Top 10 Week 4 NFL Ad Questions

10) Beyond whether or not I want to ask NASCAR race car driver Tony Stewart a question, if he loves the Whopper so much, why doesn't he eat the damned thing, rather than sit there with it perched in his hand? Perhaps his love is less than, you know, gustatory. I'm seeing an "American Pie" kind of relationship, really...

9) Once again, why is the AT&T Minutes Woman so damn tense about her calling plan? I get that saving money is important, but I'm just not ready for the stress.

8) Are you ready to go to the NFL yet? I've made my will, shaved both eyebrows and accepted Hank Baskett as my personal savior. But actual relocation, no. Maybe next month.

7) Do some of the common risk factors for Lipitor include being filmed in black and white?

6) I'm happy that Girl Steeler Fan is able to use Sprint to call random strangers and abuse them for not being the fan of a 2-2 team. But I do wonder where they found a Girl Steeler Fan that wasn't morbidly obese?

5) Do you really feel super freaky when you use your Visa debit card? Me, not so much. I'M RICK JAMES, AND I'M ACCESSING MY CHECKING ACCOUNT DIRECTLY, BITCH!

4) I'm glad that McDonalds is using recognizable items as the base for its products, but is anyone else disturbed by the fact that those food products are sentient enough to line up in recognizable shapes? In general, I prefer my food to be less prone to wiggling.

3) If you were told that the wings you had been eating were not from one crappy establishment, but from another, how much would you have to be paid to do anything more than shrug?

2) Is Windows 7 really just for little girls?

1) Does drinking Coors Light make you a humorless douchebag, or do humorless douchebags drink Coors Light? Such a philosophic conundrum...