Lakers-Rockets Game Seven: Goliath Chooses To Show Up

Today in Los Angeles, the Lakers played defense and went up 17-4 in the early going, and that was really all that there was to this one. It was 51-31 at the half and the team traded baskets in the second half, giving the Lake Show a 4-3 series win with an 89-70 win.

The Lakers got a very big game from Pau Gasol (21-18-1, with 3 blocks on 10-of-19 shooting), who finally figured that he should crush Chuck Hayes. They also finally got a decent game out of Andrew Bynum, who was 6-of-7 in 22 minutes with 14-6-0 and 2 blocks. Despite Kobe Bryant being mostly contained by the Battier/Artest combo (4 of 12 from the field, 14-7-5 with 3 steals and 2 blocks), this one was never in doubt, mostly because the defense held the Rockets to 37% from the floor.

For Houston, just simply getting to Game 7 without Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming and Dikembe Mutumbo has to be something of a moral victory, but the simple fact is that this Lakers team is heart-free, so it can't feel that great to lose to them. If they ever get health from their top people -- well, I don't think they ever will -- they might get further than Final 8 status, and their management has managed to find some useful pieces from non-traditional places. I'm having a hard time imagining how McGrady is a part of this team after this year's career suicide, but maybe they can ship him out for a useful piece.

What they really need is for Aaron Brooks and/or Kyle Lowry to develop into a top-flight point guard tandem, rather than simply some guys who can make awful point guards (Derek Fisher, Jordan Farmer, Steve Blake, etc.) look bad. It would also be nice if they could get Testy to actually rebound the ball (5.1 per 34.8 minutes this year, which is just criminally light for a 6'-7" 260 guy who mostly plays the 3) and stop shooting threes (40% this year, 34% for his career), but I can't see how Testy is going to change his spots at age 30, in his 10th season.

Getting back to the Lake Show, they now get a Denver team that they've owned in recent years, with home court advantage. The Nugs are rested, have some very good defensive bigs (Nene, Kenyon Martin and Birdman Anderson) that could give Gasol and Lamar Odom some real trouble, and a potential closer in Carmelo Anthony. The Nugs are also playing with house money, since no one thinks they can make it to the Finals outside of Colorado. But they also aren't likely to hurt the Lakers as much at point guard, since Chauncey Billups isn't the kind of quicksilver killer that destroys Fisher at this point in his career, and they've never been able to stop Kobe Bryant... especially a Kobe Bryant that is going to truly enjoy the absence of Battier/Artest.

Rockets-Lakers Game Six: Never Underestimate The Heart Of A Non-Champion

Tonight in Houston, the Lakers slept through the first half and trailed by 16. In the third quarter, with Phil Jackson's footprint in their collective ass, they came out and played defense, and more or less effortlessly cut the lead to 2 with a 16-2 run. Houston had that deer in the headlights, we can't actually score against these guys look that a spent team gets, and I started to write the "Lakers turned the switch on" lede to set up the Lakers-Nuggers preview.

And then the Rockets, well, just kept playing. Luis Scola refused to quit. Aaron Brooks continued to show how he's a sneaky great roto pick for next year (shh!), especially on an Iverson-esque drive where he more or less treated Pau Gasol like a Kleenex. Chuck Hayes made a few defensive plays. And the Rockets shook off the punch and built the lead back up to 9 by the end of the quarter, with their own 20-13 run.

Win or lose, that five minutes showed why this Rockets team demands your respect. No Final 8 team this year, or in recent memory, has gotten more from less against such superior talent. No Final 8 team has fought harder after losing their offensive leader, going against one of the best players in the world, against a coach that has more championships than anyone alive. Players like Brooks, Carl Landry, Von Wafer, Kyle Lowry, Hayes... anyone could have had them, really. They were not very high picks, or well-regarded on talent or attitude. Only the Rockets got them, coached them, got them to work as a unit and won 7 playoff games (so far) with them. If you're a Rocket Fan, you could not ask for more; if you are an NBA fan, you owe them a debt of gratitude for giving you much more compelling action than, say, the immensely more talented Hawks did.

In the fourth, Testy hit an ill-advised three with 7:30 left to make it a 10 point game. That's his third make against 15 misses from distance in the recent games, which means it was just a terrible idea, except, of course, when it works. (It also cost them later, in that Testy kept going back to the fool's gold well, but that's Testy for you.) A Gasol make was followed by a thunderous Hayes dunk to keep the game at 10. Bryant returned and tried to take over, but missed. Brooks then sliced the Lakers defense like old-school Steve Nash, getting Landry to the line, where he made one of two to push the lead to 11. The Lakers had a terrible possession end with an Odom make. Brooks misses, but Hayes boards, and the Rockets wisely ran clock. It ended with a Testy 3 miss, and the Rockets getting a break from a kick ball call that wasn't made. With 4:56 left, the lead is 9, and the Rockets had a better than even money chance at forcing a Game 7.

Why don't I like this Lakers team? Because their coach has to say things like, "When they score, don't whine, don't roll your eyes, just walk it off" when five minutes left in an elimination game. Does he also give them orange slices and Sunny D?

The teams traded baskets after the timeout, and Testy missed another bad 3, but Landry is all about the floor burn and called a timeout on the ground. Brooks with a make out of the timeout. Bryant's 3 is way off, and he's crying for the foul against the best defense imaginable from Battier. Brooks makes another, just channeling his AI 2000 right now. Landry with a huge block on Odom and the lead is still 13, now with 3 minutes left. Landry gets to the line at the end of a ragged clock kill possession, and that's Odom's fifth foul. Landry makes one, and the lead is 14; we're about 60 seconds away from the starters getting pulled and everyone talking about Sunday.

Kobe with a make to prolong the drama. Brooks runs clock, then gets Odom's sixth on a drive to the basket. The Lemur tells us that the Rockets have no fourth quarter turnovers -- and that's really an important point. When they don't turn it over, they play this Lakers team even. When they do, they get run out of the gym. Something to keep in mind for Game 7, and after two Brooks makes, that's where we are heading. Bryant with the missed three, and he's in I Have No Teammates mode. The Rockets turn it over, and Bryant drives and gets to the lane: 110 seconds left after one make, 13 point lead. A Lowry miss at the end of the clock, and the microcosm of the game: Landry ripping the board away from Gasol, because he just cares more than the Laker big. Telling, folks, telling. More clock burn ends with Brooks making two more free throws, and it's 15, and I'm going to stop with the micro-blogging at this point. The Rockets win in a game that the Lakers never lead, and your final is Houston 95, Los Angeles 80.

In the post-game interview, Brooks was asked about the team's lack of respect, and how they could possibly win Game 7 in LA. He smiles and replies, "We still have no chance." How do you not love him, really?

Now, what will happen in Game 7? Unless Brooks brings it for 30 points or more, a Lakers win; unless the Rockets shoot well and don't turn it over, it won't be close. But does this mean that the Lakers are vulnerable for the increasingly rested Nuggets?

Hmm, I say.

Hmmmm...

Lakers-Rockets Game Five: Bedtime

Going into tonight's Game Five in Los Angeles, there existed the faintest hope that maybe, just maybe, Team Rocket could continue to make the Lake Show sweat, especially after their shocking Game Four win. With Yao Ming on the bench, the theory went that the team was better on defense, Aaron Brooks had more room to penetrate, and the tag-team of Shane Battier and Ron Artest were wearing Kobe Bryant down.

Um, not so much.

The simple fact is that when the Lake Show wants to play, they've simply got another gear that Team Rocket does not. Despite a quick start by the visitors that led to a 7-point lead in the first quarter, the Lake Show began to force turnovers and get good minutes from Andrew Bynum. Suddenly, the Lake Show just looked much longer, with tons of easier looks, and the Rockets need to hit a ton of threes just to stay close. They didn't and it wasn't: at the end of the third quarter, it was 94-54. No, that score wasn't listed in error. I posted this puppy well in advance of the final score.

How dull was it? Laker Fan was bored enough to do the wave -- the wave? So much for LA being all superior to Flyover Land Fan -- for 100 point tacos. TNT had Craig Sager interviewing Kyra Segdwick and Kevin Bacon, and I found it more interesting than the game. (Bacon seemed chemically altered, and I have to give it up for Sedgwick -- it takes something to get your own show as a post-op tranny. What do you mean it isn't?)

The Rockets took their medicine without ugliness, and who knows, maybe they've lulled the home team to sleep again for Game Six. But with Denver looking like they could close things up early, and Kobe Bryant barely having to work for this one, a road close seems much more likely. It will be closer than this one, at any rate.

Lakers-Rockets Game Four: Phil Jackson Is Letting Them Play (Badly)

Today in Houston, with neither of their top (and vastly overrated) stars, the Rockets jumped to a big early lead on the visiting Lake Show and refused to let up, tying their best of seven series at 2-2. Give credit to the home team for big effort and great ball movement, along with terrific on the ball defense. No one wants to say this out loud, but the Rockets are just better on defense without their big man, because while he's good at weakside help and rebounding, you can more or less kill him down low. But that's for another day.

Rather, it's time to give it up for the home team in refusing to just accept their role as tragically undermanned. With Aaron Brooks and Shane Battier leading the way, they more or less controlled this one for all 48 minutes.

How bad was it? I wrote the lede 90 minutes before the game ended. I had no fear of the Lakers coming back and making my work irrelevant. I polished it as the Lakers went on a 13-2 run to start the fourth, because that run made it an 18-point game. And that faith was rewarded, even though the Lakers did make the final score a lot closer than the game.

Not to overreact to a single loss, but today was one of those moments where you have to wonder why, exactly, Phil Jackson is universally regarded as a genius. If you want to chastise the Lakers for not showing up for this game, how about their coach? It was 17-4 in the first quarter with Philip sitting on his ass, refusing to call a timeout or make a substitution. Shane Battier rained down three pointers, Chuck Hayes was never exposed on offense, the Lake Show couldn't keep a handle on the ball... and the ABC/Lemur team gave Phil the mouth job for letting his team play through it.

Um, well, OK... but at some point, does anyone want to note how he never wins unless he's got the best player on the planet? The Lakers are still going to win this series, because they've got home court, Team Rocket's role players won't show on the road, and Testy will eventually take the bait of Kobe Bryant putting him on the express train to Crazytown.

But very good teams don't play extra games in the playoffs, because people get hurt: halfway through the third quarter, Lamar Odom went down in a heap on a charge, on one of those scary to watch plays that could make him less effective in the coming weeks, and he didn't return to the game with back spasms. They also don't have their coach more or leas telling their players to just take their lumps, as Jackson did to Odom late in the third. And finally, they actually have some semblance of planning on their rotation. Right now, the Lakers rotate three not very good point guards, keep giving minutes to a helpless Andrew Bynum, and have no idea who will show up on a game to game basis after Bryant and Gasol.

Today's Confetti Bucket Moment came from an inbounds play to end the third quarter. Testy threw the ball from 60 feet, finding Brooks at the rim. Brooks caught the ball up high, then made the short one... and if you are wondering just how in hell the Lakers allowed a six foot guard to catch a 60-foot pass with a second left in the quarter, well, you haven't watched enough Laker basketball. There's a reason why the team with the best offensive bigs and Kobe Bryant doesn't win championships, and the answer is heart. They just don't have one.

Also this aside: the halftime showed clips from Spike Lee's mouth job on Kobe Bryant. Let's just say that between this and Stuart Scott's continuing pimping of Vitamin Water -- seriously, can he just wear their swag now and get over it -- let's just say the Association and the Lemur have had better moments. They do realize that many Association fans actually hate the Black Mamba, don't they?

Finally, there's this: so long as Battier wants to outplay Bryant, sweat all over the sideline reporter and basically be the best player on the floor, I'm willing to forget that he went to Duke. Dude is on the verge of becoming lovable, really.

LA With The A Game

Tonight in Houston, we saw why the world thought the Lakers were a lock for the Finals, as they simply brought a higher level of game than the Rockets could match.

The game was intense but not chippy, well-officiated, and everything you could hope for, except drama. The single biggest difference was that while the Lake Show went 8 of 35 from the arc in the first two games, they were 11 of 20 tonight. They led by double digits most of the way. For Fisticuffs Lovers, there was a questionable moment with 9:13 left when Von Wafer edged into a parachuting Sasha Vujacic, but honestly, the biggest problem from the play was hearing Jeff van Gundy pule about the state of the world today. You also had a late Testy ejection on a really borderline flagrant foul call against Pau Gasol, which more or less proved that the refs have one standard for Testy, and one for the rest of the NBA world. Not a great thing for Houston, that.

The signature play happened at the end of the third quarter, off an inbounds play with 3.5 seconds left. LA ran the old straight line pick play for Bryant to catch and shoot, the way the Bulls used to run for Jordan. Artest defended it perfectly, using his gym muscles to face the basket and force Bryant to make the catch near the sideline, 35 feet away from the hoop. Bryant went sideways to line it up from straightaway with Testy all over him, then rose up and drained it from just outside the tip-off circle. Just sick, really, the kind of play that only he and LeBron James can be expected to make in the Association this year. The shot capped a 24-14 quarter for the Lake Show, and gave them a 12-point lead. (And with 7 minutes left, Bryant had another ridiculous make when Shane Battier blocked it clean, and he just made a falling backwards runner while just trying to draw a foul. Shane Battier made him work, but he still had 33-6-3.)

For Houston, Testy missed with volume misser (10 of 23, 2 of 8 from distance, most of the misses early to build the hole), Yao Ming limped at the close and didn't overwhelm with his 19 and 14, and they just didn't get a very good game from anyone. I suspect they'll take another Game in this series, because I don't see the Lakers being disciplined enough to win again on the road in Game 4. But if Ming is hobbled again in Game 4, all bets are off... and he really didn't look all that good at the end of this one.

The Lakers and Rockets Are Starting To Dislike Each Other

Tonight in Los Angeles, order was restored. Kobe Bryant came out like a house on fire, and after the first quarter, it was all Lakers, 39-25, and we looked well on our way to the home team shaking off all rust and exerting their will.

And then the second quarter started, and the Rockets showed how things were going to be very different.

With a 16-point turnaround engineered by Ron Artest and the bench, the visitors shook off the first quarter blitz and foul trouble on Yao Ming to take a lead. More importantly, they showed the Lakers bench to be a weakness, especially when it came to converting from distance with a hand in their face. The game turned around so much, Testy was chatting up Jack Nicholson and Coach Philip was actually involved. I'm not a Laker Fan or a Rocket Fan, but hearing the dead LA crowd and seeing Coach Philip upset is, I confess, starting to sway me towards the road team. And I'm starting to suspect that TNT feels the same way, in that they were giving love to Testy's barber. (No, seriously.) It was tied at the half at 57.

In the third, the Lakers put Ming back on the banch with his fourth, Bryant got it going again, and the Lakers were able to push it back to a double-digit lead behind Lamar Odom controlling the boards. Then it got stupid chippy, with Derek Fisher clocking Luis Scola in the face a play after Scola and Luke Walton had beef, and honestly, Fisher would have gotten five minutes and an ejection in the NHL, let alone in a game where the players don't wear pads. It was so bad, even the refs got the call right with an ejection. See it for yourself here.



And that, more than anything else, tells you all that you need to know about this series. The Lakers don't go to this level of dirt unless they are feeling well and truly threatened, and with bench guys like Carl Landry (21 points and 10 boards on 7 of 9 shooting, in just 23 minutes) giving the road team big benefit, you can see how comfortable the road team feels in this matchup. So long as the Lake Show is getting next to nothing from Sasha Vujacic, and the Rockets are getting hyper-effective play from Testy (tonight he was 8 of 14 for 25 points), they are going to be a very, very tough out...

But only if they don't implode from their own damn selves. Reserve Von Wafer got tossed for arguing with coach Rick Adelman, and when you say things that Ron Artest's coach can't abide, you must be kind of special. Then, Testy got tossed his own damn self with 6:57 left, after Artest got called for a foul after Bryant got away with an elbow to the throat. After getting no satisfaction from the refs, Testy got into it with Bryant, and with the refs on amber alert after the Fisher ejection, a quick-trigger toss of the most infamous player in the NBA wasn't all that surprising.

It also was pretty terrible, flow-free basketball, which is just what happens when the refs get scared these days. When actual basketball happened in the fourth, the Lakers were able to get enough on the break, especially form Houston turnovers, to finish out the win. That's how Lakers will win this series; with Team Rocket turnovers, because every Houston offensive option is prone to do bad things under good on-the-ball pressure, and the Rockets aren't explosive enough on offense to overcome late deficits.

But great pressure and third quarter leads are not the kind of thing that an erratic and thin defensive team does on the road, and that more than adequately describes this Lakers team now. The Rockets have home court advantage now, and if the refs ever let the teams play again, this one's going long, nasty, and good. Especially if Bryant loses his temper with the refs, the Rockets, or his teammates. There's all kinds of ticking time bombs in this series, on both sides.

205 Drop: Top 10 ways the NBA will try to spice up the rest of the NBA playoffs

Just in time for the Blowout Round of the NBA playoffs (you'll forgive me, dear readers, for catching up on my sleep and day job, rather than watch the Cavs roll the Hawks or the Nuggets roll the Mavs last night, in all likelihood ending both of those series), it's a fresh list of snark for your perusing enjoyment. Sharp-eyed readers will note the 28th attempt to push the meme of Cheerleader Catfighting, which puts that meme somewhere in the realm of running site gag and uncomfortable personal admission.

And since the list was written before the Rockets upset the Lakers in Game One (I know, I know, it's shocking how these things are written in advance, isn't it?), there's always the chance of Rocket Fan getting all bent out of shape, which is always fun. Of course, this assumes the existence of Rocket Fan, or that he can pry himself away from the gun range and secessionist Web sites to put thumbs to keyboard. (Bonus round for people who enjoy reading angry comments: see how many of them assume that I'm a Laker Fan.)

Yao Doesn't Need Paul Pierce's Magic Wheelchair

Tonight in Los Angeles, with his team leading in the fourth quarter in Game 1 of a series that no one really gave them much of a chance to win, Yao Ming banged knees with Kobe Bryant and went down in agony. Pau Gasol converted a slam dunk to make it a six point game with just under five minutes left, and Team Rocket's medics quickly hobbled the big man off to the locker room. The Lake Show looked like it would escape with a rusty win on a night where Kobe Bryant wasn't getting to the line or hitting enough shots, and was fighting off illness.

And then Ming, a guy who's career has been defined by injury, waved off the trainers and came back. He also did more than just return, scoring eight points in crunch time and ensuring the road team win the start of a suddenly interesting second round series. And it's not like the Lakers are going to be able to just work the refs for next game (they were just 12 of 19 from the line, compared to Houston's 25 of 29), since they were the ones causing a huge cut on Shane Battier's face on a Trevor Ariza no-call, and they also just didn't seem all that interested in going to the rack against people like Ming, Battier and Ron Artest.

To be sure, the Lakes played their worst game of the playoffs, but that's what happens when the Rockets win; they make you look terrible with Battier's brand of effective hoop on the small points. They also exploited the Lakers' Achilles heel at point guard, with Aaron Brooks and Kyle Lowry outscoring Derek Fisher and Jordan Farmar 25 to 11, and fought the bench to a draw (16 to 18), which basically means that Lamar Odom didn't do much. Andrew Bynum had some moments tonight, but he still seems like a fifth wheel to me, and more than a little lost on defense.

I still think the Lakers will win this series, but tonight's game was the perfect starter for the Rockets... in that they not only got the win, but they also had the Lakers standing around watching Bryant (31 shots for him, 57 for the rest of the team), which sows the seeds of distrust for later. The Lakers lose when the big men aren't involved as passers, and that can't happen when Kobe is doing his Atlas Shoots routine. The playoffs just got more interesting.

Second Round NBA Playoff Predictions

Next round NBA playoff predictions (and in the picking contest, I'm up 75-50 on the Truth, with both of us going 1-3 in the West in the first round...):

Cleveland vs. Atlanta: Cavs in five. This was going to be Cavs in six originally, but when you add in the fatigue factor, along with how banged up both of these teams have become, it just got easier for the LeBrons. Like they needed the help. The Truth Picks Cleveland in four.

Boston vs. Orlando: Celtics in seven. What, you think the Drama Boys aren't going to go the distance again? Just like in the first round, the visitors have more talent, and will win one of the first two games on the road. They also won't finish, mostly because Dwight Howard is turnover and foul-prone, and the Magic don't shoot free throws well enough, either. Prepare for another 2 weeks of the Bad Tooth obsessing over his team. Don't worry, it won't go any farther than this. The Truth Picks Boston in seven.

Los Angeles vs. Houston: Lakers in six. If this was baseball, I'd like the Rockets; when it comes to putting together a roster with spare parts, glue and a sabermetric eye for talent, they can't be beat. This isn't baseball, the Rockets don't have a point guard that can exploit the Lakers, and Pau Gasol will be much better than Yao Ming. Also, eventually, Kobe Bryant will overcome Ron Artest and Shane Battier. Expect the close on the road to get more than a little ugly; I have high hopes for the end of Good Testy's year. The Truth picks LA in five.

Denver vs. Dallas: Denver in seven. The Nuggets were 4-0 against the Mavs this year, for two simple reasons: Carmelo Anthony is better than Josh Howard, and Kenyon Martin is the prototype defender to drive Dirk Nowitzki to distraction. I also think that Chauncey Billups is going to eventually own Jason Kidd, but that it will take a while, and that the Nugs will show us the knucklehead ways that will doom them to a fast exist in the next round. The Truth picks Dallas in six.

This Just In: Ron Artest Is Still Batshit Loco

H/t, Deadspin. I really like how he can't stop moving, and how he makes Craig Sager do the weave with him. Nice work by TNT to go to the B-roll footage as soon as possible.

Oh, and Testy? In re your Chuck Barkley Was Overrated take... the Chuckster actually got rebounds with his muscles, rather than preened with them. He also won a ton more playoff series than you have, and didn't eventually destroy every franchise he played for. Does God love me enough for Kobe and Testy to fight each other in their upcoming series? Probably not, but it's high time the West got as entertaining as the East with a series.

Ron Artest Is Now Better Than Tracy McGrady

Closing out the Association's business in the ho-hum West were the Rockets at home against Portland, in a game that wasn't very close or interesting. At least now we can stop hearing about how wonderfully athletic Portland is, because that's almost always your shorthand for Can't Shoot, Pass, Or Understand Team Defense. On the plus side, hopefully this makes Paul Allen cry, because that's just a good thing all over.

The Blazers are said to have been killed by the lack of a third scoring option beyond Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge; they need a real point guard immediately, and it would also help if Greg Oden didn't stink so bad. I'm not feeling the rise of Blazer Nation after seeing too much of them recently; I get that the Rockets make people look bad when they beat them, but that's also what happens in the playoffs from all kinds of teams. For a team with all kinds of young talent, I think they have to blow up this team; I just don't see how this group is ever going to go deep in the playoffs.

The Rockets survive and advance for what should be a fun but brief series against the Lake Show. Houston does have more and better bodies, in Shane Battier and Ron Artest, to throw at Kobe Bryant. But they also have a huge problem in stopping Pau Gasol, no big that can score against the spidery weird arms length of Lamar Odom, and not enough at the point to truly punish the Lakers for their Derek Fisher / Jordan Farmer rotation. There's a reason why the Lakers were 4-0 against the Rockets in the regular season.

Rockets-Blazers Game Four Is Yet Another Great Game

Three playoff games in one day decided by three points or less: first time that's happened since 1985. There's a reason why I watch so much hoop, folks -- and it's a simple one. It's really, really good this year.

Take this Western Conference series, for one. Despite coming on at unfortunate times for the Eastern seaboard -- and really, even I am tapped from watching the fourth game of the day here -- it's just compelling hoop, with two wildly athletic teams dueling away at each other.

Houston has lockdown defenders at several positions with Shane Battier and Ron Artest; it also has a mostly awful on the ball guy at center with Yao Ming, but he's damned useful at off-side shot blocking, and a great offensive player. Artest is fascinating by his lonesome; never has an NBA guy had bigger show muscles and less interest in rebounding, but when his jumper is falling, he's one of the forty best players in the league, and a better passer than you'd expect from a psychopath. I've discussed Luis Scola on the blog before, and he's, well, useful. (Think the Spurs would rather have him than Drew Gooden right now?)

As for Portland... you'd think that they'd find Houston to be a good matchup, since the way to beat the Blazers is to exploit the fact that they give Steve Blake starter minutes at the point, and Aaron Brooks wasn't on anyone's radar before this series. But for all of Portland's tasty athleticism and intriguing parts, they live and die by jump shots and don't do enough on defense to create easy scoring opportunities. That's why the town and team spend so much time trying to pump Greg Oden up; he's the only way they go from a 45 to 50 win team to something actually dangerous. But he's not -- what he is, unfortunately, is the second coming of Cookie Monster Stanley Roberts, at least in terms of being an Incredible Fouling Machine -- and they ain't, and I'm kicking myself for not seeing it before the playoffs started.

Tonight, both teams played great, and Portland was up four with ten minutes to play, mostly on the strength of making all of their free throws, while Houston had bricked a few. The first half was rhythm offense, while the second half was grinding half-court offense, and the road team got their lead on second chance points and a surprisingly quiet Houston crowd. It basically came down to which team had the best player -- Houston with Ming, and Portland with the criminally underrated Brandon Roy. But while Ming makes his teammates better (especially Luis Scola), mostly by commanding a constant double-team and getting them easy hoops in the half-court game, Roy does not; he's got that classic hot and cold guard game that gets him to the line and makes him look unstoppable when he's on, and like he's not getting enough help when he doesn't.

The last five minutes of this one was another great finish. Roy made huge shots; the Rockets answered with second-chance opportunities leading to Battier threes. I kept waiting for Bad Artest to show up and screw the pooch, but it didn't happen. Carl Landry made a huge jump shot and got yet another offensive board. In the final minute, it was LaMarcus Aldridge passing up the shot, Blake missing a jumper, and Joel Pryzbilla rockheading a ball into the backcourt, causing a crucial turnover. A Testy miss off a killshot corner three was pulled down by Roy. The Blazers gave it to Roy, who got blocked by Battier while committing a charge against Chuck Hayes, on the floor because Rockets' coach Rick Adelman is smart enough to switch Ming out for defense late. Brooks hit one of two, giving the Blazers another chance, but Travis Outlaw missed from forever. After another 1 for 2 free throw trip, Rudy Fernandez prolonged the suspense with a long three with 2.3 seconds left. Kyle Lowry then added even more suspense by missing the first free throw, then also the second, and Roy's full court heave was after the buzzer and short. Rockets 3, Blazers 1, and that's your first Game Four win in a playoff series for Houston since, well, forever.

I don't see the Rockets winning this in five games; Portland does have heart, and Yao was on the floor forever tonight. But I do see them closing this one out in Game Six, probably in another great game in a post-season that's been just filled with them. Just put on any game, you'll get a good one. (Oh, and ha ha, Paul Allen. I haven't forgotten our little start-up, you turd.)

Just When You Think You Know A League

In the first game of the NBA playoffs, we've seen:

> The #7 seed in the East, with a rookie point guard, a coach that was Dead Man Walking and a frontcourt rotation that includes people who look like they've flunked out of Clown College, win on the road against the defending NBA champions (that'd be Chicago over Boston)

> The #5 seed in the East, with the league consensus second choice for MVP, getting absolutely crushed by the #4 (that'd be Atlanta over Miami)

> The #6 seed come from 18 down in the third quarter to steal Game 1 (Philly over Orlando)

> Oh, and the road teams winning in San Antonio (Dallas) and Portland (Houston)

Just what in the name of Predictable Playoffs is going on here?

Well, a large number of teams that decided to play Game One of the playoffs unlike the way they've played in the regular season, really.

In Orlando, the Sixers overcame the big deficit and Andre Iguodala's two missed free throws with a minute left to steal home court advantage. It's the kind of game the Sixers usually lost in the regular season (they were 6-9 in games decided by four points or less then), and while I'm thrilled to see them get the game, an awfully large number of things broke well for them here. When you get Donyell Marshall erupting for 11 points in 11 minutes, all of them in the fourth quarter, that's found money. It's also stretching things to imagine that Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis will combine to go 7-for-19 with one three pointer again.

Gold stars go to Marshall, Iguodala, Lou Williams (18 points in 30 minutes for my pick for sixth man of the year), and I'm even going to give it up for the ghost of Theo Ratliff, who was certainly a lot more interested in fighting off Superman Howard than the starter, Sam Dalembert. If the Magic make a habit of shooting 5 for 18 from the arc, that would also help. Oh, and the final small point here: gents, would it kill you to hit some free throws? 11 for 20 isn't helping anyone.

In Atlanta, the Hawks held serve with ridiculous authority, holding the Heat to their playoff low with 64 points. Only two Heat players were in double figures, and this game was well into confetti buckets with Mike Bibby throwing degree-of-difficulty alley oops to Josh Smith. Of all of the first round picks that didn't go right for me in Game 1 (and lo, there were many), this one looks the shakiest, just because this Heat team looked like Dwayne Wade and 11 guys from the D-League. But the loss counts the same in the standings when it's by 1 or 26, and it's not as if NBA teams don't bounce back from time to time.

Though, of course, maybe I should also be feeling very shaky about that Blazer pick, what with a 27-point loss at home. Yao Ming's next miss from the field will be his first, and the Blazers just looked downright bad on defense, which was going to trip them up at some point in the playoffs, but jeez, so soon? Houston Fan, if you would have known this would been this easy as soon as T-Mac was gone, how would you have taken him out? Oh, and if Steve Blake wants to lose his matchup by 22 points to Aaron Brooks (and what a comeback for him, from historic failure as an NFL QB -- what, it's not the same guy?), this series won't go long at all.

At least we can count on one thing -- the Cavs-Lakers finals still dead-solid locked, with both of those teams more or less rolling in Game One, and looking much better than anyone else. At least that much has stayed, well, predictable.

Awards Time

With the next to last night of NBA action happening tonight, and my Sixers looking like the worst team in the post-season with their sixth straight loss (a 100-98 effort to a Celtics team that didn't have Kevin Garnett or much of a reason to play hard)... well, it's as good a time as any to rattle off my picks for the major awards. Let's get right to it, so I can get the stink of that game out of my mind.

Most Valuable Player -- LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers

People have been trying to make this into a competitive race for months now, and the general public, for one, isn't fooled. James is simply the best player in the Association on the team with the best record. The year he's had hasn't been matched statistically since Jordan's glory days.

Which isn't to denigrate the year that Dwayne Wade had. He's the clear number two choice, will most likely survive the first round against the Hawks, and will scare the living hell out of whatever luckless high East seed has to deal with him. He's just not as good as James. There's no shame in that.

As for Kobe, I'm not feeling it. In the future history of this year, he might be remembered for a championship, and he might be remembered as the year that he finally trusted his non-Shaq teammates.

But this is the year in which the most talented player in the league -- James -- became one of the hardest workers, too. Getting back on defense to make a saving and spectacular block just seemed to be a nightly occurrence. The pregame hijinks showed that, in a very real way, he was embracing a leadership role. The way he incorporated and raised Mo Williams, and how the team didn't miss a beat even as personnel shifted, just speaks volumes. And the 39-1 and counting home record just served notice that this was his year.

It's his year. And we're going to keep saying that for the next decade. Get used to it.

Rookie of the Year - Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls

Chicago is a playoff team, and Rose is their best player. That makes him the choice over Memphis's OJ Mayo, and New Jersey's Brook Lopez. Either of those guys might have actually been better players this year, but point guards just matter more, and it's not as if the Bulls were awash in talent this year, especially with Luol Deng hurt for much of the year. Rose needs to get better, and he will, but for this award, he's more than good enough.

Coach - Rick Adelman, Houston Rockets

There's a lot of thinking that this needs to go to Mike Brown of the Cavaliers, or the criminally under-regarded Jerry Sloan, who has somehow not won this thing for his entire damn career. You could also think about San Antonio's Gregg Popovich, who could get it every year, or the Lakers' Phil Jackson, who really did a fantastic job of making sure that his talent meshed. But for my money, I'm giving it to Houston's Rick Adelman, who survived Ron Artest, the auto-ejection of Tracy McGrady, a near-fatality to big man Carl Landry, a midseason trade of his starting point guard to Orlando, and his best player (Yao Ming) being a defensive sieve despite being 7'-5". I still don't like this team's playoff chances, just because Artest is far too crazy to survive national attention and pressure, but give Adelman his due. This could have been a train wreck, and instead, they are highly competitive.

Most Improved Player - Paul Milsap, Utah Jazz

Most folks go for the easy choice of guys who are scoring more points thanks to an opportunity (the Nets' Devin Harris), a second-year player just finding his range (the Thunder's Kevin Durant), or the slow rising action of an improving veteran (Indy's Danny Granger). I just can't get enough of Milsap's game, a guy who just came from nowhere to be a critical part of a potentially dangerous playoff team, and a guy who more or less Wally Pipped Carlos Boozer in Salt Lake. To me, the MIP is about rewarding this kind of player, not adding to the trophy closet of players who will find themselves getting honored enough.

Sixth man - Lou Williams, Philadelphia 76ers

Everyone takes Jason Terry on this one, but Terry's really not a sixth man; he's just a guy who, for some reason that no one outside of Dallas can really tell me, doesn't start. Williams, on the other hand, is a true bench guy; he doesn't start because he's not better than Andre Miller, Andre Iguodala or Thaddeus Young. But when he comes into the game, he is a real difference maker, having scored an ungodly number of points from that position without being, unlike Terry, a defensive matador. He's a big reason why the Sixers get to the line so much, have a cohesive second unit despite erratic talent, and simply deserves more play than he gets nationally, in that I'm pretty sure no one outside of Philadelphia knows about him at all. Give him the award.

Defensive Player of the Year - Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic

This one's not even close. Howard lead the Association in boards and blocks, the first time that's been done in forever, and he's the only reason why Orlando's situation (i.e., a bunch of guys who can shoot threes, none of whom are known for their defense) works. If he were hurt, you'd be looking at a .500 at best team, because their defense would look Phoenix-esque. I don't think they are a Final Four team, because I don't like their guard play that much, and when your best fourth quarter player is Hedo Turkoglu, that doesn't smell like a championship to me. But that's not what we're dealing with for Defensive Player of the Year. It's Howard, who is good on the ball, off the ball, and in every other way.

Where Amazing Salary Dumps Happen

Today in San Antonio, the Rockets took out the Spurs. That would be remarkable enough, really, given that this is the time of the year that the Spurs historically put the throttle down and get into disturbingly efficient killing mode, especially against a Rockets team that doesn't have Tracy McGrady (naturally) and traded away its starting point guard (Rafer Alston).

But hey, Yao Ming can do some things, right? And so can Testy, since he's still in that first year good guy stage. But, um, no. The fingerprints on this loss were entirely those of Luis Scola, who had 19 points, 17 boards, 4 assists, 3 steals and was the high man in plus/minus at +14, the highest on his team. Rockets 87, Spurs 85.

So who is Luis Scola? An Argentine power forward who the Spurs drafted in 2002. He never played a minute for that club, in part due to difficulty getting him away from his club team, and in part because, well, the Spurs have little need for a power forward given the presence of Tim Duncan. In 2007, San Antonio essentially gave Scola away to the Rockets along with big stiff Jackie Butler for cash, a second round pick, and a tax deduction named Vassilis Spanoulis. Scola finished third in the rookie of the year voting last year, and he's giving them 12.6 points, 8.7 boards, and shooting 53% from the field -- all of them up from his good rookie year.

This is, in all likelihood, Scola's ceiling; he's 28, after all, and while he knows what he's doing on the floor, he's certainly not a lockdown defensive player. But it's interesting, on some level, just how convoluted the salary cap makes the NBA. Here the Spurs had to more or less move an asset for very little to an arch-rival, just to make sure that they didn't go over the cap, or create a logjam at a position where they already had a star.

The closest corollary I can think of here is Raheem Brock having a career in Indianapolis for the Colts, after the Eagles drafted the Temple product in the seventh round, then overspent on signing their rookies and had to give him up. Baseball teams sell off assets all the time, of course, but rarely this blatant, and usually not in ways that could cause them a head to head loss that matters.

And, of course, Scola's also not likely to do this again in the playoffs, so on some level, you have to wonder how much it matters. But right now, with the Rockets ahead of the Spurs in the hyper-tight West, the answer is: a lot. And in a way that no other league does...



(And here's the YouTube link of the clinching plays, brought to you by commenter John over at Mundo Albiceleste. For more on the game, go check his site out.)

Great Wall of Fail

Courtesy of NESW Sports, this bright start to your day. Making this even happier, the Sixers won in Houston, with the Andres (Miller and, of course, Iguodala) leading the way for both the home laundry and my fantasy league team. And, speaking as his former owner, isn't it time for Yao's season-ending injury?

Your world confuses and frightens me

All over my Internets tonight, nothing but Human Cock Fighting. And heavy on the cock, really.

I get that people like to see people beat the crap out of each other; hence the big "Woo!" noises when a safety lays out a receiver, independent of the outcome of the play. I'm not above watching a good boxing match myself, especially if the fighters either have some personal venom in it, or there's some historical merit to the proceedings: Ali-Frazier fascinates me on a near Trickster Mythos level.

But really, are we all so immune to the charms of The Association (or non-March college basketball) that we're rather watch two guys in shorts wrap their legs around each other's necks until one of them says Hello, Sailor?

Tonight in hoop, there were two double-overtime classics, with the Spurs outlasting the very game Grizzlies and the Rockets taking out the Jazz. The Grizz took the elder statesmen of the league to the limit at home, with rookie OJ Mayo looking like the game's next great player; only a very hot Tony Parker could save them. The Rockets rode Ron Artest (!) to 28 points to win despite missing Tracy McGrady; the Jazz are missing Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur and Ronnie Milsap.

This, from a league with perhaps the biggest talent base of any sport outside of soccer, and the only thing I've done in the last two paragraphs is make 70% of the readers bent that I'm talking hoop again.

But anyway, back to the human cockfightery.

There's something going on here, and it's not just the Nature Abhors A Vacuum moment of boxing opening the door wide for a competing thrill. It's that, with the utter abandonment of the playing field by pro wrestling for safe bloodsport thrills, and the increasing pussification of the NFL (don't hit the quarterback in 40% of his body, don't pull the ball carrier down from behind by grabbing inside the shoulder pads from behind, don't hit the ball carrier out of bounds even if it's damn near impossible to pull up on the off chance that he cuts it back inside)...

Plus, with the Web's always-on and always-available fountain of video goodness that used to make us feel bad, until seeing so very much of it made us all lose whatever shame we still had around...

Well, maybe I'm just old school for not being more into Human Cockfighting. But, um, still. This is, really, what you want to watch?

Teh Stupid

In a podcast this week, Bill Simmons talked about how Ron Artest is the summer's biggest move (not Elton Brand, who went to the Sixers), because the trade makes the Rockets them the defensive force of the universe, and Brand doesn't make the Sixers anything more than a 45-win one-and-done playoff team. Oh, and that the Sixers were incredibly stupid for signing Brand.

Let's take the Brand signing first, because it somehow makes my head explode less. I've gone over this before, but what the Sixers have done is basically create a younger version of the Pistons -- not really a 45 win, one and done playoff team. Maybe they didn't get all the way there, and maybe they did -- but it's not like they had no plan, or that the plan was only to have a team with no real room to grow upward. Brand's not exactly ancient.

But even assuming that a Celtics homer's opinion can be trusted on such things, given where the Sixers have been for the past several years, is 45 wins a year really so damned awful? Trust me, the lottery years aren't more fun, and with the exception of the Allen Iverson pick, it wasn't terribly rewarding. (Don't believe me? Jerry Stackhouse. Shawn Bradley. Keith van Horn. Whoop de damn do.)

Next, Testy and the Rockets suddenly being a threat. Every year, people get seduced into thinking that a Tracy McGrady team is going to go far in the playoffs. Heck, I was among them last year, because I had been equally sucked into the idea that Yao Ming had to have a healthy year in him, if only once in his life. Testy doesn't change the fact that Yao and T-Mac can't stay healthy.

Nor can he change who he is... an overrated player, weak rebounder, and someone who's so stock raving flippo that he had beef with Yao before he even OFFICIALLY JOINED THE TEAM.

Look, I realize that NBA hounds adore guys with big reps as talented head cases, because they all think they can fix the guy (if only for a little while) and win. Hell, Dennis Rodman's got rings, so all it takes is the love of a good coach.

But for the love of Andrew Toney, just because Adelman got a decent half season and a competitive playoff against the Spurs, that doesn't make him a good coach. If he were a good coach, he'd have, you know, won a playoff series that you didn't expect him to win.

Anyway, back to Testy. Sure, he's in a contract drive. He'd have to be insane to not stay in his shoes and suck in a new team for a big deal. He's not getting any younger, and as a defensive player, he's going to have less time to be good.

He's also a guy that nearly got arrested for dog abuse. He provoked a riot. His dream as a young player was to work at a Circuit City. His rap work puts the duh in delusion.

So he's (a) not that good, and (b) not going to stay sane, and he's playing for a team where the stars can't stay healthy. So what's there to like here again?

Houston's New Problem

FTT's favorite team cancer and wildly overrated NBA player is getting some new laundry. The Houston Rockets become the dumb pick to become an actual title contender by giving up a fairly worthless draft pick, an expiring contract (attached to the spent Bobby Jackson) and another player (reputed to be rookie forward Donte Greene) for the knucklehead. The Rockets are also expected to take some human ballast that goes by the name of Patrick Ewing Jr. and Sean Singletary to make the deal work.

If you want to look on the bright side of life, Testy is going to perhaps the only coach he's ever loved. Rick Adelman had him for the last half of the 05-06' Honeymoon Period in Sactown, and he milked him for 17, 5 and 4, along with a first-team NBA All-Defense selection. If he has his head on straight, the theory goes, he'll give the Rockets an imposing defensive lineup, with your crunch time five consisting of two stoppers (him and Shane Batier), two sieves (Rafer Alston and Yao Ming), and one situational (Tracy McGrady, who has the Kobe Ability to be good defensively when he chooses to expend the energy).

If you're the Rockets, I guess you had to do this deal. It's not like you're going to get this collection of talents for this rock-bottom price (seriously, Green should be the only thing that matters from the Kings side, and it's not as if he's a lock to make it, especially for a Kings franchise that's looking like it's packing light for the Las Vegas or Seattle moving vans). But what people don't get about Testy is that he's actually a pretty terrible basketball player. His muscles are for show, as the eternally bad rebounding numbers show -- we're talking about a 6'-7", 248=pound specimen (read: probable juicer) that plays major minutes, and gets just over a rebound a quarter. He's also one of those guys who shouldn't be allowed to touch the ball outside of the three point arc, and he likes to jack it up from there a lot.

This, of course, doesn't even get into the sideshow mainshow that is Testy. If your team's losing, he gets bored and bails. If your team's winning, he's still a ticking time bomb with the refs, coaches, opposing fans, and life. He's also, not to put to fine a point on it, a genuinely bad human being, even by infamous athlete standards: witness the dog abuse stuff that went on in Sactown, let alone the pull the pin and toss the grenade routine that single-handedly destroyed the Pacers. This is just a guess, but I'm thinking that he's responsible for Jermaine O'Neal becoming useless, too.

Well, let the pretending begin, Houston Fan. Maybe this is the year that brittle big man Yao Ming finally stays healthy. Or that Rafer Alston isn't really a deluxe backup masquerading as a starter. Or that two guys with ineffective offensive games (Battier and Testy) can trade off the wing positions and not chafe each other -- heck, just having a franchise with eventual presidential candidate Battier with eventual convicted felon Testy makes the Rockets the sports blogosphere's go-to team. Oh, and that Rick Adelman, of all people, can crack the whip and make them all stay in line. Me, I'll put money down under the Tracy McGrady Loses In The First Round prop bet. That's worked out swimmingly for me for years.

What would I have done? Signed the surprising and effective Carl Landry, given him the starting minutes, saved yourself the heartache, and worked on the glaring Achilles' heels that are really going to doom this franchise over the next few years: the fact that they don't have a point guard on the roster that can stay with Chris Paul or Deron Williams, and that Yao is a terrible on-the-ball defender and a guy who's longing for Ziggy Ilgauskas's durability. But now, all of that gets forgotten about, because the circus has come to town.

And if you think I'm wrong, find a Kings fan -- I'm sure there still are some, it's not like those cow tippers have anything else to watch -- that tells you he's really going to miss Testy, and that he'll fondly look back on his tenure in the capital for all of the wins and winning play. Good luck finding that guy. (OTOH, I was the guy who thought the Celtics would never get Garnett, and that when they did get him, he wasn't going to be enough to get them a ring. So start printing up Finals tickets.)

One More Reason Why We Love Hoop

Tracy McGrady is, according to his Wikipedia page, a husband and father of three, and 28 years old. He's scored over 16,000 points in his NBA career, been to the playoffs 7 out of 10 years, and made almost $100 million in salary to date. By the numbers, he's an even money or better choice to make the Hall of Fame, and his season averages of 22, 6 and 5 go up in the playoffs to 28, 7 and 6. When healthy, he's no worse than one of the 20 best players in the world.

And yet, as you can plainly see from the photograph, he's one of the more tragic figures in the Association. And this, in a nutshell, is one of the reasons I love hoop.

People talk about the body language of quarterbacks, or starting pitchers, or relief pitchers. Heck, one of the best pieces in sports writing history is all about Ted Williams' last at bat, which is all about body language. And in terms of team sports, they are all crushed by hoop.

I can, to this day, close my eyes and see Andrew Toney's jump shot -- 25 years after his best days with the Sixers. Visualizing Charles Barkley assaulting the rim, his body just jumping and jumping like he had springs in his legs, is easy. When you cup your hand to your ear to the crowd, and I know he stole this from Hulk Hogan, that's Allen Iverson.

We know this because in basketball, we are on top of the players, and they don't wear pads or hats. The very best of them know what kind of public performance they bring to the table; they know the importance of performing. They're emotional by nature, and the ones that aren't (I'm thinking about Tim Duncan here) even count, since the moments where they do show emotion stand out.

We see -- and in the case of T-Mac above, *feel* -- everything they are feeling. And since the game is so physically exhausting, it all comes out of them, especially in the playoffs.

I'm sure that T-Mac goes home to his mansion and has no real strong issues about the way his career has gone. But for the moment when it all unravels, for the seventh straight time, for the tenth straight year, it's easy to forget that, and just be in his moment.

(For the only taste I could find of Andrew, here's your link. No embedding on it, but well worth the click.)