Top 10 Week 5 NFL Ad Questions

10) Why does Bud Light feel that having a sound system as crappy as my beer is a win?

9) Why, exactly, should non-humorous infants make me want to use a stock trading service?

8) Will changing the color of the taco shell from my wretched Taco Bell meal change, in any way, the soul-crushing diarrhea and self-loathing?

7) I get that the sexy forest nymph makes me want to buy Direct TV, but why the slacker black dude with the elephant? (And a follow-up question; do I need to be high to switch and if so, on what kind of drug, exactly?)

6) If I wanted to slalom ski in an urban setting, why would I want to buy an Audi?

5) Will wearing a Men's Warehouse suite make me look like a clueless douchebag, or do only clueless douchebags wear suits from the Men's Wearhouse?

4) Would it be possible to give up some of our First Amendment freedoms to stop the making of more "Saw" movies?

3) Of the 75,000 possible aps for the iPhone, do any of them make the user interface work well as a typewriter, or improve the cell phone service?

2) How far along are you in your desire to Go To The NFL? I've upped the ante by mowing my lawn in the shape of a football, putting eye black on the cat and accepting that I am a sinner in the eyes of Roger Goodell. By the end of the year, I'm expecting to wear nothing but licensed NFL apparel and live my life in slow motion. Because one play can change your entire freaking life, you see...

1) Can we have a Mac vs. Apple ad where Cool Guy Mac smacks the PC Girl around?