Top 10 reasons why Roger Clemens might not testify

10) Legal system generally does not pay you for your time or autograph

9) Could remind people on the jury that he's an unconscionable prick

8) Not comfortable answering questions while fully dressed

7) Like fellow roider Sammy Sosa, has lost the ability to speak English

6) Has seen enough episodes of "Matlock" to know this isn't a good idea

5) Concerned that if he did speak, his firm command of the language and clipped elocution might alienate the rabble

4) Prefers his courtroom sketch to appear hunched over and guilty, rather than indignant and guilty

3) Does not want to give bitter Red Sox Fan even more spank bank material

2) Knows that if he starts testifying and likes it, he'll have to hint at coming back and testifying some more every year or so

1) Worried that he might snap and throw a bat fragment at the prosecutor