Top 10 Things Roger Clemens Is Going To Do After His Mistrial

10) Shoot up into his eyeballs on the street, then scale a skyscraper

9) Show Andy Pettite his pockmarked ass

8) Learn up on if a double jep party will hurt his career ERA or not

7) Start lobbying his media geishas for immediate entry to Cooperstown, since unlike Barry Bonds, he's white

6) Charge some fools as much as the market will bear for his signature on a baseball

5) Pay a child actor to ask him teary questions on some courthouse steps, then immediately brighten up as he denies all allegations

4) Coast to coast "Lying To Congress Blue Collar Comedy Tour"

3) Point out to the media that further prosecution of him costs taxpayers money, as if that's somehow unique

2) Associate with as many other guilty people as he likes, since that doesn't seem to be a problem any more

1) Show up at Yankee Stadium and see if this happens again