I can never handicap correctly has made me unhinged.) Scoring 10 points in two weeks will do that to a team.

As for the Cowboys... big win and all, but all they did tonight was stay alive. They still have to play an angry and very physical Ravens team next week at home, and unless Barber gets much healthier very quickly, they aren't going to be able to run the ball in that game, either. Week 17 in Philadelphia looms as well, and the way the Eagles have played in the last two weeks, that's another game that's far from easy.

Oh, and Cowboys Fan? If you were fooled by the happy talk conference on the sidelines with Romo, Witten and Owens, I got sad news for you. Terrible did the same nonsense when the Eagles won after controversy, with him and McNabb pantomiming all over the sidelines in a song and dance tat was only a soft-shoe away from being a minstrel show. And just after NBC showed that, the Cowboys gave up a brutal sack and safety that made the game a lot more interesting than it had to be. With Terrible, controversy is always just a bad play away, and that's why he's the worst teammate ever, at least among guys that haven't actually assaulted their teammates.

So to wrap it up... everyone's doomed, and all hail our NFC South overlords. Of course, counting the Giants out early hasn't been such a winning strategy in the past...

Eagles-Giants: I Am Not Alone In My Disbelief

Just to be clear on this.. I still want Andy Reid to resign. Because ever since I threw the Biggest Loser under the bus, the Eagles are 2-0 with utter domination performances against two teams that are going to the playoffs, and have played their best two games of the season (assuming that you don't count the Rams game, and you really shouldn't).

How crazy good were the Eagles today? The final score could have easily been 26-0, on the road. It was 20-14 only on the second blocked field goal for a touchdown this year and a garbage time touchdown. Thanks to that garbage time drive, Eli Manning was able to post 13 for 27 for 123 and a touchdown; before that drive, it was more like 7 for 20 and 60 yards, though to be fair, he got absolutely no help from his receivers today. Dominik Hixson made every Giants fan think that the Plaxico Problem is going to be serious with a dropped deep ball that could have been six. Steve Smith made a bad drop on a third down play. Amani Toomer didn't have a catch before garbage time.

And that wasn't all. Antonio Pierce looked like a man who was just a wee bit distracted by life on two different Brian Westbrook touchdowns. Derrick Ward put a ball on the ground. Ahmad Bradshaw didn't do much, either. The Eagles just punched the Giants in the mouth with a repeated and effective running game; they even gave the ball to their best player, the suddenly hale Westbrook, 39 times (33 caries for 131, 6 catches for 72). Good grief. It was like they were well-coached or something.

Seriously, the best play for the Giants today was when the Eagles lined up for a field goal; that got them their only points, along with a morale-inspiring block.

For the road team, with the exception of David Akers -- and even he connected from 50+ today to give them the first lead of the day -- no one looked bad. They even covered tight end Kevin Boss very well today. Seriously, I have no idea who these guys wearing the laundry are; they bear almost no resemblance to the team that showed up the first twelve weeks.

And suddenly, it doesn't look too impossible for the team to make the playoffs. The Saints took out the Falcons, and the Eagles have the head-to-head matchup win there. Dallas and Washington are both underdogs in their late games today. The TB-Carolina loser will fall a game closer. They could be, at the end of the weekend, in the 8 spot with a game against the Cowboys at home still to play; all they'd need from there is a little more help from the NFC South to take the sixth spot, which would get them a road game against... the same Cardinals team that they obliterated on Thanksgiving.

Nice time to walk away, Andy. Think it over.

ApoPlaxy

(I'm going to assume that if you are reading this blog, you've heard that Plaxico Burress shot himself by accident in a nightclub vestibule last night. If this is news to you, I know, amazing, isn't it? Positively Vickian.)

With the obvious felon and stupidity moment of one Plaxico Burress, there's the small but telling point... are the Giants better off without him, not just for the off the field stuff, but just from a talent standpoint?

Let's go to the numbers.

Without his nominal #1 weapon today, on the road for an important division game in Washington, Eli Manning... went 21 of 34 for 305 yards, the first time he had broke the 300-yard mark in a long, long time. The 'Skins stacked the line (the Giants ran it 31 times for 101 yards, which is as close to stopping them as anyone gets, really), so Eli just roasted them in the first half, finding the dessicated remains of Amani Toomer for 5-85-1, Domenik Hixson for 5 for 71, and Derrick Ward for 75 yards on screens and check downs.

If they really did miss a deep threat, there was no way of knowing it.

Burress is 31 years old, in his ninth season, and hasn't been healthy for well over a year. He's had all of 35 catches for 454 yards this year and 4 touchdowns. His 12.4 yards per catch is the lowest number in his career. He had one very good game this year, in the opener against Washington. Otherwise, he never get more than 5 balls, and usually just gets to three a game. The history of 31 year old wideouts who can't control their personal lives really isn't good; this is the kind of nonsense that you can get away with in your 20s (see Irving Fryar, Joey Galloway, or Terry Glenn). Making these kind of mistakes on the downside of your career is usually professionally fatal.

Here's the thing about your New York Giants; they have become a personnel machine. And they are better off right now, especially since they seem to be using the Plax Mess as just one more motivational tool, seeing what Mario Manningham, Sinorice Moss, Hixson and Steve Smith has to bring to the table, rather than a broken-down felon and head case.

This isn't like the Eagles when Terrible Owens went off the reservation, and they had no better ideas from the back-ups. Smith and Hixson may be better than Burress even before he went NRA on his leg, and certainly after. This may be a mild embarrassment now, but the simple fact of the matter is that the idiot just did his team a favor.

Like they needed it.

Follow Up File

Hey, remember Jerome McDougle, the one-time Eagles first round pick who was released before the end of training camp and picked up by the division rival Giants?

Philly Fan was absolutely, positively convinced for a few days there (especially in the netherworld of Grouse Radio) that Ol' Stiffie was going to turn his entire career for our hated rivals. With his impressive 2008 preseason and obvious physical gifts, he was going to be the second coming of Cris Carter, only on defense.

Anyway, you know how this ends, right?

Three active games, with one solo tackle, for the 29-year-old. He's been a healthy scratch for the Giants other games.

Leaving me with the final question... which seems stupider to you: our political discourse, or our sports talk?

NFL Roundup: How 'bout them Cowboys?

There's pleasant, there's fun, there's riotously enjoyable, and then there's the Cowboys getting absolutely dominated in a game they were supposed to win going away... and picking the game correctly to boot.

Oh, and Jerry Jones? Excellent use of the trade deadline, sir. Your acquisition of Roy Williams,, and the immediate long-term contract that you signed him to, in a week where he contributed nothing against a breathtakingly bad secondary... truly, sir, you have never occupied a warmer place in my heart.

The simple fact of the Cowboys right now is that there is no part of this team -- even the presumably dominant offensive line -- that can be counted on. Tony Romo was clearly making that group look better then they are (Brad Johnson was sacked five times today by the previously punchless Rams defense). Marion Barber got his 100 yards, but a lot of it was on one run. Felix Jones made that OL look better too -- and he's out for a few more games. The defense got killed on the ground. The secondary wasn't the huge issue here, but only because the Rams were content to play conservative and kill them with Stephen Jackson.

What's next? Well, let's face it... Jones just tried to fix a team with a bad back-up quarterback and secondary with another wideout. He even got him from Matt Millen's old team, to complete the transition. In post-game comments, Jones was blunt in his unhappiness.

He can't release players. And he just spent his Sunday watching a team that fired its coach on its bye week come back with two unexpected wins against presumably better clubs. Everyone also knows that Wade Phillips is on a Win Or Else leash after the past two playoff washouts. Finally, thanks to the Giants surviving the Niners today, they are two games back in the division, and in real trouble for making the playoffs.

Would Jones fire the coach? Will Romo come back next week at home against the Bucs, even if it's not a very good idea? Will Owens melt down? Is someone (Bill Cowher) getting a phone call with a Name Your Price offer?

Honestly, there's nothing these guys won't try or do. Which is, well, why today was such a gift from Heaven...

> As for the Rams... well, heck. They've won two in a row, and they play in a division with the Niners and and Seahawks. Start thinking playoffs, baby!

> Just when you thought the AFC was getting back to normal... the Colts go to Green Bay and played abysmal football, the Chargers get worked in Buffalo with LaDanian Tomlinson looking spent, Miami returning to seed at home against a presumably reeling Ravens team, the Raiders taking out the Jets in overtime... yeesh.

> So all hail your Titan Overlords, the Last Unbeaten Team, and the club that no one outside of Tennessee really and truly believes in. Maybe we should, given that they've got a dominant defense and some really good work going on in the running game -- they carried the ball 40 times for 332 yards today, albeit against the I-AA Chiefs. People call Kerry Collins a game manager, but he's more than that, given the strength of his arm and the fact that he's won some playoff games and gone to a Super Bowl.

But still, it's hard to shake the idea that some club is going to put together a good game and show all of the reasons why no one thought the Titans were going to go to the playoffs this year, let alone have a three-game lead in the division. Next week at home against the Colts should be Highly Interesting.

> By the box score, today's 29-17 Giants win over the Niners was by the book and easy; the only reason the Niners were even in the game was their second straight week with a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown. But having watched most of the game today, I saw something different.

Shh... you remember Old Eli, the guy who made bad reads and gave the other team a lot of chances to make interceptions? He's back....

The Giants won this game because the Niners are, make no mistake, a terrible team. The defense did the job on Frank Gore (11 carries for 11 yards), and they ran the ball 29 times for 126 yards and two touchdowns. But Manning was only 16 for 31 despite having all kinds of time and places to throw to, and this game was close until JT O'Sullivan made sure it wasn't. The NFC East is wide open, people.

> Continuing the Winless Dream at home today were your Cincinnati Bengals. How bad is this team? Cedric Benson qualified as the Bright Spot. They didn't sack Ben Roethlisberger, and everyone gets to sack him. They gave up 120 yards rushing to Mewelde Moore. Their fans are selling the tickets as fast as they can.

So, um... what does Marvin Lewis have to do to get fired?

> The wackiest game of the day might have been in Chicago, where the Bears rode their No Boring Outcome defense to a 48-41 win over the Vikings. This game might have single-handedly saved the year for a guy in my points league, who had Bernard Berrian (81 yards and a touch), Adrian Peterson (130 combined yards and 2 touchdowns), Greg Olsen (74 and a touch) and the Chicago defense (3 touchdowns, 2 sacks and 4 picks countered by 41 points allowed). Not exactly what anyone expected, really.

In between all of that was the continuing emergence of Kyle Orton, who tossed up another 283 yards, 2 touchdowns and no turnover game. If anyone has ever seen a previously terrible quarterback become reasonable this quickly... well, I can't remember it.

> If picking games in the NFC South were a fight, it would have been stopped by now on cuts. At least the Bucs were able to take out the awful, awful Seabags; it feels like the first right call that I've made in that division this year.

As for the Saints' um, effort in Carolina... well. at least their next game on the road is in London against the Chargers. So both teams can not show up for that one...

> The late game here in the Man Cave was the Raiders taking out the Jets in overtime, in a game that should have had Jets Fan tearing his hair out. On a day where they got 159 yards (!) from Thomas Jones, Brett Favre went back to terrible, with 2 back-breaking picks and bad accuracy (21 of 38). The Raiders took away the Jet wideouts (Laverneous Coles had 4 catches for 51 yards, while Jerricho Cotchery was made complete invisible with 1 catch for no yards by Nnamdi Asommugha).

But the really notable thing to me in this game was how the Raiders won it; it will tell you that they aren't going to win very often. With three minutes let in regulation, the home team went ahead on a 37-yard Sebastian Janikowski field goal. On the next drive, the Raiders defense allowed Favre to escape pressure for a miracle conversion, and failed to make the plays (i.e., dropping interceptions) that would have prevented a tying Jay Feely 52 yarder.

Oh, and they also did that irritating Ice The Kicker thing, on a Feely miss. Can someone please, for the love of football, stop this already?

In overtime, JeMarcus Russell finally made a play to Zach Miller (like all bad QBs, he over-relies on the tight end). Three downs from there, after some remarkably conservative playcalling given that they were only on the Jets 40, the Raiders send Janikowski out to make a 57 yarder. Miraculously, he does it for the win. Had he missed, you have to think the Jets would have been able to move the ball 15 to 20 yards for the win from there, but never mind. It's not like you keep the coaching job in Raider Land from your intellect.

Jets Fan, you just lost a game to a team with a special needs coach. Sure hope that you don't need this game later...

MNF Thoughts: Giants-Browns

Y'know, folks, there are weeks when it doesn't really matter what your won-loss record is against the spread, just so long as you get one very good win. For me, that was a spirited and long defense of how Peyton Manning is, well, a hell of a lot better than Eli Manning, first five weeks of the season be damned... and tonight, as Eli threw his third, fourth and fifth pick of the year, with the last one in the red zone after a long Giants drive, with a 14-point turnaround on the single play.

Oh, and extra credit to Eli for going for the strip on the pick runback, then whiffing entirely on Browns CB Eric Wright, who took it to the house.

From there, we were treated to a ton of high-def ESPN close ups of Sad Eli, and at that point I, like most of the other people watching sports, were off to the Phillies-Dodgers game. (Just in time to see Shane Victorino tie it up in the eighth, then Matt Stairs absolutely unload on the go-ahead homer. I've had worse times.)

And this, please and pray tell remember, is why Eli is not Peyton, even if this week is just the aberration that it, well, probably is. Eli's night ended with a misfire on a fourth and two in the red zone again. Heckuva night for the Browns defense.

Now, was Eli really the reason why the Giants lost for the first time in 2008? No, not really; the Giants defense got absolutely no push on pass rush, didn't control the running game, and basically made Derek Anderson look as comfortable as possible in his career resurrection night. Braylon Edwards kept breaking ankles of members of the Giants secondary, and when you win by three touchdowns, it's rare that you can put the blame on just one guy.

BUt well, such is the nature of New York, and such is the nature of being a good but not great QB that many people have talked themselves into great. Eli is just going to throw a mess of picks every year. He can do some things, and no one assails the leadership skills anymore. But you take the good with the bad, and the bad is some back-breaking interceptions. More curious will be how much grief he gets over it, especially since the G-Men could have more or less wrapped up the division tonight.

He's no Peyton. And Gregg Easterbrook eats paste. But we all knew that, right?

Epic Drop: Top 10 reasons to have hope

So here's today's list. Now, let me get back to the horror that is age.

When I was 10 years old, the Phillies won the World Series; I was 14 when the Sixers broke through and took out the Sixers. A year or two after that, the USFL Stars won (I was a big fan), and I even went downtown for the parade. I felt, in no way, like any kind of Sports Victim. Sure, the Eagles didn't break through, and I still have scars of every playoff loss ever. But what the hell, that's what sports *are*, and it's not like we were Cleveland or Boston or any one of a million other sports cities that didn't get to see Hall of Fame players for every franchise. You could have grown up in Kansas City, for heaven's sake.

Now, imagine you are a 10 to 12 year old fan of the Cowboys. You're too young to remember the Aikman-Irvin-Smith years. Your Mavericks ripped your hearts out in the Finals, and now they're a bad joke with big names and an increasingly unhinged owner. Your baseball team is terrible, and has been throughout your consciousness. And your football team keeps signing head cases, and just lost its franchise quarterback for a month. You're a sports victim, right? And yet, there's no way you feel that way, since the history is anything but Victim Status.

The point is this. When you are young, you don't fear losses. You just celebrate them. You don't know that Lucy will always pull away the football, that the other city is always going to be taking the champagne bath at the end of the festivities.

I have friends that have already written off this year's Eagles team, despite the fact that we're barely past the one-third pole. They only watch game replays if the team wins; they spend the live telecasts either listening on the radio or reading updates online, because, dammit, their hearts just can't take it.

They are most likely "right"; the Eagles are, after all, 3-3 and maddeningly inconsistent in just about every facet of the game. But I wouldn't be that way for anything; if I were, I'd give up sports and blogging in a heartbeat. It strikes me as a pale imitation for living, a life ruled by fear, a perversion on every level.

So, um, folks? Lighten up. Be better than your fears. Have hope. It's just more fun.

NFL Wrap Up, Week 1

Great googly moogly, has there ever been a greater shift of power in the first week of the season? Let's review everything we no longer know about the league.

(I'm also going to ignore the MNF games for now, and hopefully later, in that the Raiders will be involved. Let's just move on.)

> After the Brady injury, the Patriots are no longer the favorite to win the AFC East, let alone the Super Bowl.

Will they miss the playoffs without Dreamboat Brady? They shouldn't; they still have great wideouts, a reasonable line, some good running backs, an above average defensive line, good special teams, a ruthless coaching staff and, most importantly, a kitten-soft schedule. Matt Cassel can win games against bad teams. More than that, not so much.

> The teams that everyone thought were the challengers to the Patriots' throne -- the Colts, Chargers and Jaguars -- all lost, and mostly looked terrible in the process.

The Chargers gagged up a home game against a Panthers team that most people thought was a .500 club, and didn't even have the terminally stupid Steve Smith. Don't be fooled by the last-second play; the Panthers were the better team today, especially in the first half.

The Colts were simply punched in the mouth repeatedly by the Chicago Bears, and looked like the old-time finesse team that could be run on with impunity. There was also a huge mistake from Marvin Harrison opening the floodgates to a shocking loss, and Peyton Manning looked rusty and immobile.

The Jaguars lost to a Titans team that got more yards out of the running back than the quarterback, with mistake-free David Garrard turning it over three times. The division is too tough to lose manageable games, especially if you're entertaining dreams of a Super Bowl run.

Add it up, and if you're a Steelers fan, you're probably dancing in the streets right now. It's all breaking your way.

> The Browns look to be a 6 win team. At best. It's no shame to lose to a team with as much talent as the Cowboys, but when you were never really in it for your home opener, that's a whole 'nother kettle of suck. They can't defend the pass and got brutalized in the pits, and some good skill players on offense aren't going to paper over that.

> The best division in football is now the NFC East. You've got the defending champion, doing exactly what they've done during the stretch run last year. The Cowboys gave Tony Romo so much time against the Browns, he looked bored. The Eagles took out the Rams in the easiest opening game victory in the history of the franchise, in a game that's probably going to annoy the coaching staff, in that if will leave them very little to work to improve. Only the Skins look bad, and yes, they are very bad.

> I'd say something about the Jets, but the rest of the world will do that to death. Let's just leave it at the idea that my frequent picks of Jericho Cotchery (2 leagues) and Thomas Jones (2 leagues) don't look so bad today.

> Oh, and let's just call a spade a spade here... if Brady really is done for the year, his decision to walk off the field rather than take the cart, is not a moment of bravery or honor or courage. It's a defiantly selfish act from a player who cared more for his reputation than his team... because if the knee really is done, his responsibility is to get well. Period. Not stalk off the field through the pain and be muy macho.

Going Out On Bottom

Something is troubling me, folks, in regards to the recent rash of Favre and Strahan and Clemens (i.e., the end of career issue player), and that is this: at what point did Going Out On Top become the be-all and end-all of every well-publicized athletic career?

Being a nerd from way back, the first that I remember reading about this was the legendary Browns of Otto Graham's era, the ones from the first great threat to the NFL in terms of a rival league. Graham was the best quarterback of his era, and he retired at the end of a great run of Browns championships. (You see, there is value in pre-Lombardi NFL history: by knowing it, you can write phrases like "great run of Browns championships" without flinching or giggling.) Ever since, we get this from any number of quasi-important players.

As an Eagles fan, I dream of a championship. If it should happen this year, should Brian Dawkins retire? Well, of course; he's close to the end anyway, and last year was borderline ugly at times, with him really not performing to his level. Fine, then, B-Dawk gets to go out on top. How about Donovan McNabb? Well, no... in that if there is an Eagles championship, you'd have to think that he was a main cause of it, and you'd like to see the team be as good the next year. Or Brian Westbrook? He'd be 30 then, and wouldn't it be better if he could... You see the point. At some level, going out on top just means a much nastier word, a word that no one wants to embrace. Quitting.

Consider your own career for a second, in relation to the anointed. Are you going to be able to retire on top? My guess is, well, no. You'll retire somewhere in the great uncharted middle that is most cubicle life, assuming that the whole endeavour isn't farmed out to Bangladesh, and it will be. After that, you'll consult and cobble until you can manage something else. That's because for us, our career is very closely tuned to our lives, unlike professional athletes.

Everyone is, on some level, what they do and what they think. Pro athlete is attractive as a career profession and as a role model, because (for the most part) what they think is positive; if you don't think you are going to succeed and win, you aren't going to make it to the top level, even as a loser.

This is also why it smacks of artifice (at best) when an athlete picks their time to go, rather than just, you know, do the work and let someone else make that determination. No one else in our society makes their own determination to quit: the most celebrated entertainers never bail out despite innumerable threats, and it's rare that you see a celebrated CEO leave on anything but his shield. Media moguls like Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone cling to the jobs until they are no more; so do, for the most part, Supreme Court justices.

There's really only two classes of people that try to game the system and be above every other monkey with a tax bill to pay... athletes and lottery winners.

And this is yet another reason why it's OK to hate on both.

(Ed. Note: Strahan, probably in the absence of what he'd consider to be meaningful cash, decides to stay in a Grecian beach and/or the Fox television studios in LA. Hey, maybe the Giants can coax Tiki Barber back to rush the passer instead...)

Levarage Gap

So the Lemur is all a twitter about the possible return of Michael Strahan to the Giants with the loss of Osi Umenyiora. I'm not going to weigh in on the inevitable will he or won't he or should he or shouldn't he; that's what the Lemur does, after all, and I'd hate to step on the toes of longtime athletes in mid-bray.

But I will note this... only in New York, and for this situation, does this story get such obvious play. The Giants say they are just going to move Mathias Kiwanuka back to the down position, away from linebacking duties, and start something called Gerris Wilkinson in the newly available linebacking slot. If they are really going to back up the bank truck and pay Strahan the money they weren't willing to pay him last year, they've got a funny way of showing it.

As an Eagles fan, I'm all for Strahan continuing to be retired, in that the Giants with fewer pass rushers are a lot more fun to deal with. But it's also hard to imagine that a man who had checked out can come back and still provide the same performance.

There's also this: Umenyiora was a beast last year, but he was also an overrated one, thanks to his career day against Winston "Turnstile" Justice in the win over the Eagles on MNF. Take away that night, and Umenyiora is just another good pass rusher, rather than an utterly dominant one... and even if he and Strahan had both returned, they weren't likely to do so at the same level.

Combine this with the loss of Gibril Wilson to the Riaders (OK, admittely for a comically overinflated contract, as is The Raider Way), and you've got a lot going wrong for the defending champions before the season has even started.

There is one saving grace, however. The Giants have a cupcake schedule (Skins at home, Rams on the road, Bengals at home, then the fourth week bye) for the first month, when Strahan is presumably losing his Greecian beach flab, or when they're still teaching Wilkinson how to play the position. If you're going to have injuries, better early than late.

(Oh, and there is also the nice idea of Strahan coming back, eating their salary, providing no value, and staying off my television. A man can dream.)

When Being A Sports Blogger Gets Ugly

Today's story is about Giants coach Tom Coughlin being the subject of an FBI investigation about being blackmailed by a former co-worker over a sexual relationship.

Now, normally, I'd be all over this kind of thing, since it gives me the opportunity to make fun of the Giants, and imagine what kind of hijinks would happen for Coughlin. But as much fun as it is to imagine the Yosemite Sam-esque sexcaspades... no, I just can't do it. (Or, well, won't. I'd like to eat again in this lifetime.)