Top 10 ways that the Minnesota Timberwolves will woo Ricky Rubio

After drafting two point guards in the first round, the Minnesota Timberwolves find themselves in the awkward position of only landing 50% of their assets. Ricky Rubio, the 18-year-old Spanish point guard who played the best the U.S. had to offer to a draw in the Beijing Olympics, is said to be balking at coming West and North, in part because of a controlling contract from his current team, DKV Joventut. By peculiar blogger magic, we've acquired T-Wolf president David Kahn's plans for getting him signed. Enjoy, Theoretical Timberwolf Fans!

10) Convince Rubio that since Minneapolis has Prince, it must also be cool

9) Sell Rubio on the idea that if Jason "White Chocolate" Williams could be a star in the NBA, he's guaranteed to make it

8) Promise that he'll never have to see Kevin Love with his shirt off

7) Make sure he doesn't know that Minnesota's temperature measures aren't in Celcius

6) Will keep Sebastian Telfair around, just to make sure practice is kitteny-soft

5) Tell him the same thing they are telling fellow first round pick and point guard Jonny Flynn -- that they completely boned the other pick, and will be working out a trade any day now

4) Either kidnap Rubio's father and use him for extortion, or just have him killed as a solid to Rubio

3) The unstoppable five-stop process of asking, begging, pleading, bribing and servicing

2) Assurance that if he's good, he'll get moved to a championship contending team that the GM was involved with before taking this job, and for such a trivial return that he'll be sure to win a ring

1) Hand him enough under-the-counter money to choke a moose, since there's no way the NBA would suspect the Wolves of doing that again after the Joe Smith Experience