Top 10 reasons why Derek Jeter won the 2010 AL Gold Glove

10) No one can take a player named Elvis seriously

9) 36-year-olds who finish 29th among qualifying players at their position in range factor per game clearly have to be the best defensively, because they are the Captain and all

8) Yunisky Betancourt, Josh Wilson and Cesar Izturis didn't hit or win enough to win a fielding award

7) The voters get nearly sexual levels of joy when sabermetric geeks have their heads explode

6) It's not like Jason Bartlett or Reid Brignac was on a division winner or something

5) If you give the award to Alexei Ramirez, you confirm that the award is purely subjected to Flyover State Bias

4) Jeet only committed six errors last year, and the voters are big on the Hippocratic Oath approach to defense

3) Giving the award to Cliff Pennington would require knowing who Cliff Pennington is

2) The fact that he ranked 46th -- 46th! -- in total zone total fielding runs above average per 1,200 innings requires understanding many of the words in that sentence

1) If you give him the award, it means that you help to suck a few more millions and a few more years out of the Yankees on his next contract, and get them to continue to play him there