Top 10 Reasons Why Shaq Is Joining Turner Broadcasting

10) Will finally make Charles Barkley look, well, less morbidly obese

9) Turner needed someone to tell Kenny Smith and his two bandwagon rings to shut up

8) Couldn't resist another opportunity to ruin a sweet gig for Chris Webber

7) After the last few years of wandering the NBA like a hobo, he's been a teammate to the majority of current players

6) Months and months of opportunities to tell Kobe Bryant to taste his ass

5) Clearly, he needs the money

4) Figures that with the league in lockout, Turner will just resort to months of roasts where the only thing he'll have to do is throw back his head and fake laugh

3) America demands a mumbling color analyst

2) It was either this or police work, and police work sometimes involves running

1) Shaq is just doing his part to finally rid America of Magic Johnson