Top 10 reasons why so many All-Stars are skipping the game

10) Um, it is in Arizona in July, which means that it's in a place were brown people don't feel welcome, and neither do mammals

9) Having just four out of the 15 guys who are skipping the game be on the disabled list just means that teams are trying to save on HMO bills

8) The Yankees that are skipping the game just wanted some time alone from all of their teammates

7) Somehow haven't gotten the memo that this time, it counts

6) Meniscus surgery is contagious

5) Not only is the game in Arizona, but the players had to fly into the Phoenix Airport, aka the fattest place on earth

4) Now that Derek Jeter has made it to 3,000 hits, no one wants to be near him anymore

3) MLB keeps insisting on playing games on Sunday, rather than just make sure that everyone can play by pitching a full empty week, rather than a half

2) Players just see this as one more interleague game, which no one in their right mind wants to see

1) If you withdraw after being selected, you still get paid, so you have to be some kind of idiot to actually play, really