MNF Thoughts: Packers-Saints

I'd have more of these, but once Brees hit Colston with the 70-yarder, followed by the Packers falling apart and giving up the long run to Pierre Freaking Thomas, I was toast in a league where, despite having a ton of points, I'm nearly out of the playoff race.

Anger.

Anyway, shootout in New Orleans, and the home crowd and the Saints' secondary made Aaron Rodgers blink first. I can't see either of these teams now making the playoffs, but if they do, either could scare the bejeezus out of a limited, defensive team.

Oh, and save us from the Favre Worship, media. At least until he actually wins a playoff game, ok?

MNF Madness: Saints-Vikings

Just an absurd game tonight in the Bayou.

In the first half, the hometown Saints outgained the Vikings by a 5 to 1 margin in the first half, only to be down 17-10. Credit Martin Grammatica for a hopelessly bad field goal attempt that was blocked and returned for a touchdown, as well as some breathtakingly bad moments from the skill position players.

In the second half, it got really freaking weird. The Vikings decided to punt to Reggie Bush, despite the fact that he took two of them (!) to the house, and might have had a third if he could have kept his feet. Gus Frerotte (!) then came back after nearly being decapitated to throw a long touchdown to Bernard Berrian, on a play where Berrian almost got killed by his own teammate on a simultaneous double post pattern. The Saints were penalized 17 times. Grammatica came back after the blocked kick to hit from 53 yards away. Despite the high score, both defenses were absolutely murderous with the hitting, with Antonio Winfield becoming the first guy to have a sack, blocked kick, fumble recovery touchdown and blocked kick return touchdown in the same game.

Was that all? Hell no. Brees should sue for non-support. I've always thought that interceptions shouldn't always be given to the QB. With three minutes left in the first half, Brees hit WR Lance Moore in the hand on a short out. Moore reacted to this by tapping the ball into the air and falling down, setting up the interception for the opportunistic Vikings defense. On another play, Bush fumbled after having his head nearly torn off on a facemask penalty that wasn't called, as the cursed Ed Hochuli found himself in the crosshairs Yet Again. (He also whiffed on an Adrian Peterson fumble call with 1:11 left. Seriously, Ed, give it up.)

As for the Saints, this counts as the second game where employing a Grammatica turned out to be, well, as dumb as employing a Grammtica. His bad miss with 2 minutes left opened the door for a Vikings team that really should have been too stupid to win a game -- honestly, you kicked it to Bush twice? -- but hey, the Saints DNA runs deep.

The Saints D actually played really well -- they held Adrian Peterson to less than 2 yards a career -- but they couldn't stop Berrian (6 catches for 110, and a clear pass interference that set up the winning field goal).

It was just craziness from end to end, from two teams that are just way too flawed -- and both of them are now 2-3 -- to be any meaningful kind of playoff threat... but what the heck, it's the NFL. No one knows anything, least of all the winning coach tonight. (Seriously, Brad Childress kicked it to Bush twice. He eats paste. Winningly, but still.)

Oh, and the winning QB (Frerotte) gave a post-game interview in which he talked about being mildly concussed, and on HD, you could see the large purple welt on his forehead. At least it went with his laundry color, and it's not like Gus doesn't have experience with Head Trauma. Matter of fact, after watching this game, I think *I* have head trauma...

Epic Drop: Top 10 Cursed Pro Football Positions

Here's today's link, which required more research than usual, and has perhaps the single best moment that I can imagine to summarize the whole of the existence of the Detroit Lions, in that Scott Mitchell is a Legendary Lion. No, I'm not kidding. Go, by all means, and wonder.

New York Joins The Hate Shockey Bandwagon

The most overrated tight end in football got moved today, as Jeremy Shockey goes from the Giants to the Saints for a second and a fifth in 2009.

That sounds about right to me, given that Shockey is 28 and injury-prone, but a major upgrade over Eric Johnson, in that he has broken a tackle in his life. There is the small matter of key drops on third down, badly timed penalties and turnovers, and throwing the team under the bus in the post-game media session, but those are all workable, right? Heck, there probably isn't even any media left in New Orleans, seeing how Kyle Turley and Aaron Brooks both made money there for a while.

Kudos to the Giants for getting a good return on their investment, and realizing that Kevin Boss was better, younger, and cheaper. Now, if and when the Giants struggle this year, wait for meatheads from North Jersey (your humble blogger is from Philadelphia, and merely lives in Central Jersey, thereby giving me innate superiority) to claim it's all because they moved on this motormouth.

Wait, screw that, I'm an Eagles fan. Giants Fan, you're doomed without Shockey's leadership!

Crap, even I can't pretend on this one.

In New Orleans, Shockey is reunited with Sean Payton, who remembers him as a rookie that was, well, good enough to make people overrate him in the first place. He also gets Drew Brees, who certainly showed that he'll feed a tight end when he was in San Diego with Antonio Gates. Of course, Gates is three times the player that Shockey is, but you figure that he's going to have one good Screw You Coughlin year in him down in the Bayou.

Shockey moving on is also an excellent acid test of the New York homer in your roto league (and we all have one of each). Shockey's value should be higher now, assuming that the people in your league pay attention to the Saints at all. Boss might be a better real player, but in the fake leagues, Shockey is the ones with the heavy catch years, and his QB plays half of his games in a happy time dome -- so Shockey should be higher in anything but a keeper league. (I also think Brees is a lot better than Eli Manning, but since Eli won a Super Bowl, no one can say anything mean about him ever again. That includes you, Giant Fan.)

But now that he's not wearing the right laundry... maybe not. Plus, we -- and by we, I mean Philly Fan and Giant Fan, who exist in an uneasy truce in my part of the world -- can all come together. It's unanimous. Shockey's an ass!

Finally, this... FTT Contributor the Five Tool Ninja notes that the G-Men have 13 players with four letter last names, and seven of them end in a double consonant. So if you are like me, and like to throw four letter words at the Giants, you're rate over 25% of the time. Which is, well, one in four. We're through the looking glass here, people...

Epic Drop: To Save The NFL Season, We Need Another Hurricane

Sharp-eyed readers will notice a certain resemblance to an infamous recent editorial by Stu Bykofsky of the Philadelphia Daily News. Having had the, um, pleasure of actually meeting Bykofsky once upon a time, I can tell you that he fulfills all of the pre-conceived notions of what a hacky journo is like... and that while he used to write kvetchy gossip columns for the PDN, he's now clearly moved on to artless agitprop.

Anyway, go read the piece and then come on back. I'm going to try to clear through a bunch of stuff today.

Thank You, Oh Lord, For Giving Us A Regular Season NFL Game: Top 11 Stories That Can Now Go Away

Normally, we are a hidebound traditionalist about NFL Football. We want it to happen at 1 and 4pm EST on Sunday, with a single Monday Night game. All other times are stupid, irritating, screw up our pools and make us think that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, I tells ya.

Having said that, Five Tool Tool is happy to embrace our NFL Overlords in just another 12 hours or so, for the simple fact that with an actual GAME to cover, we MAY be spared any of the following items being discussed tomorrow.

Saints vs. Colts. And all I can say is, thank God the game isn't in New Orleans, because then the following list wouldn't go to 11.

1) Brett Favre's Retirement

2) Peter King's Personal Life

3) Tiki Barber's Relationship With The NY Giants

4) Gregg Easterbrook's Desire To Wank While Looking At Cheerleaders

5) John Madden's Thanksgiving Dinner Plans

6) Jimmy Johnson's Hair Regimen

7) Terrell Owens' Current Threat Level (see right; we're in Yellow)

8) Michael Vick's NFL Future

9) Pac Man Jones' Wacky / Disturbing / Self-Destructive Antics

10) New Orleans' Special Relationship With The Saints

11) NBC's Relentless Propaganda Campaign for Sunday Night Football (NO! DAMMIT! THEY GOT ME TO WRITE ABOUT THEM AGAIN!)

Those Marks Are Permanent

Sunday Game Thoughts...

1) Largest comeback in AFC/NFC title game history. No dome team has ever won on the road in a championship game. First time that black coaches are in the Super Bowl, first time that a black coach will win the Super Bowl.

Over/under on how many times these will be noted in the next two weeks in the mainstream media: 5,874.

Take the over.

2) Bob Irsay, in the post-game gloatathon, gives it all up for God and Lamar Hunt. Then Tony Dungy does the same, but doesn't mention Hunt. Two questions:

1. When did God start going against the Patriots? God usually seems on their side in a big way, considering that they're now 8-1 in playoff games decided by less than 7 points. What's made Him forsake them? Post your theories in the comments, if you like.

2. Why does Tony Dungy hate Lamar Hunt?

3) How much of the public distaste for Peyton Manning come from just heavy rotation of his television ads, and is it really fair to tar and feather him for it?

Answer: Yes. He cashes the checks.

4) Somewhere in the sub-Sahara, some village is going to get their 2006-2007 AFC Championship Patriots swag. It's going to look a lot less funny than the Saints swag.

5) As the teams were walking off the field, Manning got close to Belichick, who gave him the body language of a miser with a homeless man. Fifteen minutes later, CBS interviews Belichick on camera with Solomon Wilcots, and he got off the air after two questions and 12 seconds.

Bill, apparently, doesn't take well to this losing in the playoffs thing. A shame, because so long as he thinks he can make it all the way with waiver wire wideouts, he's going to keep having this experience.

6) Can Reche Caldwell open his eyes any wider when he drops a pass, or is that physically impossible? While we're asking rhetorical questions, can Pats fans and those who took them hate him any more right now? San Diego had its revenge on you, Pats.

7) Here's the biggest reason why neutral fans should be pleased with a Colts-Bears match-up -- Rex Grossman will not have to face a Belichick defense. After nearly three quarters of failing to take advantage of the Saints' porous secondary, Sexy Rexy picked it up in time to take advantage. Against the Pats, I think he would wet himself and eat paste.

8) If you bet with Mean Old Grandpa Frank (see below, or click on the link to the right), you'd be rolling in the money today. There's something to be said for experience.

9) Despite getting the snot beaten out of them late, it really was a nice year for the Saints. So long as they can coach Bush to stop putting the ball on the ground, keep Brees healthy, and find a few corners, they're going to own the NFC South for several years to come.

10) The early pick for the Super Bowl? Colts by 10. If Rexy wins, he displaces Jeff Hostetler and Trent Dilfer as worst QBs to ever win the game. Even in an era of lowered standards, that's too low.

More Spasmodic Dance, Please

It takes a lot to be a Respected NFL Leader.

Sometimes it takes making a routine tackle look like skydiving, and sometimes it takes being an accessory to murder... allegedly.

But Brian Dawkins and Ray Lewis have one thing in common that cements their leadership status -- they've got their pre-game entrance down so well, it makes national television broadcasts.

What about the other teams, still alive in the playoffs, that do not? FTT, as always, is here to help.

1) Peyton Manning Is Lord of the Dance

Showing their stunning cohesion and choreographic courage, Manning leads his offensive teammates on to the field en masse, high-stepping all the way to a martial beat. Moving his dancing blockers in a way that leads many color analysts to point out that if Peyton hadn't been in football, no one would ever heard of Bob Fosse, Peyton sets the tone for this week's slap fight with Brady and the Patriots. Loser buys the tights!

2) Borging With Belichick

As any Pats will tell you, usually at a volume level that's 20 to 30 points past screaming, The Pats are not so much a football team as they are a single-minded 45-man weapon for the greatest genius of this or any other age, Bill Belichick, to wield to his will. As the Pats take the field, make sure to look at what they're doing from the blimp's eye view, where the overhead pattern is revealed to be a perfect use of feng shui, chi, and EST. Within ten minutes, you'll have joined the cult and become a potent apologist for their cause!

3) Rexy's Razzle Dazzle

In a final and ultimately successful attempt to send Bear fans straight into an insane asylum, Bears QB Rex Grossman is a one-man Broadway show in this homage to the musical "Chicago." Pay special attention to the awkward half-participation of wideouts Berrian and Muhammad, who have to sing back-up, or fear Rex freezing them out in the game for Desmond "Big Mama" Clark.

4) Reggie Bush Leads The Saints' Jazz Funeral

Shrugging aside concerns that he's starting things off on the wrong note, The Savior of New Orleans leads the team into battle with a full brass band playing "Just A Closer Walk With Thee." After bringing the Saints back from the dead, ruining the season for countless over-reaching fantasy sports nerds, and making Hurricane Katrina a distant memory (well, um, no)... is there anything Reggie can't do? Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez!

Eagles-Saints thoughts

Confirmation Code: GNMBMVF16370781

There is no reason for Eagles fans to feel disappointed.

The team played a short week against a team with a bye, in a dome. They did so without their best offensive player (McNabb), their best DL (Kearse), and their best CB (Sheppard).

They went 6-1 in their division. They made it to the final 8, after looking like the worst team in football in late November. A three point loss on the road is nothing to be ashamed of.

And yet... how do you go for it on 4th and 10, but punt on 4th and 15?

And how do you, year after year, get killed by your inability to stop the run? (Don’t believe me? Go look at Corey Dillon in the Super Bowl. Or the Panther loss, or the Buc loss, or Marshall Faulk saving the Rams…)

And why, no matter who the QB is, can't the offense ever show up in the first quarter?

I love Andy Reid. He's the best coach in the history of the franchise. This has been the best time ever to be an Eagles fan -- 6 division titles in the last 7 years, a bunch of playoff wins, and they’ve made the division their bitch. They've given us a lot to love.

But oh, man, they're frustrating.

A few more specific points from tonight’s game…

1) Let's make this the last game for Dhani Jones in Eagles green. Andy, if you're going to raid the division for FA talent, hit Washington first. They never notice when their young players are good. The Giants do. (Don’t believe me? Consider one William James, nee Peterson.)

2) Nice moment for Fox when they show a female fan wearing a profane shirt. Oh well, it wasn't a nipple, so I guess Joe Buck and Congress won't soil themselves in indignation, and I somehow doubt the FCC fine will be that intense. (Clip used to be up on YouTube, but isn't now. Conspiracy!)

3) In baseball, they call it the shut-down inning: when your offense gives you runs, your pitcher has to go out and get 3 outs. The Eagles D was terrible in those situations tonight, and it’s why they lost.

4) I'm probably in the minority on this, but Reggie Bush still looks overrated to me. Sure, he's got moves, but not so much power, can be muscled at the line in coverage, and is loose with the ball. He's got a ways to go before he's Barry Sanders, folks. Right now, he’s just a bigger Warrick Dunn – good, not astounding.

5) I guess I'm rooting for the Saints now, but those CBs bite more on double moves than Anne Heche. (Andy Dick? Tallulah Bankhead? You could go a lot of ways with this one.)

6) Brian Dawkins was great this year. He wasn't tonight. Tight ends that aren’t good enough to stay with the Houston Texans (that'd be Billy Miller) should not be a factor against a great safety.

7) Anyone else notice Moose Johnson and Tony Siragusa achieving orgasm on the McAllister touchdown, after he faked out Jeremiah Trotter? Very professional, Fox. And by the way, go screw yourselves.

8) Sweet play by the Saints punter to get the first late in the half... but if Shawn Barber makes the play, or anyone else on the coverage team notices the lack of punt sound, the Eagles get the ball with 30 seconds left in the half at mid-field. The possible 3 points might've come in handy.

9) I love Brian Westbrook; it was nice to finally see him get love at the goal line in the last few games this year. I wouldn’t mind seeing a big back for those situations, but that’s not really concerns me. It's just not a good sign when he's returning punts.

The Eagles need to upgrade the returner position with someone who actually has the ability to break one. They haven't had a quality return situation since JR Reed in the Super Bowl, 2 years ago. Reno Mahe doesn’t cut it, guys. At least try Ryan Moats back there next year, and see if he can put his quicks to use.

10) Sean Payton's done a great job this year, but the play call with the flip to Bush with 3 minutes left was insane. I'm continually amazed at how so many NFL coaches refuse to stay with something (McAllister up the gut) that the opponent isn't stopping. It's like everyone is trying to win the game and style points. Bush is a goat for whiffing, but there's no reason to make that play call.

Why neutral fans should root for the Eagles over the Saints

As an Eagles fan, I'm used to people rooting against my team. After all, it's fun and profitable, especially if you're getting points in an NFC championship game.

But this week's Katrina Hype prior to the Saints game strikes me as wrong-headed, for the following reasons.

1. Football is a distraction. Won't the reconstruction of the city go faster without everyone getting so wrapped up in a long playoff run?

2. The safety of the levies. In the event of a Saints win, won't the public drunkenness and inevitable urination test the city's defenses again? And really, what would you rather be flooded by?

3. Saints win = more Tom Benson dancing with an umbrella. Think of the children.

4. Possible Saints-Colts SB matchup. Hasn't Archie Manning suffered enough?

5. I hear Reggie Bush wants to go out on top, and might retire in the event of a Saints win. The NFL needs him to stay in the game, even more than Brett Favre. (Side note: It's been over 10 days since my last Brett Favre Retirement Story. The withdrawal symptoms are getting harder and harder to control.)

6. If the Seahawks and Saints win, the Saints would host the NFC Championship. As every game ever telecast from Seattle shows, the 'Hawks bring their own monsoons.

7. New Orleans is relying on Bush to come through when they need him most. That hasn't worked out so well in the past.

8. If the Saints win this week, Bobby Ebert (Update: Hebert) and Aaron Brooks will be forgotten, perhaps for good. (Wipes away tears.)

9. Biloxi got crushed by Katrina too, but you never hear anything about their NFL team. It's not fair.

10. If the path to Super Bowl victory now has to go through acts of God and government negligence, Philadelphia will bomb itself. Again. (Don't let Wilson Goode see this blog.)