Tuck and Cover

So there's a story on the wires today about how Giants' defensive tackle Justin Tuck has beef with current Eagles RB LeSean McCoy, and ex-Giants RB Tiki Barber... and it tells you all you need to know about our priorities, both as a sports populace and the victims of the NY media, just which of these beefs get play.

Hint: it ain't with the guy who currently has relevance to fantasy leaguers, or the guy who is the #1 RB for a division rival. Rather, it's with a has-been fumble-prone media munchkin who isn't even employed to play football right now, although technically, *no one* is employed to play football right now. Nice work, NFL.

So honestly, people, what is the fascination with Tiki? He's no longer any kind of relevant media personality, given the post-career scandal. He was always more of a system back than a superstar, though to be honest in the league, everyone's a system back. You can't count the number of small speed backs at his age that were NFL-relevant, because there's only one: Warrick Dunn. And unlike Dunn, Barber went the hell away from the game and the insane conditioning that it entails. The maximum possible benefit he could bring to a team is that of a quality change of pace guy, someone who touches it five to ten times a game and has a big game or two when the lead guy can't answer the bell. Maybe 500 yards and 5 touchdowns, and that's on the upside. He's also sure as hell not going to do that in New York, since the Giants want nothing to do with him and the Jets already have the deluxe model in this in LaDanian Tomlinson.

No, Barber has instead entered the netherworld of people who are famous for being famous; like any number of reality TV names before him. He's the philanderer in pads, the bad guy who looks slick, the mouth jobber who everybody else can't want to leave splattered on the turf. His future teammates aren't going to want anything to do with this guy, and to the extent that offensive linemen choose to block, rather than just snap to attention and perform to instinct, there's not going to be anything extra given out to make him look good. Any young QB is going to be well-served to say nothing of confidence to him, since he's proven to be more in the pocket of the media than his teammates. A locker room is going to get pretty poisonous around him, not the least of which is the fact that by bringing him in, a team is going to show itself to be more interested in headlines than wins. There isn't an organization in the NFL that can launder this, and there isn't a team in the NFL that's truly going to be better to bring him in.

So let's hear about Tuck's beef with him, by all means. And while we're at it, let's grill Jason on the other aspects of non-NFL life that vex him, since that's what Barber is. I bet he's got some really mean things to say about airline food.