Blogrolling Is Extreme In Every Way

Probably the most EXTREME! par 3 on the planet. It requires the use of a helicopter, and I don't like their chances of keeping that green clear of divots.



This is how bad it's gotten for the Pittsburgh Pirates: they lost a game to a community college. And not a very big one.But give the Buccos credit -- they won the first ten times they played!

Are you ready to interact with the Web on a near constant level, for just $350 in computer components from Radio Shack? I know I am, particularly when I can display word clouds on random people, hopefully to tie in with their medical records, so that I can know their STDs. Seriously, do not miss this: it's the freaky / cool / scary future, in all of its glory and ignominy.



Joe Carter is angry that his 1993 World Series-ending home run doesn't get more love from the historians. Joe, it's not that the national media doesn't care about a Toronto win; it's that they don't want to deal with Angry Philly Fan setting fire to their cars. (Though I still contend that what I felt that evening was relief, in that it meant that I never had to watch Mitch Williams pitch again.) Major League Jerk with a list and some good homework on this one.

Because, let's face it, kids love to sleep inside carcasses.

Oh, and just because it doesn't deserve a post of its own, because New York Fan will drown the Web with words... the Mets didn't help themselves with Gary Sheffield, and the Giants did help themselves to get past Plax Burress. The older I get, the more I think character matters. Oh, and in the case of Shef, having a defensive position. That helps too.

Top 11 things Donovan McNabb might have said on that phone call

11) "How come no one makes those 1-800 Collect ads anymore?"

10) "Hello, TO? It's the playoffs calling. And they don't miss you."

9) "Someone get me Homeland Security, because we're dropping a bomb on New York. Damn!"

8) "Hey, can you call Kevin Kolb, and tell him to arrange the media around my locker? He knows how."

7) "Sure, this looks pretty douchey, but playing classy never got me any love in Philly. Besides, at least I'm not dancing."

6) "Dammit, woman, I don't care that we've got twins and I said I'd be there for you. I'm at work!"

5) "How much do you think Giants Fan hates this? Yeah, that much."

4) "You think it's easy to come up with a new way to make old white sportswriters mad?"

3) "I know, Andy, I know, but if I didn't take the penalty and give Dawk another chance to hit someone, he said he was going to 'Go Wolverine' on me. Man's not right."

2) "Plax, baby, I just can't thank you enough. Say hi to Michael Vick for me."

1) "Hey, is there Butz up there? First name Seymour."

One small question in re L'Affaire du Plax

I’m my own worst enemy. The things that have happened to me, I have no one to blame but myself. That’s what makes Plaxico Burress Plaxico Burress. - Guess Who, a month ago on Fox

1) The cops have the gun that he used to shoot himself.

2) They have pretty conclusive evidence that the gun was fired. It's right over there, in the suspect's freaking *leg*.

3) There are witnesses as to when the gun was fired.

4) The gun is unlicensed.

5) It was also concealed, or at least it was before the suspect shot himself.

6) All of these things are as close to incontrovertible proof as you are going to get in this world.

7) Some of these things are clear and obvious violations of the law, and the suspect has been charged accordingly.

So, um... and realizing that I am not a multi-millionaire, and therefor not familiar with the quality of justice or legal counsel that such people receive...

Under what grounds is he pleading not guilty again?

Ladies and gentlemen, start your NYPD Is Racist Conspiracy Theories!

The Giants Love Their Fans

"We have 130,000 people on our waiting list. We could charge anything and still fill the stadium." - Giants owner John Mara, as quoted in the NYTimes today, on WFAN

This link is worth the firewall, if only for the shadenfraude you'll feel at New York Fan's considerable and escalating expense (the Mets, Yankees, Giants and Jets are all getting new pleasure palaces soon). Everyone get on board with their love for New Stadiums!

Really, folks... at some point, when does the sporting public say uncle? Even the swells who have gone to these games historically have mortgages, pay for gas and groceries, get nicked for health care and college tuition and have seen their houses become worth a lot less than they used to be. I can see going to a game here and there as a special event, but the idea of passing up vacations and retirement so I can have a season ticket to games I can see at home seems a bit, you know, much...

The Short Honeymoon

So here's your check list of things that have happened since the Giant Snatch that made the Eli Manning Giants your NFL champions.

1) Michael Strahan retired, turning the club's biggest defensive strength -- a pass rush that could change the way the game was played -- into something much less fearsome.

2) Plaxico Burress became unhappy about his contract, and unhappy wideouts are always conducive to winning. It's OK, though, because the Giants are just loaded with WRs on the roster who are, um, in no way as good as Burress. (Oh, and nice work from the other Giants to stand up for the teammate who carried you last year on a bad ankle, and caught the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. That's some good loyalty there, and I'm sure he's going to remember that the next time he's dinged up and has to play when he's not really feeling his best.)

3) Marshall's own Ahmad Bradshaw, the rookie backup RB that gave them such a lift when Brandon Jacobs succumbed to being Brandon Jacobs, was arrested. Now, it's not like he Carruthed anyone, but as Jamal Lewis proved in the past in Baltimore, time in the hole just does wonders for your burst. (Oh, and nice work on the Web site, G-Men. Under Off-Field Activity, Bradshaw wisely has "No Information Available." They can't prove you were accomplices to whatever it is that he did in southwest Virginia to violate his parole...)

4) Jeremy Shockey wasn't traded, and has become the distraction that we all know and love. Maybe he can hang out with Burress and see if they can infect David Tyree, while they are at it. This also means less of Kevin Boss, which as an Eagles fan, I can happily support.

5) Backup QB Jared Lorenzon was released, mostly to cut the team's carbon footprint. Who will come in for the Monster Sneak play now?

I can see why they'd want to lose the Hefty Lefty, though. It's not every day that you get the opportunity to watch David Carr and Anthony Wright compete to be your backup QB, unless, of course, you are watching Arena ball.

6) Everybody seemed OK with all of this, because they're Super Bowl Champs. and once a quarterback breaks through and wins one of these things, he becomes imbued with special Jedi Super Bowl Winning Powers. (Just like Trent Dilfer!)

Here's your first four weeks for the Giants.

1) Washington

2) At St. Louis

3) Cincinnati

4) Bye

Hoo boy. It looks easy, but you really don't want the bye early in the season, and I'd bet that they cough up at least one of them. Probably not the home opener against rookie coach Zorn and those always entertaining Redskins, but maybe that road dome game in St. Louis against a Rams team that might even still have healthy skill position players, and an upright Orlando Pace.

But it's completely OK if the Giants start from the block slow. After all, their last four games -- Philly, at Dallas, Carolina and at Minnesota -- just look like a complete cakewalk, and we all know that Road Warrior performance doesn't fade over the years, just as no one in New York boos a Super Bowl winning quarterback. Phil Simms was a god to those people. Infallible, really.

But just in case, it'd be nice if someone told Strahan to throw the team under the bus with a tell-all book halfway through the year, and if someone else has Shockey kneecapped. Why mess with a good formula?

Epic Drop: Top 10 Ways in Which Tiki Barber and Jeremy Shockey Prevented The Giants From Winning

Your link is here, and it's got a special secret video of a Coughlin coaching session under the fold. But seriously, Giants Fan... if your team slays the dragon and wins, you've pretty much got to burn your Shockey and Barber jerseys, right? (I know -- what Shockey and Barber jerseys?)

What's A Football Fan To Do?

I've been avoiding the question since the Giants improbable Sunday night win. But when my eight-year-old son finally asked me "Who are you rooting for in the Super Bowl?", I knew I had to confront the issue.

As an Eagles fan, the Giants are my natural enemy. Every instinct I have tells me that I need to root against the Men in Blue.

And like any good football fan, I find the Patriots insufferable. I have zero interest in seeing a team was found to have cheated celebrate a 19-0 season.

So after thinking about this, I realized that there is a perfect solution.

I want the Giants to outplay the Patriots throughout the game, but I want the Pats to win.

By one point.

On a blown call. A horrible, game-deciding blown call. In a game plagued with bad calls that all go the Pats way.

I'm rooting for phantom holding penalties, whistles inadvertantly blown when fumbles are still live, blatant pass interference that goes unchecked, "tuck" calls on apparent Brady fumbles, and a mysterious malfunction in the Giants headsets during the final drive.

I want this SB to go down in history as The Fluke Bowl, the championship that was stolen from the Giants. Nothing would please me more than to see the Perfect Season completely overshadowed by the controversy, and, as an added bonus, NY fans go crazy with righteous fury over losing the Lombardi trophy to a team that they dominated in every way on the field.

I can't tell you how much I want to see this happen. It's really the only possible satisfying outcome.