Eagles - Colts Diary: Just Kill Everyone

First time I've seen the game from my sofa in weeks, and the home team rips off a 3-play, 72-yard touchdown where RB Shady McCoy goes for a big gain, then QB Michael Vick connects with WR DeSean Jackson for the 10 yard score. And we're singing, and why the hell not? The Colts are in some ugly throwbacks, and both of our Studs Off Injury have put up a score. Vick is now 8 for 9 at scoring touchdowns in the red zone this year. Is Nice.

Colts QB Peyton Manning misses WR Pierre Garcon on a deep ball on first. Under pressure on second, the QB overthrows WR Reggie Wayne, and CB Asante Samuel gets the pick and the big run back. Asante has a history of doing that to Pee Manning. We're camping very happily here.

Shady on a shotgun carry to the four, then Vick on an odd fake for a yard. On third from the gun, Vick's throw is tipped, and an offensive holding penalty is declined. Vick got flattened, and T Winston Justice held to boot; not good. K David Akers puts it through, and we're 10-0 Eagles in 3.5 minutes of play. Useful.

The Colts' bad special teams hold on the ensuing kickoff, starting them at their own 12. RB Donald Brown gets two. From the gun, Manning to TE Jacob Tamme for 4 on a hot read. Third and five is a big damned deal to keep the momentum, and from the gun, Manning throws the bubble screen to Wayne, who makes two guys miss for the first. Gahhhh. Brown for three, then Tamme juggles and retains while moving forward for six yards. Another third down from the gun, but DE Trent Cole draws a flag for offsides to move the sticks.

Wayne on another bubble screen for three. Tamme for another quick throw, and he looks exactly like Dallas Clark. Crap. On third and short, Manning mercifully calls a run, and Brown gets stuffed for a loss. Indy punts from midfield, rather than risk things, and drunken punter Pat McAfee gets it to roll to the 1. Not Helpful.

From the gun in his end zone, Vick shows patience and an incomplete. McCoy gets it to the four. Third sees Vick sling it effortlessly for 60 yards right to DJ, who wriggles it home for the monster 58-yard gain. Wow. DJ on an end around for three. Vick rolls to a wide-open DJ, and LB Gary Brackens adds 15 to the Indy pain for the marginal late hit on Vick. It's the era of football, but it's still unlikable. First and goal sees Vick roll and toss, and the late hit on that play was a lot more meaningful than the last call. Andy Reid looks absurdly large these days, and he's not happy. RB Jerome Harrison shows a quickness for five yards. Third and goal from the three rolls out Vick for a throwback screen, but TE Brent Celek is covered, and Vick shows good patience to throw it away. He also gets splattered again; Kevin Kolb *will* play again this year, count on it. Akers connects, and it's 13-0, with Vick's red zone effectiveness dropping by the minute. Just your average 96-yard field goal drive there.

Akers with a reasonable kick into the wind, and the Colts will start at their own 24. First down is knocked down by DE Juqua Parker. Brown is wiped out in a run blitz on second, and there's holding to boot. Second and 20 from the 14 sees Manning from the gun throw to Tamme for 36, but another hold wipes it. Manning to Garcon gets 14 on a slant, and that's all kind of dangerous. On third and four, Manning tosses to Brown, who gets it; have to think it's a favor when the Colts run it, but that's still a first despite the flags. End of the first quarter, and it's Eagles 13, Colts 0. I'm just hoping that 1 of 3 red zone trips with a touchdown won't Come Back To Haunt.

Gosh, people in Philly eat cheese steaks! Who knew?

Brown for five, then a catch for 20, then Wayne for two on another screen. Why every team doesn't use this pace, I'll never know. WR Austin Collie gets little, and on third and long, the Eagles call time to avoid the quick snap. On some level, I'm OK with playing the Colts, because this way when Reid blows the timeouts, it won't be the usual way. After commerce from the gun, Manning gets an out to Wayne; indefensible, along with a terrible challenge flag call by Reid. Well, so much for the theory that the Fat Man won't blow the timeouts in the usual way... and yes, the ruling on the field stands despite Phil Simms idiotically thinking otherwise. Moving on.

Manning to Tamme, and MLB Stewart Bradley gets a marginal flag, as the nightmare drive continues. First and goal is a give to Brown for seven easy yards to the left, and S Nate Allen is down, just to make this drive even worse. He eventually gets up, but given the way this year is going, that's got to be a concussion. Tamme shakes Samuel on a screen, and that's the inevitable touchdown. How is it that the Colts lose Clark and get better at the position? Eagles 13, Colts 7.

Trickery on the kickoff return works a little, but KR Dmitri Patterson fumbles it out of bounds, so the ball comes back. First down sees Celek drop yet another ball in painful traffic, and McCoy gets a little on second... so Vick just uses his Ridiculous Speed to convert the third down. Wow. McCoy for nothing on first, and the QB makes another man miss for a three yard scramble to the right on good coverage. From the gun on third, Vick connects with WR Jason Avant on a beautiful cross as the line wipes out the pressure. Avant can't keep his feet in, so he gets 34 instead of the touchdown. McCoy for little inside, and they can't settle for three again. Vick to DJ on a screen where the WR loses seven while running for 40 yards. From the 14, Vick takes the final timeout of the half, which also means five minutes without replay challenges. Joy. After the ads from the gun, Vick gets car-crashed for a yard, and Akers connects from 31 for the figgie. We are not impressed. Eagles 16, Colts 7.

With the wind, Akers gets a touchback. Manning from the gun to Wayne for four, then a first, and amazingly, Wayne gets called for PI. Patterson holding his own so far. Wayne gets six yards on another no YAC play, and it's third and 10. Manning from the gun and he usual pre-snap work, and Patterson gets the flag for illegal contact as the WR ran into him. Weak call, and the Colts' third first down by flag.

DE Darryl Tapp gets to the QB on good coverage, and that's useful. Manning shakes it off for a 12-yard throw to Tamme. Third and three is another big damn play, and an audibled give to Brown for the first. No fun to play defense against this guy; no fun at all. Brown for another four yards as the Colts continue to dominate the pace. From the gun, Manning gets it to Collie, and the WR is wiped out on a hit by rookie S Kurt Coleman for the inevitable flag. Fourth Colts first down by flag today, and from the replay, it's hard to see how Coleman can avoid the contact. There's no launch, there's no helmet to helmet, there's nothing here but bad luck for Collie, despite Simms showing his usual idiocy by claiming that what your eyes are seeing isn't what happened. Ridiculous. And Eagle Fan will get to boo it for a really long time, since Collie is unconscious on the field.

By the way, it's also clearly a fumble. Not that the Eagles can review it. Just nauseating on every level, really. Collie is moving, and my only hope from this is that the injustice of the call will keep the defense's head in the game, since that usually isn't the case. I'm sorry to be brusque about a serious injury, but the rules of the game don't go out the window just because a guy gets hurt.

Manning to WR Blair White down the middle, and it's kitteny soft now, with a face mask at the close of it to S Quentin Mikell to add to it. From the seven, it's as easy a set up as you can imagine, with reseve RB Javarris James for the score. You've seen harder play in the fourth quarter of preseason games. Blowout preseason games. Eagles 16, Colts 14, with 1:58 left in the half, and so long as we're not allowed to hit people, it becomes a very easy game for the offense. And not a very interesting game to watch, really.

Eagle Fan is kind of bent at this violence-free age of football, and I can't say I disagree. KR Jorrick Calvin for the marginal return, and Vick is sacked on first as the O-line loses contain. The QB spins away from contact and throws high to WR Jeremy Maclin, and we're another incomplete away from Manning getting the ball back and a halftime lead. Third and 20 is a high throw to FB Owen Schmidt, who gets 11 in the flat. The Colts call time, and Manning will have his way shortly, with two timeouts and a neutered defense. P Sav Rocca hits a turd despite the wind, and that's a 19-yard punt at the worst possible time; it means the Colts will get seven, rather than three.

Manning from the gun to Tamme for nine, and it's live surgery time. A give to Brown to move the chains, and the Colts call time. From the gun with 38 seconds let, it's a simple and easy cross to Wayne for 19. Manning tries Tamme in the end zone, and it somehow doesn't work; first incomplete in 13 passes for the QB. 19 seconds left from the gun, and Patterson fights Wayne effectively on the fade route, though the WR could gave gotten to it. 11 seconds from the gun, and Manning tries Wayne again, with the wideout not making the play. K Adam Vinatieri hits from 37, and the Colts will lead, 17-16, at the half. Indy will also get the ball to start the second. Not Encouraging. A quasi onside kick is sat on, and that's the half.

I'm away from the machine to feed kids and self at the half, and miss three consecutive threes and outs, two by the Colts, and one of the worst penalties ever, as Colts P McAfee falls on his ass to draw a phantom flag. Why not do that every play, really? Or if you are a skill player, crumple to the ground whenever a defender gets nears you, since we're just giving away flags for such things. The Eagles drive on a couple of short throws to Maclin followed by clinching runs by McCoy. Vick continues to make pass rushers look foolish, but the Colts tighten up on a scramble and screen. On third and 10 from the Colts 30, Vick gains three as the OL continues to lose. Akers in for a 44 yarder, and he shakes off the CBS jinx of noting his current streak. The Eagles take the lead back, 19 to 17, but all of these figgies is inspiring no confidence.

Akers with the wind puts the kick in the end zone, and it's taken back to the 18, so that's a mild win. Manning to Tamme for the easy TE throw back screen, and he gets 22. Brown is stopped by Parker for a two yard loss to the right. Brown for 9 as they do it again, with Parker whiffing on that one. Third and three is a simple as pie run, with Brown getting 8 as Manning simply checks down with the DBs back 20 yards. From the gun on first, Manning is long to Tamme, and he was open against Bradley. Also telling was that Coleman was going low on the coverage; heh. Much better to take out a guy's knees and ruin his career, and/or whiff and give up six, then dare to come near a receiver's brain. Brown is stopped by LB Ernie Sims, and third and 10 is an impatient deep ball to Garcon against Samuel that falls incomplete. The Colts punt, and I credit the play-calling by Indy as much as I do the defense. Colvin doesn't call for the fair catch and regrets it, but the Eagles will start outside of their 20.

Vick to DJ for a quick 10, as the slight WR wiggles out for extra yards. McCoy for nine on a shotgun draw, and DJ and CB Jacob Lacey get matching slap fouls that don't matter at the end of the play; worth noting for later. Vick takes McCoy on a check down for the first.

Vick finds Celek for an easy score, but everyone on the field knows it's coming back on a Justice hold before the play is half over. I still wonder how the TE got that open, or if this club will ever stop taking so many flags. Vick has to call time, and if you are counting at home, that's the third out of four today that was a waste. T Jason Peters then jumps, and this is just ugly. First and 25 is a screen to McCoy that Lacey blows up for a 2 yard loss, and Eagle Fan is justifiably bent about the missed face mask at the end of that, seeing how we're calling everything today. Second and 26 goes to Maclin on a line for 22. Third and four is a big deal, and Vick makes a play that only he can, getting 32 up the gut for the first. Wow.

Now in the red zone, a terrible screen is nearly a TAInt for Brackett, and a defensive hold gives five and the first as the quarter ends. Eagles 19, Colts 17, and man alive, do they need to score a touchdown on this drive.

Vick to McCoy on a screen, and the RB gets five to the corner. Vick to Avant out of a gimmick formation is stopped just short of the pylon and might be a score, and this is yet another disastrous moment for a challenge, which Reid will take. Why snap it fast and catch the defense off guard? Why not put your faith in the replay that never works out for you, and give the defense all the extra time in the world to catch their breath and make sure they've got just the right personnel on the field? It takes work to be this bad in short yardage, folks, and the Fat Man is more than willing to do that work. Simms also doesn't believe this is a bad challenge, because Simms believes that wasting time outs and giving the defense rest is a good idea. Have I mentioned that Phil Simms is stupider than a box of rocks? In shrink wrap? With a childproof cap? And the ruling stands, and that's the fourth of five timeouts wasted in this game. Solid work, Andy. Solid work.

First and inches is a sneak to Vick, and he gets it before the inevitable replay; it will be overturned, and this game won't end until long after SNF begins. I Heart Replay! Don't You? It's added so much to our lives, and by so much, I mean more time wasted watching Not Football. (And just to prove the point, the Giants are in kneeldowns in Seattle as I write this.) Eagle Fan is well and truly bent with these refs, and the play is overturned as CBS mocks Philly Fan's pain. Thanks for that. Another sneak on a quick snap seems like it worked, and after 20 seconds of waiting, Vick is rewarded. See, Andy? That's how you do it. Without the challenges, the wasted time outs, and every other moment of timewaste. Watch the film of that, please. Akers hits the extra point, and it's Eagles 26, Colts 17 -- a two possession game. The Colts add an extra five yards with their bad special teams, which is helpful given the wind.

Akers gets the touchback with a kick that's 8 yards deep, and who says this guy is getting older? Eagle Fan gets loud as Manning takes it from the gun; a simple six to Wayne. Tamme lobbies for a flag on Sims like a veteran, and gets it for the first. Garcon drops a middle cross that he should have had; he's been quiet today. Manning is hit on second by a couple of guys, and Bradley has good coverage on Tamme to boot. Third and long from the gun sees pre-snap moves, and Manning can't connect with Wayne on absolute lockdown coverage from Patterson. Impressive, and another out of the blue Colts three and out; Manning is now 3 of his last 14. McAfee's punt to DJ is taken back some distance, but it's coming bak, of course. Green will start at their own 15.

McCoy for a couple, then another six to the right. Brackett goes down because this game is only three hours long with 12 minutes to play, so stuff clearly needs to slow down some more. CBS decides we need to see Andy Reid in 1971. Vick swings it to DJ, who scampers for a very important first down, but please, more of the Fat Man as a 13-year-old. Under 11 minutes now as McCoy gets little up the middle. Under 10 minutes now as Vick is nearly picked, trying for Maclin, and another man goes down, Colts LB Philip Weaver. Four hour game, anyone? On third and 10, Vick from the gun finds DJ, and that is also huge -- 18 yards and the clock moves. DJ really wasn't open, but the throw was just perfect.

McCoy for no gain, but we're under nine minutes now. Vick tries for DJ on a rollout, but it misses. Third and 10 again with 8:21 left, and the QB gets it again with his legs. He's now got 75 yards on the ground, all of them vital, and the clock keeps running. McCoy in the middle finds more room than usual. On second and four, Vick gets too ambitious with the running, and is stopped for no gain. Under seven minutes left now. On third and five, the 11th flag of the day on Green is a false start; oof. From the gun on third, Vick to Maclin doesn't get a flag or connection, and while the drive didn't clinch things, it did take off seven minutes of time and a lot of field position. Rocca's meh day continues, with White fielding the kick at the Colts 15.

5:57 left. Manning to Wayne for 8, then again for five. Tamme for 12, and we're under five and feeling The Fear. Manning to Tamme is incomplete, and we're at 4:43 to go. Manning to Brown for 14, and he gets out of bounds to boot. No pressure on the QB.

From the gun, Manning to a wide-open Brown for 14. A screen is sniffed, and Manning grounds it to stop the clock at 4:06. From the gun on second, a blitz finally gets there, as Sims surges up the middle for an 8 yard loss. Nice. Manning to Tamme over the middle shows the TE failing, and all of a sudden, it's 4th and 18. The Colts go for it with 3:36 left. Manning from the gun is sacked, smacked and stripped, with DE Antonio Dixon scooping the ball... but the refs decide to ruin the game some more, as Cole's hand on the back of Manning's helmet is charged for 15 yards and the first. Just. Kill. Me. Honestly, I'm starting to not want to watch football. The Colts are still in this game because Trent Cole touched Peyton Manning, inadvertently, on the head on a play where the contact had no impact on the outcome, on a play where the offense had no chance to make the first down. There is no way this is within the spirit of the game. The Colts were beaten; Manning wasn't even looking for the call, not in any way. Ridiculous on every level.

Manning to Wayne for a first down. Manning to Tamme for 5. Manning to White for a first, clock still moving. There is no reason why this is still a game. A give to James is a gift. Another is stopped just before the goal line, and that's the two minute warning. The Colts still have all of their time outs.

Third and goal from the one as Cole is off with an injury. Eagle Fan is chanting something quite profane, one assumes. From the gun, it's James on the easy as pie inside give and touchdown. Vinatieri makes the PAT, and it's Eagles 26, Colts 24.

The Colts kick away, and it goes out of the end zone. On first, it's a legitimately great call on an end-around to DJ, and he goes for 10 around the left side; just immense. The clock runs under a minute, and DJ goes to the left again and squats after six yards. First Colts timeout taken. McCoy gets a couple as the Colts stare hard at DJ. Second Colts timeout, 54 seconds left, third and 2 to convert to win it. The Eagles call time for some reason, and I'm just overjoyed that wasn't Flag #13 for illegal procedure. Oh, wait, there it is -- flag #13 for illegal procedure. Just. Kill. Me. Third and seven now. Vick from the gun runs to the left for no gain, and the final Colts timeout comes with 47 seconds left. They are still very, very much alive, and Rocca's punt is critical here. He doesn't do enough with it, and White calls a fair catch after 40 yards. Manning needs 40 yards in 40 seconds; easy, really.

From the gun, Manning to Garcon for just a yard, with seven seconds off the clock. Useful. Manning to Tamme for the first and 15 yards; 27 seconds left, just what they needed. The TE, as always, kills Green; Tamme now breaks 100 yards on the day. Incomplete to Garcon; 23 seconds left. Manning under pressure tries Garcon again, but Samuel has him covered; third and 10 with 18 seconds left. Pre-snap wiggles, then Manning from the gun overthrows middle, with Samuel taking it down again, running around like a little kid, then finally sitting down. Ball game. Phew. One more flag for fun, then Vick sits to clinch. The Eagles win, the Colts cover, and that's your first Eagles home win of the year. Yeesh. Eagles 26, Colts 24.